Check it out PKIA has been reviewed for a Bloggy Award!!

This is a total honor considering just how many blogs and websites are out there in internet -landia!

Please, if you all would be so kind to read this review and then leave a comment at the bottom showing your support I’d be so ever grateful!
Follow this link to read the review and leave a comment: www.bloggyaward.com/bloggyaward/princess-know-it-all
I’m totally doing the “Hi I’m Too Much” dance!! Yahoooooooooo!

With love,

Mee
a.k.a
PKIA………

Click below to listen to People Get Ready by Eva Cassidy:

I’ve been writing about changes, but I’ve not shared what type of changes are occurring.  That’s because when you are in the “funnel cloud” all you can do is feel – as one’s vision is blurred with all the spinning.

I’ve learned to not get caught in the spin cycles the way I used too. Actually, I think it’s really practice that keeps me focused on my goals.  When I was younger things would get crazy with change and I’d drop out for a few days.

Now I just lay a line to where I’m going or what I want in my life and hold tight.

Being married to Lee is like living in one big old cloud of circular energy,  if you know him than you understand that he ALWAYS has a TON of stuff going on and that he LOVES change, he’s also not one to sit still for very long. I love this side of him, but it makes for windy and sometimes unpredictable sailing.  Currently he has so many projects going that if I tap into his dreaming or direction of things, I can lose my own personal life’s vision.  It’s taken a few years, however I’ve really mastered navigating where I place my attention, lending me to understand what I have control of and what I don’t.  Spinning in circles is pointless and leaks big energy regardless, however when one spins in another beings rinse cycle – the leak can turn into a giant hole!

Years back – I’m talking 12 – a friend of mine went to visit a psychic, this friend of mine took with them a photo of me and handed it to the psychic.  The psychic then told them that I was going to be a well-known writer.   At the time of this reading I didn’t believe this woman because the only thing I’d ever written was inside my private and personal journal – rants and raves about life.

Close to 4 years ago, another friend of mine went to see this same person, she called me and shared her experience – encouraging me to give this gal a shout out and have a reading.  I took the number but felt no reason to call – I was situated in my life in Malibu pregnant with Lola and happy. A few months after Lola was born, I decided to give this “Future Reading Gal” a ring – who KNOWS what she’d tell me.

For the record – I did not tell her about my friend and the photo from years back and I didn’t tell her that I’d actually become a writer.  In fact I told her very little, again “Hi I Got One Eye On You” views everyone with skepticism – especially a psychic!

Right away I liked this gal’s Ohio accent and down home feel. She jumped in, telling me I was about to move.  Of course I argued with her, telling her NO WAY, I LOVED my life and this was not in the plans.  She said “You Are Moving To PARADISE”.  Again with argument “No, I think you are reading where I currently live – Malibu – I have a view of the ocean and a palm tree in my yard.”  She continued…”No doll – you are going to live in the real paradise.” Ignoring me, she continued to tell me about my writing and what was coming.  I giggled, as I was nursing an infant and driving a toddler to and fro- the only thing I was writing were checks once a month to pay the bills.  In fact, the reason I had reached out for a reading was that I’d been going through a phase – wondering if who I had been before Lee and children, was still somewhere deep in there or had she been pushed out along with the placenta?

Guess what?

Within that year we moved to PARADISE – Sayulita, Mexico, where I took an office outside of the house and went back to work – as a writer!

Last Friday my same friend had a chat with this “Future Reading Gal” and called me. “Mee I spoke to the psychic today and she needs to talk to you. What time can she call you.”  Again I was like, no that’s cool I don’t want a reading – my friend was like “No she wants to tell you somethings she is not going to charge you, it’s important.”

So we spoke that night, guess what she said?

I’m moving!

I told her NO she is reading what I just did a month ago,and that I’ve just submitted the girls contracts for next years school year. She told me yeah that’s nice but you will move again- WEST to where there is wind and water.  She said that Bella doesn’t want to return to her current school. I argued, “I can’t keep moving these kids, I can’t keep this gypsy pace up.” Her response was simple “Your kids picked you on a soul level, they are children of the world – this is a gift.” Hmmmmm…..

She said I’m going for work, that there is a deal brewing and I’ve to got stand on my own feet, that it’s time.  She then told me that a gal I just met in Mexico City this past trip is divine intervention – we’ve got a business deal to do.  Funny thing is, I did meet with someone work related and I knew they were a fit because the second I entered their offices I felt a brush of exciting energy blow through me.  The last tip to reveal is she said I’ve got to work my butt off for the next 6 months – putting the plan together.

