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Monthly Archive Of November 2010


I Felt God Speak….

November 17, 2010

I’m not sure where to start, I’m in the middle of one of those experience’s that for sure have their own outcome – there is no controlling this process, no need to stress or fret – just show up and life will make it happen.

I’ve been awake since 3am – bad headache and inner dialogue that wouldn’t let me go…my mind was running through a list of what happened, what I shoulda – woulda – coulda wanna said, did etc., Finally it was time to get out of bed, I dressed and headed straight to acupuncture – I’ve been seeing someone beside Happy Son Of My People, mixing up my healing and taking it to another level – and y’all Dr. Sheng is GOOD.  I knew that those needles were gonna ground me and the first thing that Dr.Sheng said to me was “Gurl, (yes she pronounces it this way as she has a thick Chinese accent) your root tired.  Why you run your body so hard?”

I shrugged and responded “but I like life so much I just want to go fast.”  She “tisked” me as I climbed on the table, ready to go down and stop that “thinking” of mine.

So you all have followed the Noble Makeover and know that I’ve been rockin’ and rollin but what you don’t know is what happened at Corinthian Baptist Church, however before I can fill you in I need to let you know a bit more about my religious history.

I was baptized Catholic – twice actually as my family was told I was sure to not survive infancy.  My father’s family was Episcopalian, and until my parents divorce Catholicism is all we knew.  I’m not sure what went on in my momma’s head, I suppose the shattering of the dream that she’d been creating opened her up to question “WHY” and “HOW COME.” (peep this link view a video about my momma’s religious journey)

We moved to Oberlin and far away from her strong Italian roots and she started searching – we tried out and even joined almost every church in town from Seventh Day Adventist, Jehovah’s Witness’s to Methodist.  The Methodist Church located directly across the street from our house on Groveland St.; a predominately African American community – as we were the only “white” family, even though being white was questioned regularly as my mother was far from waspy – dark eyes, olive skin, prominent nose and late 1978 disco style afro – we viewed ourselves as “Other” and if you’re an “Other” than you know this can be both a tricky spot as well as liberating – as there is more freedom to become a “unique” being.

On the Sundays that we didn’t go off exploring churches, my momma would open the windows and have us sit and listen to the choir at Russ Methodist, she said listening to humans express their emotions like that was what church was really about – celebrating life.

This weekend was huge ‘cause my sister drove 10 hours to be there with me, packing in her trunk a box of stuff from my grandmother’s kitchen – The House That Built Mee.  You see my grandparents supported my mothers exploring and kept their own Catholic position, giving us a Catholic Root.  Nicole and I have always judged our success by how much food we have in the fridge, as kids we were so hungry and so embarrassed to tell anyone.  We felt judged by the uppity white folks and our neighbors were poor black folks with nothing to eat themselves.  When your momma is all you got and she is sick in the hospital for two weeks at a time, growing up and being able to buy whatever you want to eat at the market is SUCCESS.

Saturday morning was a rush, up until 9:00pm the night before we didn’t know if anyone was really coming – we’d had a communication mishap.  Nicole and I cooked with Love everything in advance for the first Noble Food Makeover, we had to feed 12 folks and I wanted the first cooking lesson to be set up and easy, once it was over my goal was for us to sit together at the table – connected.  I looked over at my sister and thought how appropriate it was to have her by my side not only were we providing a meal but one that actually can heal – fo’sho my momma was there witnessing.  The evening ended in a blessing, a man named Mark that I believe to live in AUSTRALIA, who has been following this site stepped up and donated a dishwasher of the congregations choice, then came a woman named Joanne & her daughter Ashley from THE BAY AREA who donated 4 dozen complete sets of stone ware dishes. Another friend Heather Muro from OHIO is sending me a box of kitchen goods.  Participation is the best medicine, so if you can hook us up – it doesn’t’ matter where you are!

