PKIA: My Story

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The first lesson in finding our balance…

June 28th, 2010

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This summer is way better than last, for so many reasons.  I guess we are totally set up now.  Bella loves camp, Lola is attending a preschool camp 2 days a week and my nephew Tylor has been spending the past 3 weeks with us. I love him being here, not just because he helps so much – my sister has done an amazing job raising this guy – he’s pleasant, kind, patient and incredibly neat – for a 17 year old.

He began spending summers with me when he was 8 years old, living wherever I lived; in Malibu he attended surf camps, at the ranch he played in the river and learned to ride horses.  I have a special relationship with him, really because my sister and I have lived so close in spirit with one another. When she had him I was still young and in school – our mother had died a few years before and I knew I needed to show up, much in the same manner that my aunts, uncles and grandparents did for us – we knew we belonged to a bigger world than just my mother.

Now Tylor is grown and I have little’s, he loves on them like siblings.  Yesterday he taught Isabella to ride a two-wheeler and wow what a fantastic moment this is in our lives.  I remember my learning of this grand memory that never leaves us – after all it’s really about balance, once we find this balance it’s never gone from us.  I told Bella to think of it as riding a horse, you’ve got to sit solid in the center and pay attention to where you are going, you see if you are riding a horse and your mind drifts shifting your level of presence the horse will follow your lead.  I’ve loved this lesson; learning to ride in relationship with the animal is nothing shy than a truly spiritual experience.  Don’t misunderstand me I’m not a great rider, I just like the relationship of it all.

Bella is so much like me in ways, quirky and yet solid.  She got it, she was riding on her own, when she passed me I had to hold back my laugh because she was sitting completely straight, eyes on the prize and saying repeatedly out loud “I’m riding a horse, I’m riding a horse, I’m riding a horse.”

I learned to ride a two-wheeler in Clark Court Apartments; we lived next to Bay and Bukie Marshall.  I jumped on my sisters red kids sized beach cruiser and peddled away, however my know it all self forgot to ask how to stop and I flew over the handle bars!  Bella was lucky, Tylor kept catching the bike, not letting her smash to the ground.

I love this, he’s learned what family is about – we can’t prevent the falls only try to break them, serving as a cushion.

Today Tylor and I are going to visit yet another local Nashville University, Lipscomb.  I really hope that he attends school close to me, I’d hate to miss out on watching him turn from young man to man.

For me it’s really been about being the belle of my own ball, filling my life with my kids, Lee and work.

I’ve been writing like mad, my goal is to finish 3 books by the fall.  I’m just about done with one and wow writing it has been a journey, ‘cause this book is all about food and health.  It’s really taught me much more than when I started it.  I thought Oh, it will be a cookbook – but now I’m siked ‘cause it’s not!  I’m not a chef, I’m not a super hard-core cook in the kitchen, I’m a regular person who has gotten well eating foods in their original form and what I know is how to heal your body and what each food does.  So I’m way siked about this project, cause it’s not a “cook book”, it’s a PKIA Book with recipes.

The other day I sat here typing in the Convent, I looked up and out the window, I felt a sparkle in my eye– I was in the middle of an “Oh yeah I’m really doing it moment”, I love these – ‘cause it’s not about the final product but the good enough feeling of giving it my all.  Luckily I’ve always been able to see when I’ve arrived at a point in my life.  Maybe to the outside viewer these moments seem hardly successful, but to me they are huge.

I write because I don’t wanna miss out, not on a second of it.  Once I’ve written I go back and see the magic of the moment or a clearer view of the situation that I’m in the middle of.  Gotta see those good enough moments, ‘cause that’s the only way our life is good enough.

DE PASO

June 28th, 2010

IMG_1195El otro día pasé en coche por nuestra antigua casa, la de “Las Paredes que Susurran”. Hacía mucho tiempo que no pasaba por ahí, no porque trataba conscientemente evitarlo, sino porque mi ruta diaria ha cambiado. Desde que pasé por ahí, mi mente ha sido atrapada por los recuerdos de lo que experimentamos allá. Sé que dejé a todos ustedes en suspenso, pero fue por una razón seria: en cuanto supimos lo que supimos, lo único que me quedaba era empacar lo más pronto posible y largarme. No he platicado detalladamente sobre lo que había sucedido, y no es porque la casera me haya pedido no hacerlo – aunque sí me lo pidió -, y por respeto a ella, no quise obstaculizar la venta de su casa en un futuro. Sin embargo, le informé que, de buena fe, debía informar a sus futuros inquilinos: de haberlo sabido, yo nunca me
habría mudado a esa casa. Pero, claro, todo salió perfectamente: si no nos hubiéramos instalado allá, nuestra presencia no habría cambiado de esa manera una situación muy vieja… Perdón, me estoy adelantando.
La verdadera razón por la cual no escribí sobre eso, es que hubo tanta oscuridad en torno a lo ocurrido en esa casa que, seguramente, yo no quería que mis recuerdos me persiguieran en nuestra nueva casa. Mi Papi (mi abuelo) siempre decía: “Decide dónde pararte, bajo la luz o en la oscuridad, y una vez que decidas quédate ahí”. Así que, desde
muy joven yo SABÍA que seguiría mi camino bajo la luz, haciendo todo lo posible para evitar cualquier interacción con la oscuridad. NUNCA he sido amante de las películas de horror ni los libros de terror y, honestamente, el Halloween y sus “villanos” me dan algo de miedo. Disfrazarme de manera divertida está muy bien para Mee y, por supuesto, los vampiros también, porque estoy obsesionada con la idea de la inmortalidad; me fascina pensar qué se sentiría al manejar bien esta reacción humana.
El Día de los Muertos es una de mis fiestas favoritas, porque no se trata de la tristeza, sino de volver a celebrar la conexión al traspasar los velos de este mundo: la muerte no es un mal, es una parte intrínseca de la vida. Por lo tanto y porque voy comprendiendo los recuerdos, el tiempo y los fantasmas (en realidad, nuestros recuerdos son lo que anda
merodeando en nuestros pasillos y sueños), lo ocurrido en nuestra casa anterior se revela desde una nueva perspectiva.
Anoche hablé por teléfono con una amiga, a la cual no había podido encontrar desde antes del Día de Acción de Gracias. Bueno, fue justo el día después del fin de semana del Día de Acción de Gracias cuando todo empezó a desenmarañarse, y la verdad ya no podía ocultarse: el tintineo de las vitrinas y las puertas ya dejó de ser algo que pudiéramos ignorar.IMG_1253