The rest of the reading I will keep secret , ’cause I don’t want to jinks it!

When we arrived last year I shared that we were here for only 18 months, but there was a definite part of me that was hoping that Nashville could become home.  It would be the best if this were to be true, after all we have a large ranch here and business.  I thought, if just maybe I could find a groove, we could finally rest our gypsy feet; I must mention that Nashville IS a lovely city with tons to offer.

Meeting Marielle and her girls have been a very positive influence on our life here.  Marielle is from the “A Tulips Tears” post….When she came to my house a year ago it was like I knew I could breath, her girls were a fit with mine and she and I instantly understood each other.  Marielle has lived all over the world and traveled a great deal.  She is Belgium and born in Mexico City, her family speaks French, English and Spanish.  Instantly Bella and her oldest daughter latched on to eachother, relating to one another’s large worldly views – they also shared the same family conversations “where will we go next? How long are we here for?”

In fact this is how many of Marielle’s and my conversations began, we’d sit at her breakfast nook table, surrounded by red walls and giant windows – I’d stare out the window talking about life out there (Nashville has really been a place we feel is lived inside – as no one walks or physically connects on the street often) and how we wondered who it is we were actually becoming.  You see Nashville has been, for the both of us, a place to rest, reflect and grow.  It is not our community, so socializing isn’t part of our deal here. Here is about family, husbands and for me work and healing my body.  Both of us have found inspiration in each other as we have discussed how we see our lives progressing on all levels.  Our conversations are not shallow and for me they have been wonderful little moments of connection, something I crave and feast upon.

I’m really quite cat-like in how I live life, I don’t need constant attention and once I connect with someone I am easily satisfied – fulfilled with knowing I have my “people”.  So NO, Nashville is not my heart’s desire but I’ve built a world here, my work is cranking, my health is better than it’s EVER been, I love my new house and I’ve got a couple folks to share thoughts with, plus the girls now have Marielle’s girls. I’ve made a point to car pool with them and keep a consistent weekly play date. Bella is like me – it just takes one person -in this same way, she and Ines have formed a close friendship and she is totally fulfilled.

Last night Marielle announced to me that they are returning to Mexico City the first of June…

I am sad.

I feel for Bella, as I remember my friend Heather Kelly moving away to Oregon when I was 8 years old.  My mother was supposed to load up the U Haul and move with them as Heathers momma was a single parent heading west to start over.  The day the truck came for their belongings, I cried into my pillow, for two reasons…one that I wanted us to start over and two that my close friend was leaving.  For certain this is where my “Hi I’m Fine With Out You” grabbed a hold! Of course, the list of places that she gained leverage in my personality is giant, but this moment was the first time that my heart broke and I understood why.

Ines is Bella’s friend at school, they have become each others “people.”  The problem with her school is that it’s tiny, all of the other kids have their person and hers is leaving. She’d mentioned before that she wanted to change schools, I ignored it, thinking maybe it was just middle of the year blues, then this week, she stated her case with the clarity and specifics of an adult!  I heard her…then she talked to her teacher – I thought this would convince her to stay – instead she asked me to not talk to her teacher until we visited other schools.  Hmmm..OK.

Then last night, after discussing that Ines is leaving, she again asked to pursue another avenue.  Once again Princess Know It All doesn’t KNOW what to do…do I remove her from the school and then remove her again if we move in a year?  Do I hear her, and listen to her as she asked for more structure in her classroom – she is in a Montessori elementary school so it’s a lot of independent learning.

I think I’ve just landed along my first cliff…..will I jump?

What I realized yesterday as Marielle and I sat looking out the window once again, like we always do, is that time is moving and if I’m not mindful I will miss the moment.  Marielle and I have shared wonderful conversations, about parenting, life, and living in a world that is not ours.  She says that it’s like Nashville is a stop along a train track, one where you get off and rest – protected in comfy homes with rolling lawns.  I stared out her wonderful window seeing that soon I be on the other side, looking back into a room where I once sat.

Again I am moved to emotion as I  am reminded of something I KNOW: It’s always unclear who will have great influence upon me and the amount of time of the encounter is irrelevant.

Marielle showed up in my life at a time where all I needed were tiny talks and a simple friend.