Yesterday we all went to Corinthian Baptist Church, all meaning my husband, daughters, sister, nephew and Mary Alice – my sister by love.  I didn’t know that I was going to speak I thought we were just gonna pass out flyers and get some footage of the congregation.  However Pastor Fuzz was on it and he had a plan, before I knew it I was speaking before the congregation, a bit nervous and overwhelmed I was having so many personal realizations, hence the purpose of church – to see ourselves and only then can we see God/Nature/Creation.  I was welcomed to the back room where all of the deacons and Pastor Enoch Fuzz gathered to plan out the service and pray.  I looked into the faces that tie this community together, it was something out of a movie I tell you – most of these men have been part of this congregation for way more than 50 years, they have seen time and I watched as movies played across their faces.

Isabella my 8 year old got in the mix, making her way to the pulpit, taking the microphone thanking the congregation for having her and telling them that she appreciated how kind everyone was to one another.  My eyes sparkled as I witnessed her confidence and capability, as this is one of the things that IS on my parenting list I have KNOWN from day one that I CAN give this gift to my children.  Then she BROUGHT it, singing acapello “If I die young”. This feeling of good was only starting to warm up, before we knew it our entire row was tapping, rockin’, singing and clapping.  We were there and nowhere else – present.  Pastor Fuzz spoke about how we are all the same – humans – there is no difference in us – we are all a work in progress – which we are never in a position to judge, not even ourselves. 

What a wonderful sermon for my first real Baptist Church experience; as a little girl my momma took us to a “Hell Damnation” Baptist Church once but all the hell damnation scared the mess out of us.  Pastor Fuzz is all about encouraging folks to step up and take the high road.  And let me tell you, these folks are on board for the Noble Food Makeover, they are fixn’ to prove that we all want to eat better and feel better, that we do have a CHOICE and life has brought me to one of the noblest groups in town to guide.

At one point in the service my whole body filled with emotion and I “felt” God speak…

When you’ve been as sick as I have for as long as I was – 14 years total, suffering close to death bowel obstructions I have prayed and asked him “Why?” Yesterday he answered, via feeling – I KNEW that all of the things I’ve gone through were to lead me directly to the seat that I was sitting in. I looked around the room and looked into the faces of all of my new teachers, I will guide them with food and they will usher in yet another level of experience for me to heal from. It is said that a writer writes to retrieve what they have lost…

At 3am when my headache was bangin’ and my mind was ramblin I thought wow, I’m following in my mothers footsteps once again introducing my daughter to different faiths so that she can learn that there are MANY paths to God.

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Remebering My Life & Seeing Myself Via My Momma’s..

November 11, 2010

If I Die Young – The Band Perry.

(I love this song – peep it)

I’m looking under every stone for the pieces of my personal puzzle, my memory is razor sharp and I feel like I’m tearing through my past at a rapid speed…

I woke up at 3am tossing and turning, asking myself what was that all about? I have NO clue what I was dreaming however when I opened my eyes my mind took me back 9 years to Hollywood and my life as it was.  I was working as a bartender on the Sunset Strip – “bubblin’ in Dublins” (really I worked there and JZ would come in for the Brent Bold House Parties), pursuing a career as an actress and a writer.  I lived in a groovy Hollywood apartment and sang back up for Karma Cloud, a slammin’ singer & fabulous person.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the people I knew – wondering where they are now and who they have become – not become in the career sense of the word but “who have they grown into?”

This last thought shifted me to see who I was and have become.  I quickly got out of bed and opened up my old journals reading my words as if for the first time – see I’m no longer her, the her that was living that life back then- I’m no longer dreaming that dream.  It’s amazing how desperate one can be in their 20’s –for me it was so tumultuous and I was so very fearful of the unknown – we are or at least “I” was obsessed with “what’s next?”

I turned 30 with a force – I started dreaming a new dream one centered around building first a family, home, career and proving that all that I’ve created is good enough.

