Monthly Archive Of December 2009
December 28, 2009
It’s early Sunday morning and my house is still resting. I’m here doing what I love to do – sip on a little bit of Turkish coffee and scan emails and facebook. The past week has flown by with the speed of every Xmas week, my sister flew in on Tuesday early morning and we instantly went into work-and-move-fast-mode. We were raised to help in the house, to work hard and to complete our tasks. So once we set out to accomplish something look out cause we ain’t gonna sit until it’s done!
When Nicole had her son Tylor I was still really young and just a kid, however I’d fly home and take over; doing her laundry, keeping the dishes up, playing with Tylor and cooking as much as I could. I knew she needed a sister – someone to pick up the emotional slack that being a parent/mother carries. When Tylor was old enough -9 years old he began to spend weeks on end with me wherever I was. We’d learned from my mothers brothers and sisters how to tend to family and how to be generous not just with money but with our time and love.
Nicole and Tylor were here for Thanksgiving this year; they flew down from Ohio and drove home in a car Lee got for Tylor (nothing fancy – a used Mazda). As they pulled out of the driveway at the end of that weekend my eyes filled with tears, as I wondered for the millionth time why we’ve lived apart for so long?
This past week has been another one, one really about being sisters and the admiration that we have for each other. We are way beyond that competitive stage in life, where looking into one another’s life and comparing or judging is part of the reflection, now we just see each other and understand why we tick the way we do. Nicole shows up for me and hops right in, taking over with the girls, running my house as if it were her own and giving everything she touches a drop of love.
Bella and Lola were so into Xmas this year it was fantastic, they were just amazing, calling Ana (their big sis) & Mary Alice my good friend “hurry up you won’t believe this -Santa has transformed the family room – we will wait for you!”
Christmas this year was all about tradition and we made my Grandmothers sauce – or as Grandma calls it “The Gravy”. As we worked in the kitchen listening to Frank Sinatra, Pavarotti and Timmy Yuro it was as if you could hear my mothers laughter mixed in with my Grandmothers commands that NO one touch the sauce. When we were kids we spent half the day sneaking pieces of amazing Italian bread and dipping it in the Gravy. As we worked and played I thought about our kids and how important it is that they see how we are together, that these smells and sounds are part of their holiday – ’cause passing this warm know-how on has been the greatest gift we were ever given as kids.
Mary Alice, really a sister from another mother, spent the day playing and teaching the kids about their new gifts. By 5 pm the house filled with our people; by 9:30 Nicole and I loaded the dish washer for the last time and sat down for a recap giggle.
Last night we went to see Avatar, DANG it was great. Moving in so many surprising ways, and it answered a question that I asked myself 2 years ago and am constantly asked “Why did we move to the Mexican Jungle.” I was never able to clearly answer this until yesterday – “We were seeking a connection to authentic life.” Our life in the states has lost it’s natural adventure; therefore disconnecting us from life’s source. For example life here in Nashville is so super predictable, my relationship with nature is limited – unless I head out to our ranch and hang with the cows and horses, but how many people here have second homes outside of town? Another question: Before you sit down to eat your burger do you feel gratitude for the life of the animal that has lent for your consumption? Ding dang ya’llllllllll…..
My seven year old watched with us and said “This is like real humans are, they truly don’t understand that everything is connected. If the rivers are polluted then the soil is polluted and if the soil is polluted then the animals are polluted and so are the veggies – therefore we are.” She is right, as we destroy the environment we are destroying ourselves – hence the rapidly rising number of sick people in this country and globally.
In Mexico yes, the people have everything we have, but the women still know how to go out in the yard, Forrest, jungle and find a plant that will help their bodies heal in some way, they still grow their foods on small farms, they walk places, their feet touch the soil on a daily basis. Yes, Mexico is facing a terrible battle with drugs and drug lords however my faith is that they will overcome and not loose themselves and their relationship with life after all, they have a grand connection to the Mother.
I hear little feet stirring upstairs, meaning my alone time is coming to an end. My sister leaves today, I don’t want to miss a minute with her; so many things to still whisper to one another. My mother used to say when we were little girls and fussing at each other “One day you will be best friends and all you will have is each other.”
