My family began to roll in last Tuesday, first my grandparents and then later that evening my sister and her crew.
It felt so good to have everyone inside my home and heart. My grandmother is 81 years old and still kicks it like she did back in the day, keeping up with my sister and I with all the errands and preparation for the reunion. The best part of spending so much time with my grandparents as an adult is that I’m able to comprehend who they were as a young married couple. This past year was really tough on them both, Poppy underwent lung surgery and then chemo and Grandma kept it all together. I could tell she’d been alone with her process and really wanted to share with someone whom she trusted. You see the benefit of being a grand – daughter is that I’m not “her” actual daughter so there is a space to open up within and share.
I’m such a digger and love the unraveling of time, pulling the thread on this quilt of a life was great fun. Grandma told me so many things, but the main thing she shared was how she stayed married for so many years (close to 63). She was honest and said it wasn’t easy and that there were times that she didn’t think they’d make it – but they did.
Grandma has a voice and no matter what her voice was going to be heard in life, she was NEVER afraid to speak up and clarify her feelings. She looked deep into my life this week and was in ahh of who I have become and am becoming – she said as an Italian girl from Brooklyn developing emotionally let alone financially was something that didn’t happen in the 1930′s and ’40′s.
This reminded me of my trip to the Belle Meade Plantation, in June I toured it for the first time with Nanny, Bubba and the Witness. I’d driven by this plantation for the past 8 years (that’s the first time I came to Nashville), finally I made it happen and a tour was scheduled.
This particular plantation’s main usage was horse farming and a high percentage of the most famous and accomplished horses of today’s racing circuit are of the seeds of Belle Meade.
The actual house is just what you would expect dark, with heavy feeling furniture and full of portraits of those that walked the wooden floors. I’d made the mistake of taking Lola with us and her patience for the tour guide were non-existent. I kept trying to move her from the rooms that he was speaking in and this of course led to me missing out on the details of the family.
What was so interesting to me was the dining room, the chandelier over the old original table kept flickering on and off. I stepped away from the table and an electrical buzz seemed to take over the room. Lola said “momma who is that messing with the lights over there?” I looked where she was pointing and NO one else was in the room. Then she pointed to the portrait of a really young and beautiful woman – I knew her name “Selena”. I also knew that she died there in the room behind the dining area. Not certain what went on I was totally overwhelmed by the comprehension that at that time period you were what you were born into. It wasn’t just the slaves that were trapped in their existence but it was all women and most men.
The only out was death and the idea of heaven.
These thoughts slammed me, almost suffocating me and then spinning the room around.
For the women of the time the idea of packing up and heading out west to discover the world on their own with $20.00 dollars to their name was a hysterical thought.
Suddenly the stifling humid heat outside could be felt all around the now air conditioned plantation house, I got why the South feels so heavy..there has been a blanket of suppression laying on top of folks here since the development of the first societies. I ignorantly believed this blanket to cover only the slaves but in that moment standing before this woman’s portrait I understood that it was all of society that was held in it’s place.
Don’t get me wrong – one of the most beloved aspects of life in the south is the elegance and grace that truly southern women move with. I adore that my children call me momma and yes mam and Sir are part of the conversation. You see I’m not so hip that I don’t get value. In fact I insist that my children address people by shaking hands, and making eye contact – asking “How are you? Nice to meet you”.
What I love about life and my life in particular is that it’s big – I did start out with $20 bucks and a strong desire to become someone else, now I know that, that someone else is not separate from all the mee’s I began life with.
Lee is sort of intrigued by my family, he says you can tell that we were all raised together in one house. He said we are like a clan, close and warm tending to one another.
What I remember most about my childhood is that I was hugged and kissed upon, still today every time an aunt or uncle walked by me they touched my shoulder or brushed my cheek with a kiss.
After spending Friday in the kitchen cooking Grandma’s “Gravy” (tomato sauce) and feasting together we headed out to The Ranch!
Saturday was so much fun!!! We all canoed down the Piney River and this was a grand time full of serious laughter…It takes great skill to maneuver a canoe for 3 hours!
Then in the evening my Uncle Mike, Aunt Mel and Lee all played music as we gathered around their feet. Of course Isabella joined in. At one point someone starting singing Carol Kings “So Far Away” and the rest of the room joined in- I looked over at Grandma and she was singing her heart out, Poppy’s eyes teared up and so did mine. We are a clan – one that builds strong capable kind people connected at the heart.
At one point in the weekend I felt not so hot so I was resting on my bed, my Poppy came up stairs and curled up at my feet like a child.
He told me that life is never about being an important person – their is NO value in it.
He told me that he would be with me for eternity, waiting for me after he crosses over.
He told me that he loved his children and his life.
He told me that he accomplished his goals – we are all happy and loved.
I then helped him find his room, holding his hand as he has held mine for oh, so long.
I always knew I could go and become anyone that I dreamt of being, I knew that every door was open just enough if I had the intention to blow it wide open.
What I loved the most about this past weekend is that I KNOW I’m not lost anymore, my 20′s were tough – I felt so alone and confused but now I’m so grateful that I’m born into a world that supports change – personal and emotional.
Nobility is freedom……..
