I’m back with part two!

A little note regarding the benefits of Mangos:  A comfort food. Mangos really can make you feel better! Beyond being delicious and rich in vitamins, minerals and anti-oxidants, mangos contain an enzyme with stomach soothing properties similar to papain found in papayas. These comforting enzymes act as a digestive aid and can be held partially responsible for that feeling of contentment we experience during and after our daily mango ritual.

Yes, it is quite natural to crave those mangos!

Click below to listen to Damelo by Juanes (album: Mi Sangre)

DAY FOUR:  Thursday I felt great, I drove into town to have my hair done.  Martha one of my “Mango Mommas” has the cutest salon in the entire village.  She is originally from Guadalajara and what ya’ll need to know is gals from this city are known for their beauty and style.  Martha quickly went to blow drying and flat ironing.  The humidity level in Sayulita can get intense and Ashley and I were planning on shooting all day – yep a new style page from Sayulita coming April 1^st folks!

What I should add here is that a few weeks after my mother, Gina, my grandmother & Holly died I struggled with great sadness how I over came it was I heard them – one night I awoke from a dream where they were all in my room – my momma snapped her fingers at me and said “Girl wake up, you’ve got a lot of living to do – try it all, make it happen!”  WOWOWOWOW – as I’m writing this I flashed to my dream last night!!! It was Gina’s parents The Demarco’s they were talking to me; they were telling me to be brave and happy birthday.  It’s funny how one writes, bringing flashes of memory with each tap of the keyboard.  Hmmmm..I love how life communicates through us.

NIGHT DAY FOUR:  MY BIRTHDAY PARTY SHARED WITH LALO!  What can I say, I felt like a little girl surrounded by all of my girlfriends – dressed in pretty dresses.  All the “Mango Momma’s” came and with them they shared their sweetness.  Senora Gina knows how to throw a party, a private chef was hired to prepare an ANCESTRAL diet, a 3 piece instrumental group filled this magical house with songs of familiarity and best I chatted with those that I adore, clinging to their scents like a honey bee swarms the mango trees that fill the village.

I am alive in Mexico; I am clear, capable and soft with strength. I toasted Senora Gina and Lalito; my heart soared as he claimed me as his daughter.  You see for a girl who was raised fatherless having a wonderful person like Lalo stand with pride for which I have become as an adult means the world to me. It’s pretty neat how life has blessed me with so much family, (Ted & Peggy Raess too claim me as their own)a lesson that no matter how much we lose we are always given the opportunity to receive – if we open our arms.

I chatted into the night with both of my Maria’s, knowing that my stay was soon to come to an end, we skyped Lola and Bella so they could visit with their people, once they saw Maria they wept as I did when she walked through the doors.  Just before climbing into bed I opened my gifts, and like a child I grinned with delight.

DAY 5 LAST DAY: I felt great again, so we headed back to the Bodega (storage unit); to sort through our past carnation. Senora Gina to the rescue, she was supposed to be my “Neicy Nash” (you know from that clean house show) however I think she is more attached to the girl’s stuff than me.  We ended up keeping things that they will love this summer as I am planning on returning for a while.  I ran errands and then awaited Emily, Nikkis & Marco; they were coming for the weekend and staying with Chantal (one of my Mango Momma’s).  They live in Teotihuacán and are my “comadres”- my family, my people.  Marco is my god son, and you know I’m not someone who is totally into other folks kids but this little guy is really special to me, I feel as if he is mine – in my heart he is my son, given by god.

Emily and I shopped around catching up on our lives; Senora Gina prepared her famous poblano green rice and some seriously bangin’ tuna for my trip home.  That night Don Lalo, Senora Gina & myself sat with the moon, we made wishes for our futures.  I arose from my brief rest at 2:30am; Senora Gina walked me to the taxi and held me tightly before I climbed in the giant SUV – My person she is – My Mango Momma.  I rolled the widow down to feel the warm night air, once again wishing upon the same moon, this time with tears streaming not of sadness but of the joy of my life.

I am searching for truth and beauty, traveling the world and reaching for nobility and finding it in Sayulita – in the faces of my “Mango Momma’s.”