I awoke in the middle of the night feeling like that 8 year old child once again, watching yet another friend load a U Haul and re-board her train.  Destiny is a wonderful gift, Marielle and her husbands original assignment was Los Angeles and then his company’s headquarters moved to Nashville. We were meant to connect and influence one another.  As much as my “HI PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME CONNECT” wants to pop up to protect me from change, I can’t allow her.

This morning I contacted a small catholic school next to the Convent and 2 blocks from my house, I will visit them next week and maybe my new beginning is here or just maybe the psychic gal is right and we too will head west to WATER AND WIND, is this Mexico or Malibu, I don’t know – but she did say “RETURN”.

I guess, I won’t KNOW until this funnel cloud stops spinning.

Yahoo it’s March and we made it!

Check it all out, there is tons of new stuff on our site!

As our Spanish following is growing we’ve added PKIA Guia de estilo (Spanish style guide) and PKIA Beauty our new Beauty section, and for our Spanish followers, the spanish version of PKIA Beauty – PKIA Bella!

I’ve received so many emails requesting a recipe page and now it’s up too (in the left navigation bar)! PKIA Radio is bringing you an interview on SUGAR with Big Blend and Dear PKIA has been moved to the left navigation bar also…Dear PKIA is all about the dairy this month and in the Style Guide I am rocking high waisted jeans!!!

Click below to listen to “Dance Anthem of the 80s” by Regina Spektor:

Those winds of change have felt more like tornadoes on a personal level, but what I KNOW, is that they will eventually drop me off along an edge of some cliff, symbolizing all my desires and wants.  It will be up to me to actually leap into the unknown – ’cause those blowing days can only motivate me to move. With that said, once again, I’m feeling like Dorthy, wondering where in the world Toto has gone……

Last week I had a headache for 3 days straight!!

Hard core, Tylenol, ume boshi plum, Motrin can’t make it go away headache…I felt like a tulip pushing through the last layers of remaining winter ground.  In November, Lena and I had a chat – I told her and a few others that this winter was going to be about going deep inside.  My plans were to bury myself in my writing projects, feed the baby (this site) and take care of myself.

I also stated that by April I’d emerge a full blown Tulip, tangible and colorful..with the excitement of a new romance.  I’ve always loved Tulips, more so than any other flower – well Stargazer’s are pretty rocking.  The last few weeks of winter are the most trying of times, as I have outgrown living inside and am tired of the gray, searching for color everywhere, hungry for inspiration.  Much like a Tulip, pushing my way through the tunnel that leads me to the light of Spring.

So now, that I’m finding inspiration in my closet, I’m happy to announce that I have avoided my schleppy gear and I am now rockin’ things I’ve not worn in 2 years!  This has helped me get up and get it together. Another thing that’s helped, is stepping out into the world. It’ strange but the entire time we lived in our previous house, it felt almost impossible to leave it!  It wasn’t just the cold outside that whispered avoidance, but it was as if the walls were telling me there was nowhere to go…I felt trapped.

Since we’ve moved, I’m moving forward and outside. Mary Alice invited Lola, Bella and myself to attend Peter and the Wolf in Spanish at the Nashville Symphony – the narration was in Spanish.  The girls LOVED it and so did I!!!!

First of all, the Symphony here is amazing, as the building itself has been done in an art deco style.  The best part was listening and imagining with our eyes closed, Lola surprised us all by talking about it still today.

Then this past Thursday night Virgina Harper included the girls and myself to attend a dinner and gathering for Kids with Crohn’s support group.  I was totally blown away with the stories of how these kids and their families have rallied and taken control of their lives, by making dietary and emotional lifestyle changes.  The largest growing group of folks diagnosed with digestive disease’s are children between the ages of 4 and 10 years old, this was unheard of 10 years ago.  Why is this happening you ask?  I have a theory, today’s humans are raised on genetically modified foods – GMO’s, what these GMO’s contain a bacteria that ’causes ulcerations through out the digestive tracks of lab rats, when this bacteria enters a young toddlers intestinal system and is the main source of nutrition guess what?  The tissue is so delicate to start the bacteria eats away at it!   Add to the diet ACID – via tons of wheat, sugar and dairy- oh and drop some fat and guess what? The delicate tissue is attacked by the bodies very own immune system, ’cause our body wants to fight the acid in the blood.  Dang, our babies don’t have a shot in the dark, and if we think they are sick now, just wait…
Next time you hear someone ramble on about how their kids only eat pasta, pizza and mac & cheese or chicken nuggets, say a prayer.

