Dear PKIA and Dr. Sage Breslin,

I’m having a super tough time, I’m married and a mother of two young boys and my husband has a 20 year old son from a previous marriage.  The holidays are coming soon and I dread spending them with my husbands family not because of them but because his son will not stop talking about when his parents were married and how “His” grandmother is his.  I find the entire situation annoying and would love to tell him to zip it, however I don’t want to make the situation worse.

signed,
I don’t want to hear it!

Dearest I Don’t Want To Hear It:

Blended families are chock full of challenging situations, and many seem to arise around holiday functions!

From your description, it seems like the worst part is having to be exposed to your stepson’s constant storytelling.  If that’s the case, then I’d suggest that you find a moment when someone else can watch your boys and you can take your stepson aside for a private conversation.  In the most loving way that you can, I’d suggest that you tell your stepson how much you respect his experiences and his love for his family.  I’d also suggest that you relate how uncomfortable it is for you to listen to the stories that involve people with whom you haven’t shared experiences.  Then, I’d ask if there is a way that the two of you can focus more on enjoying the current circumstances.

To some degree, you have no control over whether or not your stepson story tells about his parents and family.  Given that, you may also want to take a look at why it is so unsettling for you.  The times that he is reveling in were times that he experienced as enjoyable and have nothing to do with you.  This may be an opportunity to listen, and learn what he has taken from the past 20 years, rather than feeling defensive about a marriage that existed long before yours.  Your husband is married to YOU now- does your stepson’s nostalgic prose really have an imp act on that?

I totally agree with Sage!

I too have step daughters and after years of learning how to have direct conversations I’m able to speak with them in an open format, they now appreciate it and rise to the occasion by receiving my side of things with kindness!   Fo’sho the grandma situation is understood too, it’s in the same league as sharing dad – however speaking up and letting the air out of the bag brings some fresh oxygen and empowers them – guiding them with tips of consideration is  a cool thing to offer.

Sincerely,
Princess Know It All and Dr. Sage Breslin