Such a big yesterday, this yesterday lasted for four days.
That’s how life goes, all is smooth I think I’ve got me a groove and SNAP – A SITUATION (totally Jersey Shore) bumps the needle on the record, sending a scratching screech through my world.
However never are these situations tentacle less, meaning that it’s always something that’s been swept under the rug or deep into the corner of my life. I’m not sure if I want to talk totally about the SITUATION, ‘cause that’s being worked out but what I will talk about is what made the SITUATION such a loud screech.
It’s about trust, this morning I was listening to NPR – a family that has a child with Williams Syndrome – a neurodevelopmental disorder effecting primarily the part in the brain effecting trust – meaning these folks have no ability to distrust – ANYONE! The negative is that it’s dangerous, the positive is that they are always POSITIVE, kind, generous and open with EVERYONE. As babies they are easy to smile and appease.
Can you imagine if all humans had this disorder and does this mean that the root of our miserableness and violence is our deeply seeded and innate sense of mistrust? As I listened my eyes filled with tears – thinking how as a parent we are assisting our children to mistrust – “HI I GOT ONE EYE ON YOU.” As an adult I am still working out my trust issues, constantly learning to trust myself and attempting to teach my girls to trust themselves, wrapped with lessons of WHO not to trust! Ughhhhh….
Back to the “SITUATION” you see my girls have been attending a school here in Nashville, it’s a pretty non-traditional setting; progressive some might say.
When I was growing up there was one choice in our entire town – public and there was one choice in my mother’s pocket book – public. I always said that when I had kids I really wanted to find a place for them to learn, one that would inspire them, guide them and encourage them. I KNOW that if I had been educated in a more nourishing environment fo’sho I could have had a completely different experience – NOT that my experience has been wrong – I’m just saying.
Lee and I dug deep looking for schools in Malibu/LA, I took it very seriously – always believing that their educational experience was the one thing that I could provide for them that would have great merit in determining who they will become. The array of schools to choose from is plenty, coming here we settled on one that offered a small environment and we were told a strong community. What could be better considering that we were living in a city with almost no sidewalks nor town center?
What we found is ourselves in a super common SITUATION that seems to go down at every school now a days – drop off car line. To top it off we had joined a school that believes the teachers’ relationship is with the child – not the parents. This is cool I can dig it – too much parent involvement can get tricky leading to unnecessary big time drama. SO in theory this schools philosophy works – on paper. In real time, it sucks; ‘cause what happened is we found ourselves in a very isolating SITUATION, not only socially without contact with other families and peer groups but also with the school its self.
Once you’ve enrolled your child in a deal like this you can’t just yank ‘em out, so I learned to deal with the fact that if I had a problem I called the school secretary and she put me to voice mail and when the teacher got a break she’d call me back – or I could email – which I am good at; again I needed to wait for a response. Twice a year there are conferences and of course anytime through the year a conference can be arranged; but that’s not the problem – the problem is that when you are a parent and you are dropping your kids off at a place that you have NO relationship with – MISTRUST begins to develop.
So here I am in a “SITUATION”, the SITUATION stemmed from a play date last fall that went bad – after a long summer without friends we met a new family, they seemed cool enough; my oldest had two play dates that seemed to go well the 3rd was a disaster – a disaster really because a SITUATION occurred and the mother instead of calling me texted me –deciding she had solved the SITUATION and refused to contact me or return any phones calls or emails. A couple weeks went by and my youngin’ gave me the rest of the scoop on what went down on that play date. Knowing that this family clearly had NO intention on dealing with the SITUATION or their own child’s needs which were showing to be HUGE, I parented up and took care of my own kid – speaking to the school about the SITUATION in hopes that they were on it. The year has passed along with no real dramas until last Sunday when Bella informed me that the SITUATION from the fall was now taking place on the playground. Panic struck and so I emailed the school – instructing them to contact me right away. Instead of doing so they spoke to Bella – NOT cool, 7 year olds will NEVER sell their peers out let alone to a teacher. Again they emailed me – I was pissed – I didn’t want an email I wanted a conversation. That afternoon in car line I rolled my window down and went totally “J WOW – Jersey Shore” on ‘em “ Hey can I get a phone call? Could I speak to a human, I gotta SITUATION OVER HERE.”
