Winter has been cool with me up until a few days ago…. Then I looked out at the grey sky and got pissed asking the clouds “aren’t you ever gonna leave?”
I’ve been diggin’ the process of going inside and feeling my way through the darkness. Hibernating works for me as I’m a total home girl, I love to cook and tend to my house. Plus I’ve been knocking out the final edit of my book – and let me tell you the first version was a skinny old chicken bone compared to the fat and saucy meat I’ve been serving up this round.
The best about writing for me is seeing just how real I can get with me, I always sit down and tell myself come on girl lets go there…So I suppose I’ve just got to surrender again to winter.
For two weeks I’ve been on a seriously fast tread mill of living, Lola tripped while rockin’ her most fabulous pair of cowboy boots, she came down hard on the corner of the closet door – leaving her face looking like an Avatar, blue & green. We’ve been waiting to see if it’s really broken, however only a week later the bruising is almost all gone and the swelling is dissipating by the day.
I wanted to panic as her face gushed with blood however there was no point knowing that life had moved through our house once again and the only way to react is to not…Vanderbilt Children’s hospital to the rescue and we returned home knowing that time would heal all.
This past week I had one of those out of body moments where I was offered the rare moment to really see me – and who I’ve been becoming. I was cooking dinner, cleaning & tending to life of course it was the one-day that I had nothing prepared and everyone including myself was worn by the long day. I watched myself as a silent witness would, I calmly hooked up our dinner, cleaned up as I went along and helped Bella will her homework as Lola shuffled between my feet – no stress or exhaustion.
Suddenly I flashed back to a year ago and how HARD life was for me, I felt awful most of the time and dang was I holding on to our big life by a thread. I was crabby & short in my temperament. Totally out of balance.
Now a days I’m chillin’ and getting it all done at a healthy pace and I’m not in constant pain nor am I jonesin’ for coffee come 3pm in hope that a caffeine boost will get me to 7pm.
After making this observation I thought OK it’s time to get my blood work run. The last time I had any blood work done I was in a heap of hot “messnes’”. My iron was almost undetectable in the blood, no vitamin absorption was happening in my intestines and basically I was a target for collapsing at any moment. I spent the first 6 months in Nashville getting iron transfusions in the Chemo ward. The doctor said I’d need them for the rest of my life since my body didn’t seem to have the ability to absorb iron from food.
Well, exactly 2 years ago today I changed my kitchen table to one that is covered with healing foods determined to find my way from that chemo ward forever.
A week ago I met with an MD here in Nashville who ran everything – I’m talking serious blood work and guess what?
My intestines are absorbing EVERYTHING! I have the perfect amount of iron, b12, & my Vitamin D is not super low! This is GIANT y’all cause it means that A MEAL CAN HEAL and I’m proof…I cried when the doctor read me the results, you see for so long I have lived in fear of the big C word – cancer and cancer lives in a body that has a weakened immune system and I do not have this fo’sho!
Last night we celebrated Lee’s birthday, in my most favorite way a homemade cake and his favorite meal. Mary Alice joined us, again we all reflected on the past two years and what we have experienced.
I recalled the Lee’s first birthday that we spent together. We went to the Grand Canyon in the dead of winter and stayed at the El Tovar, this classic hotel that sits 20 ft. from the rim of the Grand Canyon. I’d never been to the Grand Canyon before and to see it in the winter was absolutely breathtaking. I remember watching Lee walk into the dining room wearing his fabulous cowboy hat and moving with true swagger and thinking – well, I picked someone with unique style, this should be an interesting journey. I had no idea how big the view of life that we would share was gonna get…Happy Birthday Lee McCormick you are a wonderful traveling partner.
This morning I turned my calendar and read the day’s message “ I feel so healthy and happy today.”
So here I go, changing the story in my head that I will die young and moving forward with an even bigger view of living.