Well momma you were right and so here we are…
December 21, 2009
Listen to “Diamonds are a girl’s best friends” by Marilyn Monroe:
I spent the weekend cleaning out closets and sifting through papers, when I wasn’t doing this I was cuddled up reading a book or watching a movie – I LOVED – Miss Potter- the story about Beatrix Potter..I needed inspiration and a few days away from my writers mind. I’ve been pushing a project and dang we all know that when you push…you gets NOTHING.
The fact is that Winter Solstice was making it’s way – it is here today and to me the Winter Solstice is about marking the time of the imagination…Happy Son Of My People says it also about finding our inner light and shining it bright.
So, I’ve been trying to set the tone for the next couple of months and go deep inside uncovering all that hides. This reflective behavior has me watching the clock – not the actual one on the wall, but the one that records all the Mee’s I’ve been. I guess Facebook has a lot to do with this; finding new peeps from old times stirs that pot that says “Wow, really, has it been that long?” Then the soup of time reveals all the different ingredients that it’s taken to get me here – to Mee.
One of the characters that I have been in the past and have to be mindful of so she doesn’t rear her not-so-cute head is “Prada Is My Life.” She is all about stuff and using it as band-aids. You know this girl well, she is covered in fabulous gear and truly believes that if she is perfect and dripping in labels that no one will see how she aches and bleeds on the inside, I mean ’cause she totally believes her own lies and spends every dime to drip in designer digs. I just knew that if I made it on the outside that the inside would heal, ha,ha…All those labels just made it even harder for me to see Mee.
For sure “Prada Is My Life” done did sprouted from the womb of “Hi I’m Not Enough.”
Christmas time brings “Prada Is My Life” to table for most of us. I’m still tempted to over shop and buy folks way too much stuff, but now that I’m settling into life with open eyes, I catch myself as I reach for the Gucci & Pucci. I also peep myself when I’m feeling down and out and the mall calls, I head home and cook something new.
This year is the first year we will all be together; we being Lee, his two grown girls, their kids, husbands and men folks, and my sister and her son. Lee and I have been together over 8 years and I guess it’s taken this long to make it happen. I’m really excited, it’s not always been an easy path combing a family especially when you’re the younger wife and going out folks can’t tell at times who’s a daughter and who’s not. I sort of have fun with it, OK we all do now. Conventional families are great and good fo’you if you’ve got one. Maybe in my next life I will be normal too – however I wouldn’t bet on it ’cause this crew is pretty good and creates a mean sauce come party time.
I’m most siked to bring my Momma and my Grandma into the house via the kitchen we are going to make Grandma’s sauce and I’m going to make my version of it ” a tomato free marinara – it’s bangin! Instead of a tomato you use a beet and ume boshi vinegar – you see the tomato’s are too acidic for me. Once again I’ve a got something new to learn and ya’ll know – that’s inspiration fo’me.
Most of my life I tried like mad to avoid winter, moving far from it’s gray skies and closed windows; however it’s most poignant that I’m here in this time of healing my body. I guess I’ve got to embrace all that has built me and create new winter experiences. Something unique has actually occurred health wise; my memories of the cold were always full of freezing to the bone, I could NEVER handle the cold. No exaggeration here, it just seemed to get into my spinal cord and gnaw away like a puppy with a piece of raw hide. Last year when I went to see Happy Son Of My People (Gil Ben Ami) for the first time, I ached with pain and shivered like a wet puppy. Now that I’m eating seasonally, resting, balancing my sugar and lowering my over all inflammation…my body is handling the cold!!!
I actually enjoy breathing in the crisp air for the first time ever ever ever in my life!!! On top of this, I just read that when our hormones, inflammation and diets are balanced, our bodies can handle temperature/climates regardless! This is a sign of good health!!!! Oh, one more thing: my hands are warm all the time – my circulation is pumping to a regular beat, baby!
So as I still struggle with occasional tummy aches and symptoms, I am really understanding that healing your body with foods is a process, one that takes a great bit of time – so, as I said I’ve been watching the clock and what I KNOW is that time is moving regardless, I might as well pass it with healing foods and see where it takes me.
What I want for Xmas is what I’m getting- my family….I can’t wait to see my sister tomorrow morning!
December 16, 2009
My tip for the rest of the week is all about walking an authentic path, be brave and bring your own beats to the table.
Original thinking and style is well rewarded; so if your digging through your closet looking for something to rock be sure to bust on the scene with that dress you have that makes you stand out and up.
Free your inner “Hi I’m Too Much!”
