PKIA: My Story

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Part One: LA and Beyond!

August 3rd, 2010

My plans for LA were to relax, hang out on the beach and catch up with all of my Malibu Momma’s.

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What my plans were and what happened were two different things; I ended up going as fast as I possibly could.  Running the girls to The C.O.O.L School (California Ocean of Learning) day camp every morning, preparing packed lunches, driving up and down the Pacific Coast Highway and rushing to prepare for one meeting after another.  These meetings were all great and revolving around my writing, it’s just that I wasn’t in work mode and I’d forgotten how crazy LA traffic and living just is!

In fact I found myself looking at LA with new eyes, eyes that aren’t so enamored or in the True Blood sense – I was unglamoured.

I first arrived in LA 20 years old and amazed at how life could become anything I wanted it to be, I saw all the magic and fell in love with the ability to dream big.  My first job was on the 3rd St. Promenade, Gretchen (my friend & roommate) and I hit the pavement, stopping in every groovy shop or restaurant sitting on this walk way street full of street performers, playing music for nickels, rapping, dancing, beating buckets turning them into drums and pantomimes.  I finally scored a job working as a cocktail waitress, and listening to these folks bringing it every night, inspired me  to figure out what I was good at and go for it.

Isabella has fo’sho got a pinch of Mee & Lee in her, when she was 4 we walked along this street watching the performers, one little girl in particular stood out, she was about 8 years old and singing Alicia Keys, her daddy was there with her running the amp while she did her best to “bring it.”  Bella looked up at me and asked “Momma when I’m 8 can I sing here on this street like her?”

I said, “Of course you can.”

Immediately upon arriving in LA, Bella kept asking if she could sing like that little girl, I was shocked that she remembered! Again I shook it off and said “Sure one day.”

Bella made great friends with a girl named Allie, a counselor at the summer camp and also an aspiring singer/guitar player.  Allie, a pretty young gal about 21 came to babysit one evening.  Lee and I went to dinner and Allie said she was going to take the girls for a treat on the 3rd St. Promenade, I left car seats and away they went.  Lee and I returned home and the girls were still out and it was almost 8:30pm, suddenly the door flew open and with it a burst of excitement bounced into the room.  Bella had convinced Allie to let her sing while Allie played guitar to all of the Taylor Swift hits that Bella has memorized. Meanwhile, Lola jumped around in the background yelling “Give us so money so we can buy some pillow pets.”  They have been asking me for a pillow pet stuffed animal for months, apparently they were performing next to a cart that sold them!  Not only did they earn money for two pillow pets but also 164.00 bucks!  Bella was beside herself with glee and pride, I was torn – “Oh, no my youngin’s are buskin on the street fo’dollars – what will the neighbors say?”  IMG_1376

OK Not really, you see I thought you go y’all, brave and entrepreneurial.  However when they wanted to return the following day, I said “NO” that would have made it a job.

So, Bella fell hard in love with LA, she could see all the magic, while I struggled with focusing on the traffic, lack of employment and the closing of so many of my favorite shops.  I kept seeing water shortages and then something huge – what has fed LA and all of those folks that eat and live there is Hollywood, most productions for TV and film originated there and were mostly shot there.  Now, not only are shows and films shot else where due to the high cost of LA filming but, that big old energy is spreading out around the globe and content is now created EVERY WHERE, just look at PKIA, we shoot high definition videos here in Nashville and 30,000 folks follow this site – all coming from 120 countries – so not only is publishing shifting but so is all of the entertainment industry.  Every time something is done somewhere other than LA, folks in LA lose a little bit more.  What’s happening is that people can’t afford to run business’s – rent for an average size restaurant spot in Santa Monica goes for $40,000 per month, people can’t pay their house notes let alone their rentals with the average home not apartment renting for $4,000 on the low end and $8,000 on average.  I never noticed this before moving to the Jungle and to Nashville, you see because it was really all I knew – I’ve lived in California longer than anywhere else.

LA was a yo-yo fo’Mee, one morning Lee and I spent the day at Surf Rider beach in Malibu, there was a contest and while Lee surfed, the girls and I watched young girls paddle out and catch some bangin’ waves.  I looked up at the mountains and thought this is what I want for my girls.  Then we drove back into the city and met my Aunt Connie in Venice for lunch.