I haven’t made it to my 40’s yet but they lurk around the corner, I find myself peaking at them much like a young child sneaking tad bits of adult conversations after bed time, wondering just what it’s all really about this club of women with their heads held high, tall and dancing in the direction of their own choices.

My mother died at 39, just before entering this club of confidence -The Sharp Knife of Short Life.  I think of her as my “childhood momma” meaning she guided me in my young formative years. After she died, life handed me over to a handful of women that would rear the “Adult Mee.”

Of course at the time of her death I had no idea that I could ever love other women the way I have loved my blood momma, but I knew to leave my heart open and reach – ‘cause that’s what my momma taught me to do.

The past 6 weeks my “Adult Momma’s” have been making the rounds, checking in and checking me out.  I think of these gals as my BFF’s with momma heartstrings,

I feel so honored that the women I am  surrounded by range in age from 50 to almost 70. I’m addicted to inspiration, seriously addicted.  I search for it, in fashion, food, beauty and of course nature i.e., God.  I listen for it to whisper in my ear, I look for it in my dreams and I hunt for it in my relationships,hence being friends with older woman who have created lives out of conscience choice – they are full of inspiration.

I like to look through their looking glasses, I want to see what they see and share their perspectives.  There is a sense of humor in women over 50, they seem to be whom it is that they are – owning what they’ve got and relaxing into the lives that they have created.

All of these women hold a line with me & I them – my mother watches from the other side staying tied by time.  You see it is no longer blood that connects us, as none flows through her veins – but love, reminding me that love is what creates families.

Peggy Raess, Gina Portillo, Joan Borysenko, and this past weekend “The Witness” returned.

I first met her a day before my wedding, you see her husband The Professor was Lee’s best man.  Funny coincidence that my man of honor “Fonso”was just here a week before.

“The Witness” watched me walk down an aisle and into a brand new world of wife life and true partnership.  She came again when Bella was born and taught me how to tend to babies, she showed up on the mountain where we lived off the grid – completely solar & generator dependent, she flew to the jungle and pulled down her bathing suit to take a shit and sat upon a poisonous snake, she awoke in the middle of the night to catch cows that had escaped from their pastures on our ranch and she watched me shrink away as I clung to every bean and grain of brown rice in attempt to heal my body with food and this week she came to see me yet again.  What she witnessed is that I am strong and calm.

I suppose all the momma’s makin’ their drive bye’s is a sure sign that I’m fixn’ to step off into a new level of experience.  Life has brought a cold into our house and in Chinese Medicine a cold represents wind moving through the body and wind is an omen of change.

I’m having a busy week, preparing for my launch of the Noble Food Make Over, and more houseguests – my sister and nephew are arriving later tonight.

Next week I’m going to Chattanooga for the week, I’m leaving Lee and the girls to fend fo’ themselves and I’m checking into a groovy hotel with a whole foods down the street – I’ve heard God – she has told me “finish the rewrite”, so I’m gonna go where I have NO distractions and get down, maybe if I write where NO one knows my name, I can bring my game?

There are some things I left out of the book the first time around, this time I’m fixn’ to “go there.”  That’s the thing about writing – going there, pushing through takes lack of judgment and giant balls. Isn’t it amazing that we can live our lives and then we have to work to remember it? No wonder it’s tough for our partners to KNOW who we are if we can barely see ourselves.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been sifting through my past leaving no stone unturned –   ‘cause just maybe if I push hard enough I will pass through this layer of skin and re- begin : Conscience Reincarnation baby.

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Mee & My People…

November 2, 2010

What a week!

I’m thinking a lot about family and what this word means, ’cause you see my non-blood family has been filling up my house for the past two weeks. Our kitchen reinvented itself as a disco/sing off center!

We’ve been cooking and singing and dancing for days – all of us – lee, kids & guests.  I’m thrilled by it all, you see as a child my amazing “blood” family filled the kitchen with music and dancing, my Uncle Mike & Aunt Mel brought the beats home playing the guitar, harmonica & mandolin – Friday night Bella led our living room in a concert and we all sang along – I smiled ’cause I brought the sound of my childhood into the ears of my children; passing it down y’all.