I returned home to house that had been kept quite well by my husband! The girls were happy and seemed to have had a wonderful time with their father; he filled his suitcase as I unloaded mine – I arrived at 6pm and he left at 4am.  This week the girls have told me a number of times that they miss him and want me to do things HIS way, ha..ha..I like it, ’cause what I have always wanted for them is to have a relationship with their father, one of closeness and friendship.  I feel good, ’cause as my work is growing I will need to travel on my own from time to time – knowing that the girls are happy with their paw gives me the guts to plow forward.

My actual birthday was very sweet, the girls insisted that we have a cake so I baked (something I DON’T KNOW how to do so well) a gluten free, dairy free, egg free vanilla cake with chocolate dairy free frosting!  I’m not ready to pass this recipe ’cause it was a bit cardboard like – however we all grubbed!

I had been feeling a bit blue missing my Mango Crew, when Mary Alice, Marielle and her girls rolled through the door!  Instantly life gives one a party – all I had to do was open the door; we placed our rings around the candles (Mexican tradition for wish making) and soon my unfancy homemade cake, decorated with left over Hanukkah candles (remember I like to celebrate all holidays!).

Again I crawled into my bed, thankful for my life – a year older and well fed.

Click below to listen to The Journey by Elliot Goldenthal (off of the Frida Soundtrack)

Gosh, I feel like we haven’t spoken is SO LONG!

I’ve traveled between the worlds since my last written word, I left the states arrived in Mexico and found my true reflection – in the faces of my “Mango Mommas”.

I’m gonna break my past week down fo’ya, journal style and see how it flows…

DAY ONE: My first night I arrived, all I wanted to do was sit and stare at the sea and EAT!  Dang, I arrived hungry. I was siked when Senora Gina busted out the homemade tortillas she had brought from my spot in Guadalajara – I get down!  Don Lalito (Senora Gina’s husband) says I ate more than him, fo’sho I did.  The best part of being with them is how comforting they are, and of course Senora Gina wouldn’t allow me to wash a single dish…leaving my early morning routine behind with the Tennessee weather.

DAY TWO: My Mango Mommas rolled through, hanging by the pool and chatting me up.  I also was introduced to a new friend and photographer – Ashley Jordan Gordon.  She is fo’sho the real deal, as one of her photos “Girl on Kingsland Road” was just recognized and hung in London’s National Portrait Gallery.  Ashley and I immediately clicked and went ahead with plans on shooting a style section for the site!!  The real gift was being able to witness her relationship with her mother who had traveled along with Ashley for the week (they have a home just up the way from Senora Gina’s casa).

I’ve been reflecting a bit about mother and daughter relationships as my own mother died at the age that I’ve just turned; my mother never lived past my current age and never saw her 30’s through.  In fact in my minds eye I see her only as a 30 something year old woman, when she appears in my dreams she is still young and usually showing off a new haircut; hip and stylish as ever.  I guess this is the gift of dying young – you remain young in everyone’s mind.  OK, so back to the relationship thing, I’m totally intrigued with how mothers and daughters remain connected and how things transform as the child ages along with the mother? Ashley and her momma were a wonderful gift, ‘cause the two of them are thick as thieves.

Tuesday night I hit the floor, still not sure why, but dang my intestinal wall collapsed, I knew I had arrived exhausted and that’s my big thing right now – learning to not push, taking breaks and resting.  Still, my colon literally collapsed, risking a rupture right there in the jungle; Senora Gina stepped to the plate; she and I went straight to soaking my feet in hot water, applying compress’s and drinking umeboshi plum tea.  The next day, I bounced back fast…this is part of my process, the first year of healing was rough and now that I’m into the second I get up quicker.  I heard my friend who just passed through the veil…don’t loose your line, hold tight and see yourself well.  In fact through the twist of excruciating pain I saw him sitting in the chair; as I tossed along all night I was comforted by Senora Gina’s prayers as she whispered to god to allow this attack to pass and grant me the strength to recover.  Nothing like a brush with death just before getting older makes for some serious age appreciation.