Cuando empecé a contarle por qué nos habíamos mudado de esa casa tan de repente, la habitación se enfrió y sentí como si hubiese estado en medio de la multitud. Ni siquiera pude terminar la primera frase cuando mi amiga me dijo de repente: “Sabes, mejor no hablemos de eso: tengo escalofrío.” Le dije: “Gracias, podemos hablar de eso más tarde, cuando nos veamos en California”.
Cuando colgué la bocina, me senté sola en mi cuarto, mientras la sensación de estar en medio de la multitud seguía en el aire… Pensé en la señora Gina y en su manera de resumir situaciones, gente y pensamientos en la frase “No nos vamos a meter en eso”.
Esa frase salió de mi boca con el mismo tono de “No estoy jugando” que sonó en la voz de la señora cuando la posibilidad de cáncer tocó a mi puerta. Es lo que pasa cuando un bravucón en un juego que se echa atrás ante alguien que se le enfrenta rehusando tomar su veneno: yo no participé – así es cómo uno se queda bajo la luz. Entonces la energía en mi habitación cambió.
La que quedó fue ella, pensé en ella toda la noche. Es la única cuya historia he tratado de
dejar atrás. Decir siempre la verdad no es tan fácil. Así que esperaré, y con el tiempo tal vez escriba más. Pero sé que no volveré a pasar por esa casa, porque sentirán mi presencia y, entonces, escucharé sus recuerdos… Eso es lo que ocurre con los recuerdos: están por todos lados y realmente pueden ser escuchados. Cuánta más atención se haya prestado a un recuerdo, más poder éste tendrá en el presente.
Estoy demasiado cansada para escribir algo más. Como lo dije, faltan muchas horas para el alba, y ésta es la historia que escribiré desde la luz del convento.

Cada vez que pienso que lo sé, resulta que no lo sé, entonces tengo que enterarme…

SMOOTH MOVES SHORTY….

June 24th, 2010

PKIA Keratin Treatment Beauty

Click below to listen to Hair the Musical

I’ve got some seriously brittle and dry hair, and this is before lightning my “doo” a few degrees.  Laura my hairdresser has been telling me about this new treatment that will smooth it all out and cut back on my blow drys and flat ironing time.  Finally I made it happen and set the time aside; as it can take between an hour and a half and 3 hours depending on how much hair you have and who is doing the process. (My hair was done in less than 2 hours and I’ve got a TON)

Here is what it is, a protein is added to the hair by being painted on, much like the process of coloring ones hair.  It’s important that the hairdresser doing this takes her time and works in tiny sections, once the Keratin is applied I sat for probably a half hour.  Then Laura dried my hair all the way through, once she finished she took a flat iron and a skinny comb as to once again break the hair into fine sections and run the flat iron through, the heat sets the protein.

The process is actually good for the hair as you are depositing and not lifting.  There are different types of this process so make sure that you are getting a good on and without formaldehyde.

So here is what you wanna know did it work? YEP – it’s been two weeks and I’ve not blow dried my hair once, I have used a flat iron once to smooth the ends a bit and that’s it!!!! Now when I let my hair air dry it’s smooth with body.  This treatment is way different than the Japanese straightening process, it’s way less hard core and it doesn’t leave your hair straight to the point of sharp looking – of course if you want that then grab your flat iron and top it off.

The process lasts for 3 to 6 months depending on how well you take care of your hair, meaning no chlorine, salt water or harsh shampoo’s – no shampoos with sulfates as they strip the hair of the protein.  When I swim I tie it up and if it get wet I just rinse it off immediately with clean water.

My favorite salon here in Nasvhille is EYE CANDY  – see Tony for haircuts – seriously best layer cutter I’ve EVER had and he cuts the mess out of Lee’s wild doo – NO ONE has ever done such a great job. See Laura for KERATIN treatment and color, also Laura owns her own salon in Hendersonville, TN.

Eyecandy Salon 1201 Villa Pl Nashville. (615)321-1363. Salon LuXe 112 B Saundersville Rd Hendersonville TN (615)264-9114. Laura Roark

Un tratamiento suave para ti, nena…

June 24th, 2010

PKIA Keratin Treatment la princesa lo sabetodo

Haz clic abajo para escuchar Hair the Musical

Tengo un cabello bastante quebradizo y seco, incluso antes de aclarármelo algunos tonos. Laura, mi estilista, me ha hablado sobre este nuevo tratamiento, que iba a dejarlo bien liso y me ahorraría tiempo en el uso de la secadora y la plancha alisadora. Finalmente, lo hice y decidí no pensar en el tiempo, porque esto puede durar entre una hora y media y tres horas, dependiendo de la cantidad de cabello que tengas y quién te aplique el tratamiento. (En mi caso fue menos de dos horas, y eso que tengo MUCHÍSIMO cabello)

Se trata de lo siguiente: es una proteína que se añade al cabello por medio del tinte. Es muy parecido al proceso de pintarse el pelo. Es importante que la estilista que aplique el tratamiento tome su tiempo y trabaje por pequeñas secciones. Una vez aplicada la queratina, estuve sentada como media hora. Luego Laura me secó bien el cabello. Al terminar el trabajo ella tomó una plancha alisadora y un peine delgadito, volvió a dividir mi pelo en pequeñas secciones y le pasó la plancha – el calor hace que la proteína se fije.