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Aunt Connie has owned a head shop/souvenir store since the 1960’s.  She knows all the street performers and carni like folks that cover the boardwalk.  When I first moved to Venice hanging at her shop was part of my deal, Aunt Connie and her wide view of the world guided me.  This time Venice Beach was INSANE, beyond INSANE – the craziness and the crazy’s were in full force.  Aunt Connie’s latest BFF is one of the local street psychics that sit along the boardwalk reading tarot cards and telling tourist what they can expect.  Aunt Connie insisted that I have a reading; she wanted to know when I was coming home!  Before I knew it I was caught up in a wave of craziness and being dragged to the boardwalk by a LOONEY TOON TYPHON, dressed in a 1970’s pink, brides maid bonnet, long skirt, tennis shoes and one good eye.  Finally we made it past all the gang bangers, pot smokers (yep folks are smoking pot on the board walk – there are TONS of medicinal marijuana joints everywhere & script doctors!) There are way too many street performers too; in fact so many they have to rotate spaces in shifts.

This pink bonnet psychic brought me to her card table covered with purple velvet fabric and began to tell me about Mee, I could barely listen to her let alone look at her, she had so much crud around her mouth and her nails were filthy – my OCD self prayed that she wasn’t gonna try to read my palms!

I didn’t know that what she was going to tell me would ring so true…..

Lessons in Food

May 19th, 2009

The tooth rat came!
I’m assuming he took the tooth with him ’cause I haven’t been able to find it and I’m hoping that Bella doesn’t find it before me!
Speaking of Bella, she’s been having terrible tummy aches for the past year, maybe longer. When we were in the jungle I chalked it up to stress or water issues. Now that I’m digging through my own set of “guts” paying attention to what stirs hers is in my face…
Of course, lurking in my mind is… “Could she have this too?”

Saturday, I jumped up in my ride and rode over too Virginia Harper’s house (she is also my food counselor) for a cooking class. This was desperately needed because I’m getting a bit bored with the rice, bean and veggie combo that has become my staple.
I hadn’t been back for a cooking class since January, all my learning has come from books and websites. There were a few people who had been at that first class and they were shocked to see me, because they couldn’t believe that it was me! I guess I looked very ill in January and now I’m glowing (so they said). Ginny went on to say that she never judges what will happen with someone when they show up, it’s all about inner strength and lining it up in one’s mind and heart, “claiming” it, as she says.
As we went around the room introducing ourselves, one of the women told the tale of her son who was diagnosed with Crohnes Disease in the the 7th grade. By 9th grade he wasn’t getting better and suffering terrible side effects from the medicines. Their family has been eating whole foods ever since and he will graduate from high school next week with a clean colonoscopy! That’s right folks, his colon is FREE of all signs, symptoms, ulcerations and inflamation! The DOCTORS have given him a clean bill of health!!!
I thought of Bella…
My turn came around and I shared my journey so far, ending with my fear of passing this on to my girls.
The last woman to tell her tale gathered herself before speaking and then, with a deep breath out, she began her story of why she was there: her 9 year old daughter has been sick with Crohnes for the past few years. They have tried EVERYTHING, the little girl is now in Vanderbilt hospital with a colon that looks like chopped beef, it’s so torn up and bleeding that the doctors want to remove the entire colon – at only 9 YEARS OLD!” Of course the docs aren’t bad, they are trying their best to help her but medicine will NOT. Look at food as a reason or at least an alternative.
Once again, the only thing touching the inside of the intestines is food, why wouldn’t it affect it?
As the woman told her tale, my eyes filled with tears, not for me but for Bella and all of the people that suffer, especially the kids. Did you all know that LITTLE kids are the fastest growing population of digestive diseases?
Wonder why? What are they eating? Cookies, hot dogs, white flour products, tons of dairy, fast food… how many kids do you know that eat WHOLE grains and beans with a side of veggies for lunch? How many public schools serve this alongside of organic meat or fish for lunch?
NONE!
Just as the little girl’s momma was about to finish, she turned and said to me, “So the next time your husband or someone else hands one of your little girls an ice cream cone or a bag of chips think of my daughter. If your mom had this and you have this, you should be “PREVENTING” this as a gift to them.”
I lost it.
Big tears…
It was as if a knife shot through my heart into my back.

I returned to my house and immediately sat at my past life statue’s feet, praying for this little girl, praying for her mother, praying for my little girls and praying for myself… for the strength to make this happen for my family, not just me.
Later that night my tummy burned with emotion but I knew what to do to take care of myself. I drank my Umeboshi Plum, Twig Tea and Kuzu root with Shoyu sauce brew, soaked in a warm tub scrubbing my skin to circulate the blood, and relaxed on my bed. Within a few hours the pain in my abdomen passed and I claimed my position once again.
This way of living works, I just need to stay calm and patient.
Yesterday I returned to Happy Son Of My People for some acupuncture. I told him of my pain but that I wasn’t worried because I know this is all part of my healing. He said that when my heart is whacked with such a fearful blow, my tummy takes the brunt of it, locking up and constricting, and holding on tight, bracing for another mental punch.
This time I didn’t do it, this time I let it roll and opted to take care of myself by “CALMING” my mind and body.
Happy Son Of My People loaded me with a GANG of needles, I was KNOCKED out. I have no idea how long I drifted between realities, but everytime I tried to open my eyes I felt a part of my body drop deeper into peaceful darkness.
No visions, no thoughts, just rest.