DAY 3:  Wednesday I new some beach time was in need, so Ashley and I planned our shoot and then headed to Playa de los Muertos (the beach of the dead).  If you read this blog back in the day when I was living full time in Sayulita you’d remember the story – but since tons of ya’ll are new to my journey, I will share with ya a glimpse of this spot.  The name reflects as the town’s cemetery rests right along the shore, during the Dia de los Muertos (day of the dead) folks fill the beach with blankets of food and fun, remembering and hoping to speak with family and friends that have crossed.  For me, I head to this beach when I need to cross, ‘cause you know I believe that reincarnation is not something that occurs once we’ve physically died but is constantly happening.  For sure the woman I was when I lived in Sayulita is no longer present, only aspects of her…but the current version of MEE has shifted and transformed – gosh the things that I KNEW then and the amount of growth that’s gone down in the past year is huge!  This is reincarnation – TRANSFORMING our thoughts and beliefs – OK and hair color! Lol….

Mexican cemeteries have always captivated me as they are full of color, flowers, pictures, and paintings.  The mausoleums are more like tiny palaces painted in festive colors red, fuchsia, turquoise, green and marigold.  Come the holiday of the dead and Marigolds cover the ground; cemeteries are not a place of death but celebration of life and lives that have been lead.

Back to the beach…the sun felt so so so so good on my body, WOW living in a winter climate after so many years of sunshine year round has been really tough.  My mind began to unwind its’ tornado-like spin, reversing the tornado of change – allowing me some space to see where I want to go, Mee as an individual not a mother or wife…but as a being with dreams; it’s been so long since I sat just as Mee.  Ashley found a beautiful shell shaped like a boat, I placed a tiny piece of wood in the center.  Before entering the water I closed my eyes and gathered my thoughts, just as the waves washed over my feet I imagined all of my fears and doubts fleeing my mind, my heart and intestines – all of the places in my body where I hold things.  From the bottom of my feet the sand grabbed hold and all sailed away deep into the veil; now clear in my heart I waited for the next wave, my eyes once again closed and I saw the face of my friend who passed the week before – I spoke via my heart, grab hold and float to your next incarnation – you are loved.

I climbed into bed at 7:30pm and slept straight through to 6am, dreaming of the sea.

To Be Continued….

Click below to listen to Wade In The Water by Eva Cassidy

Yesterday I boarded 3 airplanes, passing through 4 airports to arrive in Puerto Vallarta; this was the first time that I have travelled by myself in 7 years.  I felt uneasy kissing my husband and children in the dark early morning hour’s goodbye.  Usually it is Lee who leaves for the airport at 4am, and I who remain to tend to the girls.  As the taxi pulled away, I felt a tinge of guilt and fear – the great what if?

The truth is Lee has never stayed alone with the girls for more than 14 hours and that was only once 3 years ago; of course he keeps them for a few hours here and there.  A week alone -NEVER!

For sure my control issues came flying out of the pantry when I worried what would he feed them?  Who will do their hair in the morning? A flash of Bella with a giant matted knot in the back of her head, threatened my mind; a few nights before I left I dreamt that I returned to a MESSY house.

I’m definitely someone who has daily rituals – I awake at 6am, make coffee, prepare breakfast, make lunches and then I serve breakfast after dressing the girls and doing their hair.  I then move through the house making every ones bed and starting laundry.  I like to leave my house in the way that I want to return to it – clean with no dishes.  This little routine usually begins at 6am and is wrapped up by 8am.  My “Hi I Need To Control Things” was really in a tizzy KNOWING that Lee has NO morning ritual.  The reason he has no ritual is because I do, so heading down to Mexico without the girls and leaving Lee in charge is a gift for them, the girls NEED to KNOW that Lee is capable, I NEED to KNOW that he is capable & well I guess he does too (however if he is reading this he’s saying out loud -of course I’m capable).  I don’t think that our house is any different than most folks, I happen to enjoy my ritual & I’m really a momma inside – I don’t feel parenting has been a sacrifice.

We’d all planned on coming together but the girls have things and Lee does too, I needed to come and empty our storage unit here that’s been housing all of our beach house belongings.  Plus I’m going to work on a project and celebrate my birthday!