En realidad, el proceso es bueno para el cabello, porque le agregas algo y no le quitas nada. Hay distintos tipos de este tratamiento, así que asegúrate de tener el adecuado y sin formaldehidos.

¿Quieres saber si funciona? SÍ, han pasado dos semanas y no he usado la secadora; una vez usé la plancha alisadora para suavizar un poco las puntas, ¡y eso es todo! Ahora, cuando dejo mi pelo secarse al aire se vuelve liso y con cuerpo. Este tratamiento es muy distinto al alaciado japonés: es mucho menos intenso y no te deja el cabello tan lacio como agujas – claro, si esto es lo que quieres, puedes agarrar tu plancha alisador, para rematar.

El proceso dura entre tres y seis meses, dependiendo del cuidado que proporciones a tu cabello, es decir: nada de cloro, agua salada o champús abrasivos, nada de champús que contengan sulfatos, porque éstos le quitan al cabello la proteína. Cuando nado lo recojo, y si se moja sólo lo enjuago inmediatamente con agua limpia.

Mi salón favorito aquí, en Nashville, es el EYE CANDY. Para cortarte el pelo ve con Tony: de veras, me ha hecho el mejor corte de cabello en capas que jamás haya tenido. Además, le corta a Lee el desorden de su melena salvaje: NADIE jamás ha hecho un trabajo tan estupendo. Para el tratamiento de queratina y el tinte ve con Laura. Además, Laura tiene su propio salón en Hendersonville, Tennessee.

Eyecandy Salon 1201 Villa Pl Nashville. (615)321-1363. Salon LuXe 112 B Saundersville Rd Hendersonville TN (615)264-9114. Laura Roark

EYES OF PROTECTION….

June 22nd, 2010

Gosh, I love taking it all out…the past week has been non-stop and sometimes I wonder how to get it all done, but I just keep showing up and pushing through.

Princess Know It All Please dont make me connectI want to do it all, I want to hang out with my girls, soak up my time with my nephew, he’s going to be a senior next year and this is probably our last summer just to hang out together.  He’s been staying with me since he was 8 – our summer time together has really meant a lot to me.  Bella is loving having him around and Lola too…Last week was interesting the girls were invited to a birthday party last minute and of course since my new “motto” is to join and not isolate keeping my “PLEASE, DON’T MAKE ME CONNECT” at bay.

I shifted everything around to get there; the little girl hosting the party is a new camp friend.  I was thrilled to meet her two dads, as fo’sho this is a world that I can fit into.  The best part was the cake, one of the dad’s – had made it singing of the 1970’s Tennessee – as he used an old school Barbie to top it!  I was reminded of my grandmothers 1970’s toilet roll covers that were hand crocheted; a totally warm and cozy feeling.IMG_1174

I sat down and took it all in, one of the dad’s leads ghost tours here in the city; I didn’t know they gave ghost tours – but now it makes sense as they do in most old cities with horse drawn carriages.  With a relaxed slip I said “Oh, I know this town is haunted – we’ve had our own experience.”  Then an elderly woman sitting next to me started to talk about “The House With Whispering Walls.”  Apparently she lived in the neighborhood long ago when things went down.  She used to play in that house as a child.

Again the room got cold and crowded, I became super uncomfortable and I knew that their memories – those that live in the walls – were next to me.

Oh, man I was torn between wanting to go there and asking as many questions as possible…and not participating.  The lady next to me however was intriguing; as she shared her experiences I put pieces together.  Not wanting to reveal too much and conflicted with the fact that this was not an appropriate place to discuss all of this.  However the kids were off on jumpy playground equipment and not in earshot.  I had to hold back and connect the dots – feeling protective of what I’d experienced and my relationship with the memories of that house.

The owner of the house had attempted to convince me that NO one before us had undergone anything uncomfortable while living in the house, including the family that lived there during the tragedy.  In fact she ran a list of how happy folks had been.  She’d forgotten that when we first moved in she’d taken me to lunch and spoke openly about how her husband had become paranoid and drank to much – destroying their marriage; sounds like a happy time.

According to my birthday party guest many folks who’d lived in that house had stumbled down a tragic path – including the original owners.  According to the elderly woman two of the originals had suffered deeply…one drinking herself to death and the other taking her own life.

That’s the thing when we live within the energetic memories of others…we are influenced, especially if these memories are kept alive by many living beings.

It’s the argument over say alcoholism – it’s not just genetically passed down but energetically – like if your dad was a drunk and he never drank in front of you, he still lived in that house with you and the feelings of a drunks space effect us.  When we grow up we’ve become influenced by this drunk’s way of living and find ourselves either drinking or again living with an addict – recreating the energy of our childhood.  That old saying – we are whom we hang around – is true.

Moving into a house that holds deep secrets, sadness and loss can only invoke those feelings within current residents.  Especially if the house itself has never been cleaned or even acknowledged.

My dreams there were paranoid, frightening and full of what I couldn’t speak out against or protect.  Since moving into our current house I’ve not had ONE dream like this.

I went to see Happy Son Of My People the next day; you see he’s not just an acupuncturist but also a Rabbi in the making– a Kabalistic teacher to me.  He had come to our old house when things got really crazy and he himself saw the face of what went on there.  When I walked into his office I climbed upon the table and told him “they are back.”

He immediately set to placing needles throughout my body, particularly certain points on the bottom of my feet.  Let me tell you shorty, these points HURT – I felt like I was stepping on nails.  When I asked him in Hebrew – “Mazay” (what is that point) he said “Kapara those are soul points, they are setting a boundary and opening your comprehension to other worlds and other life times.”  Then we spoke of what was going on, he said, “They want you to use your voice. You understand from the inside out what went on there, do you want to write it?”