With all this said, I was inspired, inspired to really continue to step it up with my kids and their food – more veggies, less wheat, NO dairy – well occasional, and fight the sugar. Listen, the sugar is tough as NAILS ’cause who doesn’t want to allow a cookie here and there?  Also I KNOW that Bella needs to get in the kitchen with me and participate in this food process, that’s what these kids are doing.  Most kids back in the day helped cook when cooking was cooking.  We’ve got to arm our kids with skills, I see them as being warriors going into the world.  They will KNOW how to heal with food, they will KNOW what food is good for, they will KNOW how to prepare food for themselves and others.  It’s funny this is said to be an alternative way of eating but in truth it’s an ANCESTRAL (thanx Carolyn Ross,MD) way of eating – this is ORIGINAL eating.  My girls will KNOW what I KNOW, my health and well-being is a priority to NO one other than me, with this said – listen up ’cause we are all in the same position.

Saturday morning was a ton of fun too, Lena and I headed over to Lauren Williams groovy casa to put together our new Beauty Section!! I must say I LOVE my job, I love doing what I’m doing, I was reminded of what it means to be successful – happy to get up every morning with something to look forward too! This is success!

Sunday was again another really good day, my friend Marielle invited me to Cheekwood art museum to attend a private lesson and showing of Matilda Geddings Gray Foundation Collection, of Fabergé.

Once again, I was out hunting inspiration and wondering just how it would appear, I was thrilled to attend this event.  I listened to the curator tell the tails of this Geddings Gray woman as I gazed into the glass cases…what I witnessed was time, I loved looking into a window of time, a time of Czars and Princess’s and great collectors.  What I found fascinating were the amethyst and diamond Tulips, of course they would be there symbolizing my process, a dim light shining down upon them.  In another case not far away were Fabrege’s “Lilly of the Valley”, and of course my mothers image swept passed my eyes..never is she far from my dreams and desires.  The curator asked if any one had questions about the symbolics of such plants, and of course I wanted to know the story of the Tulip.

Legend tells of Ferhad, a Persian youth, who fell in love with a young woman. Her name was Shirin and she did not feel the same about him as he did about her. Because of this Ferhad traveled into the desert to die, from a “broken heart.” As he began to feel heartache, he started to cry. His tears are said to have turned into beautiful tulips.

Maybe with all the change entering my life, my tears are the grief for what I release and for sure they are not wasted, appearing as tulips on my table?

I will keep pushing through the soil of what I want to manifest, not losing sight of what I already have.

Click below to listen to “Changes” by David Bowie”

Whenever I notice the wind, it’s because it’s moving me – literally.

Sitting up there high above the old city of Teotihuacan the wind was whipping me like mad, I should have known that big changes were coming my way.  It’s funny how we ask for change, we ask to pass through our centers and clear the tunnel on the other side – what I fail to remember is what this means: what was with me over there can’t stay with me here.  Letting go is how it goes, no matter how many times I’ve gone through big  life changes I never seem to be ready for the cord cutting process.  Immediately following my climb, friendships started shifting and working relationships got creaky.  What I didn’t do with the first big bump in the road was walk away, instead I bit back..look I’m not perfect and sweet fo’sho I ain’t.  Actually, this is really what’s up for me.

My Princess Know It All self, still doesn’t always know when to let go…I do what most of us do, I cling tight or take offense when it’s time to release a friendship or working relationship.  Why is it so hard to just move on and no matter how hard people bite, why do I have to have that irreverent side to me – you know her don’t you? Her name is “HI I’M NOT THE RIB”, she is fo’sho the mouthy side of me, “look out” she says, “I’m coming outta this here corner.” She is the exact opposite of ‘HI I’M JUST SOMETHING TO LOOK AT”, who just grins and says “That’s fine.”

“HI I’M NOT THE RIB” can’t stand “HI I’M JUST SOMETHING TO LOOK AT”,  ’cause she blames her for that sideways smile and Bull doodoo way of holding her tongue for the sake of popularity, after all what’s the deal with teaching folks to be indirect?  Isn’t this dishonest? I understand kindness fo’sho I don’t believe that kindness and sweetness are the same thing, kindness is genuine an sweetness is just like sugar not good fo’nobody!