I’ve been writing about being inside the Tornado of change and for sure I still am, last week I logged on to face book to discover that a friend of mine had died, what shocked me was how.  My heart is racing as I think whether to write about it, but I’ve got to – I’ve got to take it out…

So you know how I always say you NEVER know who is gonna leave you with influence and inspiration; well this person was again someone who has done just that.  I first met them a year ago, they’d come to my house for dinner; I’d prepared my whole food/ ancestral meal – as I’d really only been following this new way of eating for a short period of time.  What I remember the most about him was the clarity in his eyes, he was so encouraging.  As we ate he shared his story, he’d been incredibly ill 2 years before with severe Colitis and was now almost completely recovered.  I recall looking into his face and KNOWING that time was going to shift and that I would soon be well.  Over the past year I’d run into him and seen him at different gatherings, always we chatted – but most importantly his eyes told me I could do it.  He understood that healing ones body was not just about the food but our mindset that our emotional selves needed tending to as well.  He was young in his early 30’s, super active and surrounded by tons of people that adored him.

My mind ran with thoughts of how this healthy happy guy could leave this life, of course I assumed it was an accident.

Later that day Lee and I were in the bank drive through line and another friend of mine who knew him well phoned, she said are you sitting down?

I’ve been asked this before – when death was waiting to reveal its self.  “Of course”, I responded, “I’m in the car with Lee – did you find out what happened, I just can’t believe he is gone.”

Then the gal on the other end sniffed her tears, I must tell you this – it is a bit complicated.  He had gotten sick, a flare up – this time it was really bad, and he couldn’t get it under control.  He even had a friend move in with him to cook and care for him.  He kept it a secret, scared to share how bad he really felt; finally he drove himself to the hospital.

In the parking lot he shot himself in the head.

I gasped, the air left my chest.

What struck me was my understanding, I know that we break, that our hearts break, that we can feel isolated and alone – I also understand physical pain, just the night before I suffered a very bad tummy ache – for 3 days I was in pain.  The entire time I thought of my friend. Could I get that sick again?  Would I be able to handle feeling like I did a year ago?  My mind raced to how I struggled alone with the girls way too often, unable to get up and tend to them at times.  I remember desperation and fear.

I thought about how our minds can take us down – so far down that coming back is a track that we cannot get our train on.  I had to watch my mind, I had to see that my friends story is not mine, that I was only having a physical dip last week – I had to lay my line again – the line that holds me to how I see myself not just physically but emotionally as well.  What I KNOW is that our bodies eat what our minds feed it, and if I’m feeding it crappy junk, full of doubt I’m certain to crash?

I miss my friend, but I hear him clearly – I feel determined now, determined to deal with myself every time I start to dip, not just physically but emotionally too.  Maybe that is the gift of all of this – to pay attention and step to the plate – not isolate.

I was unsure if coming to Mexico was a good idea, and then I heard the whisper of what guides Mee, “Go Mee sit by the sea, rest where you feel safe.”  I did it; I got it together and landed here – In Senora Gina’s arms.  She is my person; the one that see’s my greatness and understands my dreams.  So far I have spent two days staring at the sea, reading and milling through the boxes of my life that was lived here.  Hearing the psychics voice every time the wind blows (which is often) “You are moving west to where there is Wind and Water.”

I miss Lee and the girls, but I know they are well.  I am learning that for all to be well, I must be rested and fed.  With that said, my sleep is restless and this morning I sat thinking about my dreams, they feel like a spool of thread coming undone.  The project I’m working on this week is writing a book about our life here; filling in the holes in the story.

Sayulita is my neutral place, the place where no blood was shed during the Spanish Inquisition, and the place I found myself fifteen years ago – looking into the mirror for the first time.

So here I am staring into the mirror again, with a view from in between the worlds.

Check it out PKIA has been reviewed for a Bloggy Award!!

This is a total honor considering just how many blogs and websites are out there in internet -landia!

Please, if you all would be so kind to read this review and then leave a comment at the bottom showing your support I’d be so ever grateful!
Follow this link to read the review and leave a comment: www.bloggyaward.com/bloggyaward/princess-know-it-all
I’m totally doing the “Hi I’m Too Much” dance!! Yahoooooooooo!

With love,

Mee
a.k.a
PKIA………