I felt very quiet, not sure…then I drifted off into a dreamlike state that only the acupuncture needles take me too.  I saw an arrow and then a bulls-eye, the bulls-eye turned into the “Eye of God” known to some as the “Evil Eye” as it is said to protect one from negativity.  IMG_1236

Then I heard the elderly woman from the birthday party, her voice rang in my ears she asked did I have protection?  Then she asked had there been any stigmata in the house – I would have thought this incredibly bizarre – but instead I wondered how she could have known?

I woke up from my dream like state, still not sure if I wanna go there…Happy Son Of My People told me to talk to “them – the memories of the whispering walls” ask them what is it that they want to convey and then tell them that I need to do this in my own time and in my own way.

The elderly woman had wanted to get together and talk some more…I just gotta figure out if I really want to go  there; do I really want to know anymore? Or do I know too much as it is?  She did tell me that it wasn’t the spirits that were touchy about this story but also the living humans that remember.

Drive by….

June 16th, 2010

The other day I drove by our old house, the one with “Whispering Walls”.  It’d been sometime since I’d passed, not because I consciously was trying to avoid it but because my daily driving route has changed.

IMG_1198Ever since passing by my mind has been hooked by memories of what we experienced there, I know I left you all hanging but it was for good reason – once we knew what we knew it was all I could do to pack as fast as humanly possible and get out.  I’ve not spoken in detail about what went down, not because the landlord asked me not too, which she did and I respecting her didn’t want to hinder the future sale of her home, however I did inform her that in good faith she must tell future renters  -  had I known I’d never have moved in there – but of course it was all perfect, had we not moved in there our presence couldn’t have shifted a very old situation the way that it did….I’m getting ahead of myself, sorry.

My real reason for not writing was because the darkness that did what it did in that house was so big I fo’sho didn’t want it following me via my memories to our new house; my Poppy (my grandfather) always said “Decide where you stand the light or dark, once you make that decision stick with it.”  So at a young age I KNEW I was fixn’ to walk in the light – avoiding as best as possible any interaction with darkness.

I have NEVER been a fan of horror movies, scary books and to tell the truth Halloween and it’s “Evil” characters kind of creep me out. Dressing up in funny things are cool with Mee & of course vampires as I am obsessed with the idea of immortality; the thought of what it would be like to really get good at this human reaction thing is intriguing.

The Day of the Dead, is one of my favorite holidays – because it’s not about sadness but again celebrating the connection as we pass through the veils of this world – death is not evil its an intricate part of life.  With all this said and my deepening comprehension of memories, time & ghosts – that our memories actually are what haunts our hallways and dreams – what went down in our last Casa is revealing it’s self with a new perspective.

Tonight I spoke to a friend on the phone that I’d not caught up with since before Thanksgiving, and well it was the day after the Thanksgiving weekend that everything began to unravel and the truth would not remain hidden – the clanging of cupboards and doors was no longer something we could ignore.

As I began to tell her, why we’d moved so suddenly; the room got cold and felt as if it were crowding in on me.  Before I could even finish the first sentence my friend suddenly said you know what let’s not talk about this, my body is covered in chills. I said thanks, we can talk about it later when I see you in California.

After we hung up, I sat alone in my room and yet that crowded feeling filled the space – I thought of Senora Gina and how she nips situations, folks & thoughts in the butt -”Oh, No We Aren’t Going There”  came out of my mouth, with the same I’m not playing around tone as Senora used when with me when the possibility of Cancer knocked on my door.IMG_1201

Just like a bully on a playground pulls back from someone who stands up to them – refusing to feed their poison -  I did not participate – this is how one stays in the light; and so the energy in my room shifted.

What left remaining was her, I thought of her all night….the one who’s story I have tried to leave behind.  Not such an easy task being a truth teller.

So I will wait and in time maybe I will write more, but I know that I will not pass that house again because they will feel me, and then I will hear their memories…

That’s the thing about memories they are everywhere and can really be heard, the more attention that a memory has been given the more power it has in the present.

I’m too tired to write anymore and like I said sunrise is many hours away and this is a tale I shall write from the light of the Convent.

LAS MANSIONES Y LAS MAGNOLIAS

June 16th, 2010

Florida, Florida y otra vez Florida!

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¡Cómo me hacía falta un viaje a la costa!.. Estar sentada junto al mar dándome chapuzones – ¡qué bien le cayó eso a Mee! Tan sólo pasar un rato en la casa de Memaw (mi suegra) fue un escape, porque ella vive en otro mundo. Me fascina visitarla, observar su mente saltar de aquí para allá – “para allá” quiere decir algún momento durante los últimos noventa años.

En realidad, su confusión no es tanta, más bien es un rápido viaje en el tiempo que la deja girar entre todas las vidas que ha vivido.

La vieja casa está llena de recuerdos, puedes sentir que pasan rozándote en pleno día. De pronto, me acerco más a la pared para dejarlos pasar, como señal de respeto a esos seres que alguna vez caminaron por estos pisos, siendo humanos. Sé que mi suegra está arriba, en su habitación, hurgando en los tiempos que vivió con ellos, invitándolos a entrar a esos enormes espacios a través de su memoria.

