It’s November and my favorite holiday of the year happens this month and so I’ve decided to write about something I am thankful for every week. This week it’s all about my LA life.
Lots of people get down on LA, if they’ve been there for a visit, they have a list of reasons why they don’t like it or get it. I’m not one of those people, LA worked for me – I grew up in Oberlin, Ohio but I became an adult in LA.
When we left LA for Mexico I was really torn, I LOVED livin’ in Malibu – everything was set up and my world was built. However – Lee, Mee and the Universe made a deal- we wanted to have an adventure – I said yes to leaving the “Bu” and heading south. Mexico was amazing and what it did was allow me to become untethered from Los Angeles. The last time we were in LA was exactly a year ago October and my-oh-my, have things changed – within me, I believe that sometimes the only way to see who we have been and become is to remove ourselves from the situation. This trip to LA was all about witnessing the maturation of Mee.
We stayed with Lola’s god parents Nely and Brian – they shared their fantastic Casa Pinata with us as if it were our own home. Which was a very good thing, because of course we all came down with some germy virus and spent a few days laying low. For me it was really a blessing in disguise, I wanted to go fast and see everyone however my body and Lola’s said NOPE-relax! So I did. It helped that Casa Pinata is really a compound and we had our own Casita and there was plenty of room for Nanny and Bubba to stay too!
Now that I’m looking back at my last blog and how we all needed a tight tribe – staying low with my people was the right medicine. For sure the girls loved every minute of big family living. I felt a huge weight move off of my “momma back”, knowing that Nely and Nanny were taking over was a gift! Halloween in the Venice Canals was amazing. The girls were able to have Halloween all month long – starting out with a party at our Nashville house, of course I rocked an “odd” mask I found a few years back in San Franscico and Mary Alice made it happen with her slammin’ take on “The REAL Housewives.”
We did make it up to the “Bu”, our first stop: Ms.Deannie’s Pre-School…The girls ran in the door and I sprawled out on the grass with Renne – my Pre -K BFF. I’m still amazed at how I met such great women in Pre-K. I sat at Deannie’s feet and told her of my journeys and dreams, amazed at how time waits for no one. I remember the day I walked Bella down that path leading to Ms.Deannies arms for her first day of school and our first full day apart.
Then we stopped by Cross Creek – Malibu’s town center and our most favorite park. Most of my time was spent with Fab Gab and her new baby. I loved that we are on the same side of the platform – The Momma side. Again my memory danced between now and then, then being when I was a new momma with Bella and Fab Gab was helping me by just being there. I’m sorry I was unable to see all of you Cali folks, I really wanted to. I just wasn’t able to squeeze time…I did see Rebchoo.
I knew I had too, I knew that there was a “PEACE” for me, a message…something. I’ve been digging deep with ‘Happy Son Of My People’, the last time I was on the table, my dreams were crazy, I awoke with all kinds of mad thoughts regarding Rebchoo and Auschwitz. Feeling torn by these intense thoughts and feelings I asked ‘Happy Son Of My People’ “What is this all about?” He then handed me a book “Beyond The Ashes” a book written by a Rabbi about his encounters with Holocaust reincarnates and Jewish theories of reincarnation. At first, I was thrilled to read it, in fact I had NO idea that this was even a topic that had been discussed before! You know when a book burns and you can’t wait to get home and devour? This was the situation!
However once I got home, in my bed, kids down for the night – I opened the book started reading and got tense!!
Seriously tense!
Angry, crabby, sad, frustrated!
I couldn’t read it!
That night my dreams tossed me from side to side. The next time I saw ‘Happy Son Of My People’ I asked him “What’s up with me?” He said that it’s common when something pushes on us we react this way, he said to “try” to read it. As I borded the plane to LA – book in hand – I knew I was going to read it. I did, and wow, what interesting theories and threads. It’s a huge movement of people coming into this world with strong memories of being there in some way.
Some Rabbi’s have believed that our souls meet on the other side and we are imprinted with each others experiences, meaning, maybe I met Clarri before I came in and her memory imprinted on mine? This is a cool thought? There are common things Holocaust reincarnates have in common – most of them almost died at birth – I almost died the day I got here and I was baptized twice by the Catholic Priest? Hmmm…and what’s up with me learning Hebrew? It was never like I learned it – I always felt like I was remembering it! Some of the other common threads are folks that are born into families where they feel completely different, out of place. For me this is not true – I fit with them, however I have had this really strange thing with my family and this summer my grandmother came to visit and I told her.
My grandmother birthed 5 kids, all survived except for one, a little girl named Lara. She was born with a hole in her heart. No one ever spoke about her and I have NEVER seen a picture of her…they say she had red hair and violet eyes – I always knew the day she died – December 22nd. When I was a little girl, I thought I was her, really and truly I always thought I was her. When I got older, I used to think that for sure she was who I was probably like. Not “physically” but inside. This summer, I told my grandmother my ideas – she was not shocked or surprised – she quietly agreed that this made sense and that at this point in her journey she truly does not know all that is possible. Her and my grandfather are my god parents and I have an incredibly close bond with the two of them.
The reason for this story is that many a reincarnates came back quickly squeezing through doorways to this world before they were ready. Being born first with a hole in my heart and the second time with a hole in my intestines – hmmmm.. Is any of this true? Who knows, does it matter? Sure, I’m certain we are here to understand and find a way to experience all experiences, to seek compassion for all human conditions. Are past lives true and reincarnations a possibility? Absolutely. Do I believe that I am ‘LITERALLY” these people? NO, I am pieces of these people just like you are now full of pieces of me. You see I am imprinting my experiences upon you as you join my journey – as we connect we become connected.
It’s been at least 4 years since I’d last sat with Rebchoo, I knew her mind was changing – by this I mean shifting. It’s not that she is really losing her memory, it’s that the most influential time of her life is where she spends her days – re-watching the tapes of that experience.
How is she? Fantastic! Super strong in her body, as lovely as ever and her warmth is tangible. So where does she live? She spends her days in Uzhhorod, she says that she closes her eyes and can see it as if looking out the window. Uzhhorod is the village that she was raised in, it is the village that she last lived with her family, it is a Ukrainian Village that was emptied of 18,000 Jews who were sent to Auschwitz. Auschwitz is still clear in her mind but the love of her family and friends and time in Uzhhorod holds her heart.
Rebchoo now has a caretaker, who speaks with her in her native tongue, the caretaker spends all day reminding Rebchoo who everyone is and calls her “Revka”. As we were saying goodbyes and Rebchoo was heading to the market she stopped and said “I am Rebchoo, I always have been and will remain.” Interesting hun, no one has called her that since before the war until Mee and that is the person she remembers being the most.
As I sat, listening to Rebchoo recall her family life in Uzhhorod, the late afternoon light fell across her face and I saw that she has peace, that she didn’t allow the horrid cruelty that she faced to dictate who she became in this life – she seized her CHOICE and decided to remain fair, honest, warm, generous and beautiful. Maybe I never knew her before and meeting her was a gift, one to take me deep into an understanding of others struggles and loses – reminding me to be so thankful for the ability to seek and find my “Threads”.
My only question: I wonder what part of my journey will hold my minds memory when I no longer remember?