I took Bella to the doctor, they ran SED rate tests on her and another blood test looking for signs of Crohnes… I’m waiting for the information to come back.
The little girl in the hospital is having a hard time now – her body has developed “steroidal diabetes.” I spoke to her mom yesterday, all she has to do is get this girl stable and then she will make her well… I will pray again today.

WALKING IN TWO WORLDS…

May 11th, 2009


I have a whole list of things to do before writing this blog but my goodness I need to process…
I just left “Happy Son of My People,” wrapped up in a blanket of time.

Today we discussed the stomach, the great processor of our lives and food. For example, the stomach doesn’t actually digest anything; it doesn’t absorb what we eat but rather sorts and grinds it all in preparation for the Intestines, or as I like to call it our “life tunnel.” In the intesntinse, life is absorbed – “live” food (as opposed to fake food) that is processed well in the stomach is easily absorbed through the walls of the intestines and passed through the body. If we eat crap, there is nothing to be absorbed and we become ill nourished. The stomach also processes all the food we feed our mind and heart.
Last week I had tons of anxiety-ridden dreams; I was watching way too much news, the Housewives shows and teetering back and forth on what I believe to be true in every aspect of life!
Not to mention the fact that we’ve had more than 10 days straight of rain and storms roll through on a daily basis, which has left me sitting under a tremendous amount of “cloudy pressure.”
To top this Hot Mess of a stormy “Banana Split,” I’ve got a running list of what I need to get done in my work and, this list runs over and over in my mind like a toy train under the Christmas tree, with an annoying whistle that blows just as I start to relax!
What a combo for my stomach to digest! If my stomach is my mental food processor, I’ve been feeding it JUNK! Not just junk but all kinds of thoughts and worries from every possible direction.
Now I’ve got to slow down and take on one thought at a time, one bite at a time. Because if I don’t, by the time this stuff makes it to my intestines or “life tunnel” there will nothing healthy to pass into my heart and mind, moving my mental focus in a positive direction…..hmmmm…now I gotta chew my thoughts 50 times too?

The good news is that I’ve hired an assistant, or as Happy Son Of My People says, an “ENZYME!” I, MEE TRACY, hired her, not “HI I CAN SAVE YOU”.
This aspect of my personality has made some not so hot choices in the past. “HI I CAN SAVE THEM” has good intentions, she finds people that need a job or an opportunity, sees their potential and spends all day cheering them on in THEIR life!
Of course this NEVER works ’cause after a few weeks I tire of the CHEERLEADER role and end up more behind in my own work! Then, when I need them to step it up, they can’t because they never believed they could in the first place! ugh…

Yesterday, Senora Gina arranged a huge treat for me: MARIA and ANGELES on SKYPE! Lola, Bella and I were thrilled to see their faces! It’s been almost 2 months since we were there. I usually do OK here, I keep my head down and focus on my own private world – working, tending to the girls, my house, Lee – but if I look up and see that we are alone, I choke.
I spent years in LA building a family from the friends I collected and our time in Mexico was magical because these “familial relationships” immediately popped up!
Looking up at the screen and seeing them was too much.
All night I was stalked by this question, “How can I love these two women the way I do?” How can I crave a country that is not mine? How can I yearn for a world that is so far from me? I lived 17 years in Ohio yet I don’t miss it? Even with all the struggles of Mexico and the Jungle, how can I long in this way?
Since I was already looking up, I picked up the phone to have a heart to heart talk with Nanny. She, too, cradles my heart.

This morning I hopped up on that table, loaded with needles and understanding that I need to slow down with my crazy mental list, I quickly fell into a deeply relaxed place…..
I watched as my mind rambled the “Mental Monday Rush.” Then I saw a beautiful middle aged Spanish woman in an elegant, full length dress looking at me from the corner of a courtyard, typical of older homes in Mexico City or Guadalajara. Her eyes were warm and proud. To the left of me was the most handsome man, he was regal and his eyes, too, were warm and shining upon me, the eyes of a father. I looked down and recognized my hands as they have always been, long and thin resting together on my lap. I was amazed by the dress that I was wearing! It was a traditional formal Mexican/Spanish style dress of the late 1800′s to early 1900′s. The dress had cream lace laid over cream satin with a floor length skirt. I twirled around in the dress and caught my reflection in the mirror – I was young, 15 maybe. Then I caught a stronger glance of the woman in the corner, she was MARIA. As I spun towards her I called her name, “Mama”…. The young man next to me stepped closer, reaching his hand towards me saying, “Come my child.” As I looked up, I saw Senora Gina deep in his eyes, his face was beautiful like hers and showed the gentleness she holds for me. I felt a tear run down my cheek.