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Lo único que seguramente se puede decir de esa casa, es que no se percibe como sola o vacía. Con cada mirada, mi propia imaginación se echa a andar, o quizás no sea mi imaginación, sino los ojos de mi corazón que bailan entrando y saliendo de los recuerdos de Memaw. A Lee y a mí nos encanta pasar las tardes sentados afuera, en la gran veranda frontal, que da al río Saint John. Puedo pasar horas contemplando el grande y viejo árbol de magnolia…Muchas imágenes de gente bien vestida, de los tiempos pasados, aparecen en el espectacular césped…Veo unas mesas cubiertas con manteles blancas que se mezclan con unos hombres vestidos de esmoquin blanco, y una big band tocando al fondo. Cada vez que entro a la cocina encuentro a Idora, que está sentada sola mirando por la ventana. En este otoño cumple noventa y cinco años, pero cada mañana se pone su uniforme blanco y baja a trabajar. Ahora trabajar para ella significa correr las persianas, poner la alarma y a veces lavar unos cuantos trastes. Está perdiendo el oído, pero su mente es como la de Memaw, y ella también pasa sus días viajando a través de los mundos de su pasado. La cocina, donde se encuentra la mayor parte de los días, está llena de toda la gente que alguna vez trabajó ahí con ella. Como a las nueve de la mañana aparece el equipo de trabajadores, cocineros y sirvientas que laboran de día; y se siente de verdad que el espacio se llena de gente. Una vez más, le cedo el paso a lo invisible.

Siempre paso mucho tiempo con Idora. Como debo cocinar mi comida con ingredientes naturales, ella se sienta conmigo recordando el pasado al ver mis métodos de preparación de alimentos, confirmando que es, efectivamente, una manera ancestral de cocinar. NO es ninguna NUEVA forma al estilo hippy de tratar la comida, sino lo que la gente comía en un principio: COMIDA DE VERDAD.

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Esta semana platicamos de su papá, Wyatt, y cómo fue su vida. Es que Idora nació en una vieja plantación de Georgia; su padre era aparcero. Ya me había hablado de eso antes, pero esta vez se sumergió en los recuerdos. Cuando le pregunté qué vida tenía alguien que había crecido en aquella vieja plantación, me dijo: “Fue duro, pues teníamos que hacer lo que nos decían”. Respondí, con mi mentalidad de yanqui ignorante: “Pero ustedes eran trabajadores independientes.” Se rio con su voz profunda y fuerte, diciendo. “Niña, la independencia no llegó a los negros en el sur sólo porque ya no éramos esclavos”. Luego, de repente empezó a platicar de su mamá y qué cocinaba ella, y cómo le había enseñado el quehacer de la cocina. La profunda y melodiosa voz de Idora y su uso del lenguaje me llevan por su túnel del tiempo, sobre todo cuando ella está emocionada con algo, como lo está con la comida que preparo. “Terrón de Azúcar, claro que estoy feliz de que tú alimentes a mis nenas con una comida de verdad y no, con esas cosas enlatadas y de botes. Yo nunca le di de comer al Viejo Lee esas porquerías cuando era un jovencito”.

A las niñas les encanta estar con esas mujeres. Creen que Idora también es su abuela, y lo misterioso de la casa las entretiene. Los grandes candiles que cuelga de los gigantescos techos, y las pinturas de la gente de antaño, suscitan las preguntas de Bella y Lola. De hecho, pienso que ellas también bailan entrando y saliendo de los recuerdos de Idora y Memaw – no podría ser de otra manera. Esas dos magnolias de acero – bellas, grandes y raras mujeres – me recuerdan que la vida y el tiempo pasan; aunque no hay que ponerse triste por su pérdida, porque los momentos de magia están ahí para ser saboreados. Son como el aroma de la magnolia: uno nunca olvida ese olor. Y al igual que el perfume de magnolia, se quedan guardados dentro, para ponértelos cuando necesitas refrescarte.

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Mi parte favorita de la visita era sentarme en la biblioteca y ver a Bella cantar para Memaw y Idora. Sé que no les queda mucho tiempo en este mundo, y quiero que al irse SEPAN quiénes son las niñas. Como vivimos lejos y ellas ahora son viajeras en el tiempo de los recuerdos, espero que vuelvan a invitar a mis chiquillas a la casa a través de sus recuerdos, llenando los salones con sus dulces voces cuando nos hayamos ido. Es la magia de los recuerdos: se crean a cada instante.

Unos días después nos fuimos al sur, para visitar a mis abuelos. Déjenme decirles que son ASOMBROSOS: ambos siguen tan llenos de vida como hace años. Papi enseñó a Bella a andar en su carrito de golf alrededor del “camping de casas rodantes yanqui” (como se le refiere Lee); y luego pasaron la tarde nadando junto con las niñas en la alberca. Una parte de mí no quería irse; al contrario, yo también deseaba nadar a través del tiempo y pasar el resto del verano con ellos, como lo hacía de niña.

Al finalizar la semana, era tiempo de regresar a Nashville, de vuelta al ruedo. Ayer Bella empezó con el campamento de verano en su nueva escuela, y le ENCANTÓ. Lo que me encantó a mí fue el poder llevarla caminando al campamento de verano, entrar con ella y conocer a los maestros encargados del campamento. ¡Incluso, hablé con otra mamá! ¡Bella se hizo amiga de otra niña, que estará en su salón y vive en nuestra calle! Esta mañana Lola y yo nos vestimos temprano para ir caminando a su escuela. Me siento bien porque sé que estoy estableciendo vínculos y me rindo a lo DESCONOCIDO.

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LIGHT PACKING!

June 14th, 2010

Princess Know It All Style in MexicoI’M GOING ON VACATION -California and Mexico are part of my vacation plan!!!

We travel like mad and what I’ve learned is how LITTLE I really need; in fact the less I pack the more I wear and the more inventive I become!  This is the KEY to good style – being creative with what we have.  I love gladiator sandals ’cause they are hip, stylin’ & comfy! I bring a tote  (Marc Jacobs) for my carry on’s (1 magazine, 1 book, 1 note book & lap top)  that I use on the plane, bus & train and the only purse is my leather hip bag (hand made bought in Sayulita) – it keeps my cash, id & iphone right next to me.

I love dresses, if the weather cools off I always have a pair of leggings – they take up NO space, the fabric is light enough – yet keeps my legs warm. One bikini is enough ’cause I wash it out; I use my beach wrap as a shawl too!

