I have a whole list of things to do before writing this blog but my goodness I need to process…
I just left “Happy Son of My People,” wrapped up in a blanket of time.
Today we discussed the stomach, the great processor of our lives and food. For example, the stomach doesn’t actually digest anything; it doesn’t absorb what we eat but rather sorts and grinds it all in preparation for the Intestines, or as I like to call it our “life tunnel.” In the intesntinse, life is absorbed – “live” food (as opposed to fake food) that is processed well in the stomach is easily absorbed through the walls of the intestines and passed through the body. If we eat crap, there is nothing to be absorbed and we become ill nourished. The stomach also processes all the food we feed our mind and heart.
Last week I had tons of anxiety-ridden dreams; I was watching way too much news, the Housewives shows and teetering back and forth on what I believe to be true in every aspect of life!
Not to mention the fact that we’ve had more than 10 days straight of rain and storms roll through on a daily basis, which has left me sitting under a tremendous amount of “cloudy pressure.”
To top this Hot Mess of a stormy “Banana Split,” I’ve got a running list of what I need to get done in my work and, this list runs over and over in my mind like a toy train under the Christmas tree, with an annoying whistle that blows just as I start to relax!
What a combo for my stomach to digest! If my stomach is my mental food processor, I’ve been feeding it JUNK! Not just junk but all kinds of thoughts and worries from every possible direction.
Now I’ve got to slow down and take on one thought at a time, one bite at a time. Because if I don’t, by the time this stuff makes it to my intestines or “life tunnel” there will nothing healthy to pass into my heart and mind, moving my mental focus in a positive direction…..hmmmm…now I gotta chew my thoughts 50 times too?
The good news is that I’ve hired an assistant, or as Happy Son Of My People says, an “ENZYME!” I, MEE TRACY, hired her, not “HI I CAN SAVE YOU”.
This aspect of my personality has made some not so hot choices in the past. “HI I CAN SAVE THEM” has good intentions, she finds people that need a job or an opportunity, sees their potential and spends all day cheering them on in THEIR life!
Of course this NEVER works ’cause after a few weeks I tire of the CHEERLEADER role and end up more behind in my own work! Then, when I need them to step it up, they can’t because they never believed they could in the first place! ugh…
Yesterday, Senora Gina arranged a huge treat for me: MARIA and ANGELES on SKYPE! Lola, Bella and I were thrilled to see their faces! It’s been almost 2 months since we were there. I usually do OK here, I keep my head down and focus on my own private world – working, tending to the girls, my house, Lee – but if I look up and see that we are alone, I choke.
I spent years in LA building a family from the friends I collected and our time in Mexico was magical because these “familial relationships” immediately popped up!
Looking up at the screen and seeing them was too much.
All night I was stalked by this question, “How can I love these two women the way I do?” How can I crave a country that is not mine? How can I yearn for a world that is so far from me? I lived 17 years in Ohio yet I don’t miss it? Even with all the struggles of Mexico and the Jungle, how can I long in this way?
Since I was already looking up, I picked up the phone to have a heart to heart talk with Nanny. She, too, cradles my heart.
This morning I hopped up on that table, loaded with needles and understanding that I need to slow down with my crazy mental list, I quickly fell into a deeply relaxed place…..
I watched as my mind rambled the “Mental Monday Rush.” Then I saw a beautiful middle aged Spanish woman in an elegant, full length dress looking at me from the corner of a courtyard, typical of older homes in Mexico City or Guadalajara. Her eyes were warm and proud. To the left of me was the most handsome man, he was regal and his eyes, too, were warm and shining upon me, the eyes of a father. I looked down and recognized my hands as they have always been, long and thin resting together on my lap. I was amazed by the dress that I was wearing! It was a traditional formal Mexican/Spanish style dress of the late 1800′s to early 1900′s. The dress had cream lace laid over cream satin with a floor length skirt. I twirled around in the dress and caught my reflection in the mirror – I was young, 15 maybe. Then I caught a stronger glance of the woman in the corner, she was MARIA. As I spun towards her I called her name, “Mama”…. The young man next to me stepped closer, reaching his hand towards me saying, “Come my child.” As I looked up, I saw Senora Gina deep in his eyes, his face was beautiful like hers and showed the gentleness she holds for me. I felt a tear run down my cheek.
From the very first time I travelled to Mexico, I felt as if I were walking in two worlds, one current and one long ago. I always find myself looking for the Mexico of before.
I know someone else out there can relate to this, isn’t that why many people like historical places?
With the influx of emotion in my body I opened my eyes, looking around the acupuncture room as if I’d just woken from a dream. Seeing where I was, I quickly closed them wanting to return to that dream. I sat with the darkness and then found myself kneeling before a beautiful white statue of the “Blessed Mother” in a very simple church. The next flash was of giant houses along a beautiful street, houses unike any I’ve ever seen. My clothes too had changed, I was wearing a long skirt with an apron, my shoes were black boots and old. When I touched my hair it was coarse and tied up and somewhere I heard a voice look at your hands. They were my hands again, long and thin, but the color was that of cocoa. I could hear people speaking but it for sure wasn’t in Spanish or English – it was FRENCH!
I saw myself cleaning inside a house, scrubbing the floor on my knees. This time the language was English, but with an accent. I flashed again, back inside the church there was the statue of Mary and, again, I sat at her feet.
NEW ORLEANS? Funny, I’ve never been there – nor wanted to.
But the statue in my living room has!
Years ago, Lee and I passed a beautiful life size cast iron statue of the Blessed Mother in the window of a really cool gallery in Santa Monica. I yelled, “Stop!” He circled back around the block and we went into see her. She was AMAZING, I never before had any desire to own such an item, but at this moment I wanted this statue!!
Lee thought I was a bit nuts, plus she was REALLY expensive. The dealer told us of her travels, she was created in France in the late 1700′s where she stood in a church. Then, in the early 1800′s she moved to New Orleans and held her place in another church for many years. For some reason, she was sent to Argentina before finding her way to LA in 2004.
Now she stands in my formal living room where I still sit at her feet.
Just months before my mother passed I came home from college to spend the weekend with her. It was an amazing weekend; we finally shared secrets like friends (when we were young she didn’t believe she was our friend, instead A mother was what she thought her kids needed.) One of the tales she shared with me was of the Buddhist theory, “We come in with a circle of people we have been with before, this is our blood family.
We start here, working out what we need to accomplish first, building our platform of who we will become. Then we go into the world and find the rest of our circle. Depending on who you become and with how much peace and love you live your life, you have the opportinty for these past relationships to show themselves.”
Maybe she was right?
I wonder who else is out there that I have not connected with?
Maybe I should look up from my bubble?