From the very first time I travelled to Mexico, I felt as if I were walking in two worlds, one current and one long ago. I always find myself looking for the Mexico of before.
I know someone else out there can relate to this, isn’t that why many people like historical places?
With the influx of emotion in my body I opened my eyes, looking around the acupuncture room as if I’d just woken from a dream. Seeing where I was, I quickly closed them wanting to return to that dream. I sat with the darkness and then found myself kneeling before a beautiful white statue of the “Blessed Mother” in a very simple church. The next flash was of giant houses along a beautiful street, houses unike any I’ve ever seen. My clothes too had changed, I was wearing a long skirt with an apron, my shoes were black boots and old. When I touched my hair it was coarse and tied up and somewhere I heard a voice look at your hands. They were my hands again, long and thin, but the color was that of cocoa. I could hear people speaking but it for sure wasn’t in Spanish or English – it was FRENCH!
I saw myself cleaning inside a house, scrubbing the floor on my knees. This time the language was English, but with an accent. I flashed again, back inside the church there was the statue of Mary and, again, I sat at her feet.
NEW ORLEANS? Funny, I’ve never been there – nor wanted to.
But the statue in my living room has!

Years ago, Lee and I passed a beautiful life size cast iron statue of the Blessed Mother in the window of a really cool gallery in Santa Monica. I yelled, “Stop!” He circled back around the block and we went into see her. She was AMAZING, I never before had any desire to own such an item, but at this moment I wanted this statue!!
Lee thought I was a bit nuts, plus she was REALLY expensive. The dealer told us of her travels, she was created in France in the late 1700′s where she stood in a church. Then, in the early 1800′s she moved to New Orleans and held her place in another church for many years. For some reason, she was sent to Argentina before finding her way to LA in 2004.
Now she stands in my formal living room where I still sit at her feet.

Just months before my mother passed I came home from college to spend the weekend with her. It was an amazing weekend; we finally shared secrets like friends (when we were young she didn’t believe she was our friend, instead A mother was what she thought her kids needed.) One of the tales she shared with me was of the Buddhist theory, “We come in with a circle of people we have been with before, this is our blood family.
We start here, working out what we need to accomplish first, building our platform of who we will become. Then we go into the world and find the rest of our circle. Depending on who you become and with how much peace and love you live your life, you have the opportinty for these past relationships to show themselves.”
Maybe she was right?
I wonder who else is out there that I have not connected with?
Maybe I should look up from my bubble?

COULD SOMEONE PLEASE OPEN A WINDOW?

May 5th, 2009

OK so I am now in a bit of an invisible duel with someone I have never seen!
As you all know, my office is located in a giant old convent.
The Convent is expected to be FREEZING cold all winter long and even on some warm spring days. For the past few days the temperature has dropped into the 40′s and 50′s at night, only climbing into the 60′s during the day. Today, it’s still cloudy but slightly warmer, maybe 70 degrees.

Well the thermostat for the building is right outside of my door and someone keeps putting the AC on!!!! The damp convent gets even colder!!!
This person comes out and turns the AC on. I wait until their steps are gone and I turn it off! he, heeeee…
But I have finally tired of this nonsense, so I posted a note:

“Seriously, it is 70 degrees out and the earth is melting! We have been freezing all winter and now we are missing this season. What happened to fresh air and opening your window? How about making some personal changes? Wear less clothes? If a bit over weight, drop some lbs?”

This is one of my biggest “peeves” we freeze all winter and everyone complains but the SECOND the temperature rises above 69 degrees, we turn the AC on!!!!
When we moved into our house, the windows had not been opened for 10 YEARS!!!! Can you imagine how unhealthy it is to not have breathed fresh air for 10 YEARS!!!!
The weekend before last it was really lovely outside so I opened all of our windows and the kids and I lived outside. I was surprised at how few homes had windows open and even fewer people were outside!!!
Maybe it’s not just the food are eat that’s makes us ill, but the lack of a relationship with the outdoors, starting with fresh air!!!

Click Three Times…..