The same rules apply to toiletries – I pack a small case,  VITAMIN A and Oxybenzone FREE sunblock – these ingredients actually increase the cancer cells when put on the skin that sits in the sun, a scented oil for perfume – small and compact.  I squeeze my shampoo’s and lotions into travel size containers and take ONLY what I NEED.

Remember there are laundry services EVERY where we travel, so send your things to be washed or stop by a laundry mat, wash your undies out in the sink and always slip flip flops into your bag – I don’t like to walk bare footed in hotel rooms.

The real deal is that I’m going on vacation to feel lighter so why would I pack a huge bag of jackass and insist on taking it with us?

Mansions and Magnolias

June 9th, 2010

Florida, Florida and more Florida!

IMG_1145What a much needed trip to the coast…sitting by the sea and dipping in it was so good fo’da- Mee!  Hanging out in Memaw’s (my mother in –law) house was an escape in it’s own right, as she lives in another world – visiting with her is fascinating to me – watching her mind jump from now to then – then being somewhere in the last 90 years.

Her confusion isn’t really confusion as much as it is rapid time travel leaving her to spin between all the life’s that she’s led.

The old house is full of memories, you can feel them brush by in the middle of the day – I find myself stepping closer to the wall, getting out of the way, lending respect to these folks that once walked the floors in human form.  I know that my mother in law is up there in her room sorting through their times together calling them into the great rooms via her memory.

The one thing that is fo’sho in this here house is that it doesn’t feel lonely or empty, with every glance my own imagination is triggered or maybe it’s not my imagination but the eyes of myIMG_1122 heart that dance in and out of Memaw’s memories – Lee and I love to spend our early evenings sitting  out on the large front porch overlooking the St. John’s River, I can stare at the big ‘ole Magnolia tree for hours, images of well dressed folks from times gone by fill the grandiose lawn – I see white table clothed tables mixing with men in white dinner jackets and a big band playing in the back ground.   Whenever I enter the kitchen I find Idora sitting alone staring off and out the window, she will be 95 years old this fall – still every morning she puts on her white uniform and heads down stairs for work, work for her now consist of opening the blinds, setting the alarm system and occasionally washing a few dishes.  Her hearing is leaving her but her mind is like Memaw’s and she too spends her days traveling through the worlds of her past – the kitchen where she now resides most days is full of all the folks that ever worked there with her; around 9am the day crew of current workers cooks and maids show up & the room really feels crowded – once again I find myself stepping out of the way for the invisible.

I always spend a great deal of time with Idora, as I must cook my whole foods diet she sits with me, reminiscing on my methods of food preparation confirming that indeed this is ancestral cooking – NOT some NEW hippy way of approaching food – but what folks originally ate – ACTUAL FOOD.

IMG_1139This week we talked about her daddy – Wyatt and what life was like for him, you see Idora was born on an old Georgia plantation; her daddy was a share cropper – she’d talked to me before about it but this time she was having a deep memory – when I asked what life was like growing up on that old plantation she said “It was tough, we had to do what they said.”  I responded with my ignorant Yankee mentality – but you all were independent workers – she laughed her deep loud laugh saying, “girl independence didn’t come to black folks in the south just ‘cause we wasn’t slaves no more.”   She then jumped to talking about her momma and what she cooked, and how she taught her what to do in the kitchen.  Idora’s deep & melodic voice and use of language pulls me through her tunnel of time, especially when she gets excited about something as she did with my cooking, “Sugar Lump, I sho’ is happy that You is feeding my babies real food and none of this can and boxed stuff – I didn’t never feed Old Lee none dat mess when he was a youngin’.”

The girls love being with these women, they believe Idora to be their grandma too, and the house entertains them with its mystery.  The large chandeliers that dangle from giant ceilings and paintings of folks from long ago has Bella asking questions and Lola too, in fact I think that they too dance in and out of Idora and Memaws memories – it’s not really possible to not – these  two Steel Magnolias, large, rare and beautiful women, remind me that life and time is passing – not to be saddened by its loss IMG_1100because the moments of magic are there to be savored; just like  the smell of a Magnolia, one never forgets the smell – and just like a Magnolias  scent is stored deep within to be pulled on when a refreshing moment is needed.

My favorite part of the visit was sitting in the library and watching Bella sing for Memaw and Idora, I know that they are not long for this world and I do want them to leave KNOWING who the girls are.  Being that we live far and they are now memory time travelers I’m hoping that they will call my little ones back into the house via their memories, filling the halls with their sweet voices after we leave; that’s the magic of memories they are created in every instant.

After a few days we headed south to visit with my grandparents, let me tell you they are AMAZING – the two of them are just as spry as they were years ago, Poppy taught Bella to drive his golf cart around the “Yankee Trailer Park” (as Lee refers to it) and then they spent the afternoon swimming with the girls in the pool.  A part of me didn’t want to leave; instead I too wanted to crawl back through time and spend the rest of the summer with them as I had when I was a kid.

IMG_1082By the weeks end it was time to return to Nashville and jump back in the game, Bella started summer camp at her new school yesterday and LOVED it – what I loved was being able to walk her to summer camp and then walk her inside and meet the teachers that run the camp, I even spoke to another parent!  Bella made a friend who will be in her class and lives on our street!  This morning Lola and I dressed early to walk her to the school, I’m feeling positive ‘cause I know I’m getting connected and surrendering to the UNKOWN.

VIAJE A TRAVÉS DEL TIEMPO MONTADA EN UN DRAGÓN DE MOSAICO

June 8th, 2010

Tengo que sacar este blog, y no sé bien por qué me ha tomado tanto tiempo terminar de escribirlo. Bueno, esto no es del todo cierto…IMG_0983

El sábado pasado, cuando metimos las cosas al auto y partimos a Florida, sucedió algo en el momento en que subimos al coche: desaparecí retirándome a mi propio mundo. No soy de los que disfrutan de largos viajes en coche; sin embargo, las primeras siete horas parecieron transcurrir rápidamente, mientras yo soltaba todo aquello a lo que me había aferrado tanto.