I truly believe that food and its ability to heal depends on the amount of love put into to each cut, toss and stir.  This week I’ve been feeling great, maybe because I’ve been laughing and loving so dang much.

Ted & Peggy arrived from the Bay Area and Fonso flew in from NYC; Fonso is my BFF for the past 20 years – we met at the University of Maryland and the moment I sat next to him I KNEW I’d found one of my “Persons”.  I’m really quite lucky ‘cause now I KNOW how to distinguish “my people”.   If we ain’t “peeps” then I keep it sweet and move on.

It’s really quite easy to recognize my people now, we giggle about the same things, we bounce back, hold a line for one another no matter how often we speak and like I said last week “we see each others greatness.”  A sure sign you ain’t my kin is if your sniffing fo’my sin.. ’Cause shor-tay them sins are there and trust you me I knows about them.

Ted & Peggy have been lovin’ on me and recognizing my greatness since my early 20’s when I was floating around LA young and lost, they grabbed a hold of me and held a space in their home where I came for Sunday dinner and shared my life.  You see they never had kids and now they know why – I was coming and dang it was gonna take all four of their arms to hold me tight.  They were both working as life coaches and in truth they have been the best possible guides that I could have ever followed.  Ted a fantastic graphic designer and owner of Raess Design, is the artist for this site – bringing PKIA to her cartoon form!

Fonso, is just a giggle fest, he is my brother from another mother, we are like two little kids – seriously funny stuff goes down when these folks all come to town.  Ted & Peggy got to know Fonso when he moved to LA and next door to me when Bella was a baby – I needed my best friend and he came, he moved to LA  just after finishing law school –he was also my “Man of Honor” in my wedding – I didn’t have a maid of honor.   Fonso has filled my life & living rooms with laughter and dancing, when the babies were little we would dance with them for hours; I’d read that a person learns rhythm from exposure to movement at a young age.  My momma said that if I could dance that I’d know how to find the beat when life losses it’s tempo – I think she was right.  This past weekend the two of us looked at each other with that “dang” they are grown and dancing on their own, and WOW they’ve got style.

Saturday was all about  Cheekwood for a celebration of the Day of the Dead, WOW more music & dancing this time it was  Salsa, once again we were up and dancing!  What a great time – plus Chihully was there in the back ground, reminding me that when we are creating nature is moving through us.

Sunday Halloween happened,  we have had some great Halloweens in the past, living in Malibu for years “The Colony” a neighborhood full of celebrity and movie makers take Halloween to a fabulous level, last year we trick or treated in the Venice Canals and that was pretty awesome too, we’ve spent a Halloween in the Jungle – Sayulita where folks gather in the town square dressed up and parading.  However this year was a show stopping topper!  Lee and I organized a gathering and before I knew it there were more than 30 folks on my front lawn ALL dressed up – adults included, so guess what this means y’all – we have created community here in Nashville – I can NO longer complain that I have NO friends – ‘cause that ain’t true – I sho’do…..

We live in a super cool area, a REAL neighborhood and neighbors that we LOVE, Bella and Lee were Avatars, Lola the lady bug, Fonso – DJ Lance from Yo Gabba Gabba, Peggy – the fat chef, Mary Alice – The Naughty Nun- Ted an old rocker from the ‘80’s and of course I was a gypsy – something not to far off from Mee.  The real costume couple award went to my friends Jeremy & Stephanie who arrived as Diego & Frida!

Fonso left early yesterday morning, Ted & Peggy leave tonight and I will prepare the house for our next guests that arrive tomorrow from Arizona – “The Witness & The Professor.”  Yes, I get tired out but I love a house full of folks…. I’m holding on to time and storing as many memories as possible ’cause what I KNOW is that MY life is about my relationships with “Mee & My People.”

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