April 15th, 2009



It’s been so long since I lived in a tornado-ridden area that I forgot how scary these things can be!
The other day, a woman ran through the Convent, telling us to all get to the basement!
She said there were two huge funnels coming this way and would be here in 20 minutes! Of course I have no radio or TV in there so I flew up and started packing for home, I had to convince her that I lived close and my girls were home alone with the maid who spoke no English and doesn’t ever watch T.V.!
Once I got into the car, I found out that the tornado wasn’t coming this way but South of us. Sadness struck 20 miles, packing punch and devastation.
Someone said to me, “How can you be so frightened of tornadoes, you’ve lived through Malibu fires, earthquakes, Drug Cartels and flying Grenades in the neighboring village in the jungle?”
Hmmmm…
I guess I need some ruby red slippers.
But where is home?

Maybe this all ties into the recurring dream I’ve been having,.
It varies a bit, but the story is always the same!
People are either trying to break in or have found a way in to my house. Always it’s this house in Nashville!
The dreams aren’t scary, just uncomfortable because I want these folks out of my home!
The invaders are always different – once it was a crew from a local circus, another time some farmers and their animals moved in, and a few nights ago people were trying to break in to our house in Sayulita, but it was really this house!
In my dream last night, there were two women in my house and, once I realized that they, too, were not leaving I asked them, “What do you want?”
They disappeared!

Maybe this house has tons of living that’s gone on in it since it’s so old. Maybe the worlds and memories it holds are smackin’ into mine?

Bella tells me that there is a man here and Lola doesn’t like him!
For sure, there is. For sure, there has got to be at least one person that’s lived here with strong memories, revisiting them from the other side or a tucked away space in their mind.
The other day, the housekeeper told me she thought I was the person walking around upstairs until I walked through the front door….
When the Witness was here she asked if I had been up late one night making food in the kitchen. I told her, “No, I don’t eat mid-night.”
She said she’d definitely heard pans clanking around….
Tonight I was downstairs and the girls were upstairs when suddenly the front door FLEW OPEN and then popped back (it was chained at the top.)
I froze.
Then I called my closest friends in Santa Rosa, California! Ha ha… ‘Cause they could run right over?
I whisperd into the phone, “What do I do?”
As I crept around holding a butter knife but I saw that NO one was out there.
Funny thing – the door was still locked and this is a tough old door to open!

So yeah, maybe something is happening inside this house but, for sure, the real action is inside of me. My introverted side, which believe it or not is sometimes greater than my extroverted side, is totally freaking out!

When I started this blog, it was just for a few family members and close friends to to keep up with our wandering whereabouts. Then it began to spread around and now a few thousand people read it. The realization of this spins my introvert inside and makes her want to hide.
To push her even more, I just shot my first episode of a weekly cooking show! After watching the first edit, little miss introvert freaked!
Plus my first book is very close to completion and publication and my online magazine is fixin’ to launch!

Maybe she is right; maybe I should listen to her and stay hidden in my casa, scribbling in journals that I pass on to my girls one day.
“FAT CHANCE!” says my extrovert.
The writer in me wants to keep movin’ forward, growing, stretching and sharing!

On Tuesday I had my weekly “Happy Son of My People” session and WHEW, was it interesting. As I climbed on the table I told him, “I have an agenda, my creativity! I’m ready to focus here, for the past few months it’s been about moving the healing energy around in my body, but the rest of me is ready to rock and roll!”

I should have known from his giggle that I was in for a ride!
The first part of the session focused on my tummy. He stuck a ton of needles in me and explained in near verbatim as Ginny Harper that the healing of the digestive track moves downward, starting at the top: “mouth, esophagus, stomach, small bowel etc.”
This totally makes sense ’cause my pain that has been in one spot for 10 YEARS just moved! Where did it move to? My DESCENDING colon. Heading down, baby!
As I was resting with my needles a HUGE pain took over this exact spot, it felt like WICKED gas or some thing trying to push through. When Gil came back in the room I asked him, “What was that?”
“Qi!” he said.
Energy.
Hmmmm… I said.
Once flipped onto my tummy and REALLY loaded up with needles, I thought I would settle in and have a really nice trippy-like dream! HA!
Instead, I was OVERWHELMED by heat and pressure. I couldn’t get any air, or so my dramatic and imaginative self thought. Not wanting to seem like a total lunatic and start banging on the wall, I rode it out.
THANK GOD Happy Son Of My People showed up when he did!
Once he removed the needles I exclaimed, “OH MY GOD! WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?”
He giggled, “That was your Creativity and what it feels like when it hasn’t been able to move around much.”
“No Shit!” I said.
So maybe the door blowing open and all the folks in the dreams are not people trying to get inside my home, but MEE trying to get out. Maybe the haunting is my very own creativity pacing the floors…

  

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