Los diez días previos al viaje fueron dedicados al fin del año escolar, la limpieza después de la inundación y la recuperación posterior. Hemos avanzado, desembolsando dinero a cada rato (tanto a la SBA o la gente de los préstamos para desastres, como a la FEMA), pero cruzamos los dedos para que todo eso termine pronto.

En cuanto a las niñas, se trataba de concluir su ciclo en la escuela actual: Bella no regresará, y parece que Lola, tampoco. En el caso de Bella, se da por entendido que ella quiere cambiar y entrar a un ámbito más estructurado y de mayor calidad académica. He encontrado una nueva escuela privada cerca, a la cual se llega caminando. Esperamos que eso le ayude a integrarse a una verdadera comunidad. Con Lola el asunto está menos sencillo: ella AMA a sus maestras, y en realidad a mí también me caen bien. Sin embargo, el hecho de que en su salón he tenido un contacto breve con unas mujeres verdaderamente lindas pero no he establecido vínculo con ellas, me incomoda. Si Lola tuviera más edad la situación no presentaría ningún problema, pero el hecho de que está en preescolar, cuando se trata de pasarla bien y gozar de amistades y de citas para jugar, me convence de que debo buscarnos una situación mejor si tenemos que quedarnos en Nashville. A mi mamá NUNCA le gustó  el Colegio Oberlin, tampoco estableció vínculos, y eso representó un obstáculo para mí: si ella hubiese participado más, mi experiencia habría tenido una influencia más positiva. Al salir del picnic organizado por el salón de Lola tuve una conversación seria conmigo misma: “Debo encontrar una manera de integrarnos a una comunidad: la escuela actual de las niñas no nos conviene”. Dando vueltas a todos estos pensamientos me doy cuenta de que la situación está que arde: sus mejores amigas – las niñas de Marielle – se han ido a México, donde se quedarán a vivir.

Eso me trae a la mente la parte más difícil de las últimas semanas, las despedidas… Yo sé, yo sé, los oigo a todos: que no hay despedidas, que puedes mantener la amistad…Sé todo esto por nuestra vida de gitanos: lo he hecho con todos mis amigos. Sin embargo, como lo entendemos Marielle y yo, no es lo mismo. Nos hemos apoyado de verdad una a la otra en nuestra aventura en Nashville, pero lo que me sorprendía era mi relación con sus hijas. No soy de los que se vuelven locos por los hijos de otra gente; sinceramente, estoy muy ocupada. Pero durante el año pasado de veras quise apoyar a mis pequeñas, y las hijas de Marielle fueron un complemento perfecto para las mías: increíblemente, son de mucho mundo ya que tienen un hogar en París y en la Ciudad de México; son sumamente inteligentes, flexibles y creativas. Desde muy temprano empezamos nuestros paseos en coche, las recogía después de las clases, nos juntábamos para jugar y escuchábamos música a todo volumen en mi coche, lo cual las incitaba a bailar sentadas y hacer tonterías (aprendía algo de eso con mi propia mamá).

IMG_0997La última semana de su estancia en Nashville, conviví con ellas lo más que pude. Durante nuestra última salida al Dragon Park Inés, la mayor, desapareció: descubrí que ella había trepó al dragón cubierto de mosaico y estaba llorando. Subí también y me senté a su lado, entonces empezó a compartir conmigo: “Sabes, Mee, este dragón me ayuda a recordar mi vida aquí, en Nashville: estoy pensando en todos los lugares donde he estado y los lugares que yo quería visitar, pero a donde mi mamá no me pudo llevar. Este dragón, incluso, me está ayudando a recordar este mismo momento que estoy pasando contigo”. Le di unas palmaditas en la espalda, impresionada por la profundidad de la comprensión que tenía esa niña de ocho años, y le dije con sosiego: “Estás viendo el tiempo, es lo que más me gusta hacer”. Sollozó más fuerte, preguntando: “¿Cómo puede ser que nadie más lo haga?” Le expliqué que muchos sí lo hacen, pero no se dan cuenta de eso o están tan felices de tan sólo ver el momento presente que su tiempo para reflexionar llega más tarde.

El último día que pasamos juntas, Marielle me dio un regalo. Al abrirlo, mis ojos también se llenaron de lágrimas: su regalo reflejaba lo que yo soy verdaderamente y por lo que lucho. Mis lágrimas eran una señal de que yo me di cuenta de que Marielle SABÍA quién soy: lo único que queremos todos es ser lo que somos.IMG_0962

El astrólogo Bill Atride me dijo acerca de mi traslado a Nashville que éste era mi “lugar de dicha y destino”, donde yo iba a establecer SÓLO relaciones conmovedoras. Lo que no entendí era el que una de esas relaciones conmovedoras sería la que tendría con dos chiquillas, que éstas me inspirarían y llenarían mi vida. Tampoco pensé que ellas iban a influir sobre mí de esta manera – mostrándome que yo misma también ejerzo cierta influencia.

Así que estoy sentada en la magnífica casa de mi suegra – una verdadera vista de Tara arriba del río Saint John; hay magnolias floreciendo por doquier y musgo español colgando de cada árbol que lo tiene…Esa casa es como una elegante cápsula del tiempo para viajar a otro mundo – perfecta para una chica como yo, que ahorra tiempo.

Marielle, te extraño y agradezco tu amistad. He pensado en nuestras pláticas acerca de qué lugar de interés visitaríamos ahora y quiénes seríamos. Creo que tal vez tengas razón y Nashville resulte ser mi “lugar de interés”.