December 15, 2009
Dang ya’ll I’m really dancing with Destiny.
I guess we are always dancing with her, just not always aware of it. I’m fo’sho learning her rhythm, and part of learning new moves is surrendering and allowing someone or something else to guide. December seems to bring me many changes for an example my momma was in a a car accident Dec. 31, I conceived my first child on the 15th of Dec. and we moved to Nashville last Dec. 13th.
The thing about Destiny is that usually she packs a big old punch and rocks us with what we think things will be like and delivers what they need to be. When destiny knocks my character “Hi I Don’t Wanna Change” starts clinging and scratching to hang on to what she knows, even if what she knows no longer serves her.
Let me shine some light, when my momma died, I had no idea that something amazing and fantastic would come out of it as a result – you ask what good could have come? Well, for starters I stepped to the plate and decided to have an adventurous life full of determination to reach my greatest self. You see I wanted to be all that those folks could have become (remember I lost of a bunch of peeps that winter).
The conception of my first child was actually terrifying. I had watched my momma struggle with life, marriage and parenting – in truth I wasn’t sure I could do it or that I really wanted to. I had NO fantasy to live up to, I knew parenting and rearing babies was a big job. I was really afraid of all the changes that were destined to come my way. Once again, a slammin’ lesson showed up and I learned, Whenever I have great,huge, gigantic fear of change – it’s because I know somewhere deep inside it’s a path to my greatest self. “Hi I Don’t Wanna Change” is all about self sabotage and the second I let her hold me back I loose out.
The 3rd time Decembers Destiny snatched me up was 1 year and 2 days ago, we were living large in the Mexican Jungle. I had built a warm cozy world of my own, truly found my peeps, and then I got sick. I can’t lie to ya’ feeling the way I felt and not being able to get to a hospital at night ’cause the Jungle road to town was too dangerous forced me to take action and pack it up. What I packed was two suitcases full of long tee’s and the few pairs of pants we had. My plan was that we would come spend 3 weeks here in Nashville at our ranch, enough time to meet with doctors and get on a medical plan. We rolled into Wal-Mart rockin’ flip flops searching for some type of foot coverage. Bella’s concern was for the tree’s and what had happened to them? Where did their leaves go? This all seems like a life time ago as we wrap ourselves in Ugg’s and gloves, the Jungle seems like a dream that I dreamed and now hold in my heart.
As I bitched and moaned about not finding my way, Destiny carved one and I showed up every day. A world was opening here and according to astrologers Nashville was my place of destiny, meaning I was going to connect to all that I needed to reach my personal potential. Looking back at the past year I see that this just might be true! OK in fact it has shown it’s self to be true.
You’ve heard me whine about not connecting and making friends, but that’s not true – now I see that I have built a world, one based on poignancy. Here’s a flash light of what I’m saying: I’ve become friends with a couple school families, two families that I jive with and my kids now have safe, supportive play dates! I’ve brought some seriously cool people on to support me, from Virginia Harper, Carri Duncan Butts, Alex, Marielle, Lena Bauer, Lauren Williams, Mary Alice and Gil Ben Ami, Alma Fong – everyone of these folks has my back. So no, there aren’t any bull shit convo’s going on and I’m so not keeping up with the Jones’s.
All these poignant relationships have got me headed in the right direction. I’m not just doing 10 times better health wise but work has been unbelievable! I built this site and ’cause I don’t wanna jinks what I’m doing behind the scenes, I’m not gonna a share the details of what’s coming next. However keep posted and pieces will begin to reveal..I gots plans folks!
So the year is coming to an end, and we are planning on staying in Nashville a bit longer than we planned. This is the tough part ’cause right now I’m reading a BANGIN’ book “The Lacuna” by Barbara Kingsolver. It’s set in Mexico and dang ya’ll it’s pulling me like a rope tied around my heart. I miss my people, something fierce, I read Senora Gina’s words and my heart crackles with the scent of homesick bacon. But, I can’t fight that I’m where I’m supposed to be, Nashville is comfy, easy and as you can see – supportive. So here I go, leaning back and getting out of my own way, I guess it’s like the Tango – I’m a woman and this is the one dance that I don’t drive, just show up and move to the beat.
I suppose when change comes my way I gotta get up and get that dirt off my shoulder so I can see what all the new is trying to do.
Click play to listen to Dirt off your shoulders by Jay-Z