Finally around 4pm I spoke to the teacher, I shared my opinion and concerns, I asked her to NOT speak to my child regarding this – that this is not her concern.
What happened the next day? They spoke to her again about a SITUATION that is not hers to worry over, causing big anxiety within. Now, I start the email process all over again!!!
The next morning I dressed ready to go – if I had to sit in the office for all day I was willing – finally at 3pm I addressed the SITUATION.
What came of it was a very kind director hearing me out, what I realized was that it wasn’t about the SITUATION; BUT about trust.
You see if I’d had a strong relationship with the school or at least a clear one OK – how about we drop the strong and imagine that I had A RELATIONSHIP with the school it would have been cool to trust that they were on it.
I totally get the fact that we are less involved on a whole society wise and our “Please Don’t Make Me Connect” keeps things this way. SITUATIONS go down in public everyday and folks don’t step up and get involved; kids are bullied in public places, fights are not stopped. We don’t even ask what’s in our food – instead we want to know how many calories -which is a huge favor to the producers of this food ‘cause if we are concerned with how many calories than we aren’t asking WHAT IS IN IT and what do those things do for our bodies and DON’T do?
We are not questioning our government – look at the state of Arizona – Why are we all not outraged? What I want to KNOW is what does an AMERICAN LOOK LIKE? I’d love to see the description memo sent out from the Governor of Arizona.
Most of my childhood I KNOW I didn’t look typically AMERICAN, my family didn’t look typically AMERICAN – the questions I’ve been asked most in my life is “What Are You?”
Did we learn NOTHING from Hitler? Germany put up a wall – that worked, keeping people in it.
We can’t CLOSE the border it’s not possible instead we’ve got to remember what this country was built on IMMIGRATION, the first immigrants were the “WHITE MEN” and fo’sho they ain’t gonna be the last. If you think that the only people that are going to be effected by this Arizona law are the Latino’s -you are a fool.
I’m fo’sho NOT a “Tea Bagger” and really I believe most of them have NO idea what they are standing up for – however they are STANDING up.
So it’s a given we are all afraid, afraid because we sat back and allowed someone else to make things “easy” for us – but hopefully we are all waking up – fat and unhappy and hopefully seeking motivation to step up and stand up for what we KNOW is true in our hearts.
Last week I wrote about getting bigger, stepping up and expanding. This week in Princess Know It All fashion an opportunity presented it’s self – “Girl, are you gonna take it? Bam, bam, and bam like lightning I found myself on fire, mouth open and truth being told.
I thought about whom children become and how they become it, by watching their parents.
1.) Are you on the phone and gossiping while your kids are in the back seat?
2.) Are you keeping things from your husband or wife and the kids KNOW it.
3.) DO you use the word secret with them?
4.) DO you tell “little white lies” in front of them, knowing that they KNOW the truth?
5.) DO you speak to them indirectly/ side ways?
Example: this kid we had the wacky play date with asked Bella why she doesn’t have anymore – Bella told her “my momma doesn’t like you.” Perfect I thought, Bella KNOWS at 7 yrs old that when someone is not a fit and I don’t like ‘em we don’t do double talk and still hang with ‘em, you see when she is 14 and some bad ass kid comes around I won’t have a problem, Bella KNOWS we aren’t going there. This is called being direct – setting boundaries.
8.)Do you have Love Hate relationships with people – meaning if you don’t like ‘em then what are you doing smiling in their face? No, I’m not telling you to act crazy just drop the whole fake daisy!
Our world is in crisis and I know that my part in the deal is to quit keeping up with the jones and step up as a MCCORMICK – one who asks questions.
I’m a truth-teller and I always have been; ask anyone who went to school with me and they’ll tell you my open mouth has been part of the deal. I watched my momma step to the table and say what she had to share, I didn’t have to wonder where I stood with her I KNEW; EVERYONE knew that she was fo’sho gonna call you out, so watch out!
As I pulled into the parking lot of Isabella’s school I thought of my mother, I heard her in my thoughts – life is NOT about popularity and others opinions of you are none of your business – what matters is that your girls KNOW that you were in the room and speaking the truth.
A year ago I was in fear of dying; a year later I am living like I’m dying… Brave, honest and Open Mouthed with Open Arms…………..I gotta be all Mee so my girls can be all them.