Shopping at the Turnip Truck

June 8th, 2010

Today, Princess Know It All is shopping at the Turnip Truck

More than ever I am paying attention to what I actually put on my skin and scalp – our skin and scalp are our largest organs – pores are holes that lead to ones blood stream, our scalp is itched and scratched at least once a day – these scratches leave little tiny cuts – throw on some chemicals and guess what? A straight shot to our BRAINS!  On a vanity point sulfates and parabens thin the hair, study’s have shown that in men there is an even more rapid rate of thinning – hence leading to BALDNESS!!  For Mee I break out in a giant rash as the sulfates irritate my skin.

What’s really got me in a tizzy are the effects of OXYBENZONE & VITAMIN A in sunblocks – what these two ingredients do when placed on the skin and then sat in the hot sun is yes, keep the skin from burning however under the skin they are cooking up some serious cancer cells at an intense rate – that’s right Oxybenzone is a KNOWN carcinogen and found in almost EVERY commercial child’s sunblock.  Vitamin A is usually found in beauty products that boost anti- aging properties, this is true it does seem to slow down the aging process however what it does when placed in sunblock products and that cover sun bathing or sun exposed skin – is cook up cancer cells underneath!  I have been a HUGE fan of mineral make- ups and I still am however MOST of them have SPF mixed with Vitamin A – so what I’ve done is changed my sunblocks and my mineral product is not used at the beach or for periods of time outside.  The hope is that there are plenty of chemical free blocks that work – we just spent the week at the beach with the kids and used a great product (click on link for more info) with these products it takes a bit of effort ’cause one must reply every two hours or after swimming.  Good luck my friends and happy label reading — remember keeping our BLOOD clean keeps us healthy!

Traveling through time on a Mosaic Dragon…

June 3rd, 2010

I have got to get this blog out, not sure why it’s taken so long to push through. Well that’s not completely true…

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Last Saturday we loaded up and drove to Florida, something happened the moment we got in the car – I disappeared into my own private world.  I’m not one to enjoy a long ride in the car, however the first 7 hours seemed to move along as I let go of the survival mode that I’d been clinging to so ever tightly.

The 10 days before leaving were busy with the end of the school year and flood clean up and flood recovery, we’ve been moving forward and paying out of pocket as we go – the SBA or disaster loan folks are almost as full of it as FEMA – however we are crossing our fingers that soon they will come through.

For the girls it’s been about wrapping up their time at their current school, Bella will not return and it’s looking like nor will Lola.  For Bella it’s a given she wants to change and attend a more structured and academic environment, I’ve found a nice private school in our neighborhood within walking distance – we are hoping this will aid in joining an actual community.  Lola is tricky, she LOVES her teachers and I too do really like them, however the fact that I’ve met really nice women briefly from her class and yet not connected is uncomfortable – if Lola were older it’d be an OK situation but the fact that this is pre- school and a sweet time to enjoy friendships and play dates, I gotta get us a better situation if we are to stay in Nashville – my momma NEVER liked Oberlin nor felt a connection – this hindered me – had she participated more my experience would have been influenced more positively.  After leaving Lola’s class picnic I had a serious conversation with myself – “I’ve got to find a way to form community” – the girls current school is not a fit for us.  All of this thinking comes to a head,  because her main friends – Marielles girls have left for Mexico, where they will live full time.

This brings me to the tuff part of the the past few weeks, goodbyes…I know, I know, I hear you all from here – there are no goodbyes, you can maintain friendship – I know this because of our gypsy life I’ve done this with all of my friends – however as Marielle and I understand it is not the same, we have really come support each other in our Nashville adventure – what surprised me was my relationship with her girls.  I’m not someone who goes crazy for other peoples kids, I’m honest – my hands are full – but for the past year I’ve really wanted to support my girls and Marielles kids were a perfect complement to mine; they are incredibly worldly as they have a home in Paris as well as Mexico City, they are super intelligent, flexible and creative.  I began car pooling them early on, picking them up after school, having play dates and listening to music loudly in the car – forcing them all to “seat dance” and be silly (something I learned from my own momma).IMG_0997

The last week they were in Nashville I kept them as much as possible, on our last trip to the Dragon Park, Ines the older one disappeared – I turned to find that she had climbed high upon the mosaic covered dragon and was full of tears – as I climbed up to sit with her she started to share with me “Mee, do you know that this dragon helps me remember my life here in Nashville – I am thinking about all the places I have been and the places my mother wasn’t able to take me that I wanted to visit. This Dragon is even helping me remember this moment right now with you.”  I rubbed her back caught by the depth of  her 8-year-old comprehension, I said quietly “You are seeing time – it is my favorite thing to do.”  She began to sob harder asking, “How come no one else does?”  I explained that many do, they just aren’t so aware of it or that they are so happy to only see the current moment in the moment that their time for reflecting comes later.

On our last day together Marielle handed me a gift, as I sat opening this gift my eyes too filled with tears – her gift was reflective of who I truly am and what I strive for – my tears were for the realization that Marielle KNOWS who I am – this is all we all want is to be who we are.

The astrologer Bill Atride told me upon moving to Nashville that I was there because it was my “place of luck & destiny” he said I would ONLY form poignant relationships.  What I didn’t realize is that one of those poignant relationships would be with two little girls, that they would inspire me and fulfill my world – I also didn’t’ expect them to influence me in such ways – showing me that I too am somewhat of an influencer myself.

IMG_0962So here I am sitting in my mother in laws magnificent home – truly a vision of Tara over looking the St. Johns River; there are Magnolia’s blooming everywhere and Spanish moss dangles from every tree that will have it…This house is like an elegant  time capsule to another world  – perfect for a time saving gal like me.

Marielle, I miss you and thank you for your friendship – I have thought about our conversations regarding which interesting place we will visit next and who will we become -I’m thinking that just maybe you are right and Nashville will turn out to be my “Interesting Place.”

  

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