Oh, this is my battle and I know where she comes from, Oberlin, my grandmother and great grandmother, my mother, Mrs. Oliver, Mrs. Valentine my teachers growing up.  These women all knew that they weren’t the rib, that they didn’t pick that apple from the tree, ’cause there was no ladder in the vicinity, ya’ll know that man was bigger than me…”HI I’M NOT THE RIB” refuses to carry around the burden and the blame for who she be…Now granted she serves great purpose as she is not afraid to stand in the middle of the road to call folks out that have done wrong, she tolerates no social injustice and speaking up is part of her deal…but every once in a while she steps out of line and lets that mouth of hers run when all she needed to do was let things go…snap!  Finding the balance between the two of these characters is a tricky thing to do in time of great change…After all standing up for yourself with clarity is tough.

That’s how things started out upon my return, but I’m a fast study and I only need one sting to pop me back into my groove. I’ve completely stepped out of the way and watching change and shift is super interesting!

On a good note, our new house is a thousand times better, we had two nice days of weather this week and the girls and I flew to our lovely sidewalk to roam the new hood. Gosh, who knew that sidewalks could open a world?  We even have neighbors with two little girls and my kids think it is the best thing ever, as they spent these warm afternoons playing with actual NEIGHBORS – this is huge folks, ’cause in our old house NO children would enter into our yard – now we know that they knew what happened there.  Bella would stand on the edge waving to them to come swing on her grooviest tree swing, she attempted to charm them with her fabulous jungle gym and club house – NOPE, they wouldn’t cross the line.

My dreams have gotten better too in this house, I’m not so on edge, listening for the sounds of my girls, in the old house I would hear a little girl crying – I’d get up 3 times throughout the night and each time my girls would be sound asleep.  The other night I had one of the clearest dreams of all time, there was a medicine woman sitting next to a hut like house, she was doing something over the fire in front of her, as I walked by, she reached for my hand, looked into my palm and said “WOW, your going to have a big spiritual journey!”  She was so excited and I was so disappointed. “I don’t want a spiritual journey, I want a grand adventure and a good time.” She laughed really loud and said “Silly girl, don’t you know they are not separate and never have been for you.” Ughhh..I walked away…here we go I thought, I just want a spa day and a swimming pool with high thread count sheets to rest on, maybe a nice meal and a massage?

Listen to El Mariachi Loco by Mariachi de la Ciudad de México de Pepe Villela

A few days before leaving for Mexico, I started to feel apprehensive about the journey, perhaps because I know what it means to travel with two small children. Also, Teotihuacan is not an actual vacation, it’s more like a place to wake up from, and we all know what it can feel like being woken from a deep sleep….

Sometimes life in the U.S. is like a big dream, everything is easy and all one knows is inside their bubble.  Teotihuacan bursts that bubble, pulling on our authentic places that are screaming to dance. Mariachi music serves as a great alarm clock, after a day of grounding on the moon an evening of getting down was necessary.  Alberto, my husband’s partner here in the Dreaming House, arranged a fantastic 40^th birthday party for one of the women on the journey – Mexico could not let this moment pass without a fiesta.

I stayed up way too late chatting with some of my favorite people. Mary Alice made the journey, as well as a group of our friends who live on the Island of Bermuda, including Sarah White or, as I refer to her, “Lady Gaga”.  This woman is so real and fantastic that I must contain myself and refrain from sitting at her feet. “What makes her rock?” you ask. She has led a twisty, curvy, funny life full of failures and successes and at almost 70 years old, she still rises to the funny and climbs the Pyramids. I also might add that she is still a stunning woman.  My mother told me long ago to align myself with women that could lead by example and Sarah White is one of these women.  I think the ideas of perfecting our lives have changed. In truth, the only perfect women I see are those that are heavily flawed but full of beautiful cracks, so, isn’t this all of us?

After a late night full of female giggles, Monday morning came quickly.  I thought I would stay home and rest until the great knowing whisper brushed my ear and I heard: “Go with them today, again.”  I don’t usually join the journeys with the groups that come, for many reasons but mainly the responsibility of my children and my home. Add on the fact that I’ve been around this kind of work since my early twenties and I’ve learned that the journey resides inside of me and it seldom matters whether I am in Teotihuacan or Nashville.  That being said, Teotihuacan is a powerful place that lends a spanking now and again….

I threw on some clothes and met the group at the Palace of the Jaguars, or Masters, as they were known to be called.  Isabella was there with Lee and I thought I was going to connect with her. As we passed each sacred room we bowed and thanked the Masters. I had explained to Bella that they were like high Llamas and she asked that we speak to them in Hebrew, according to Bella this is the language that Jesus understood.  I guess Bella totally gets that it’s all one and the same – connected.

Once The Masters completed their spiritual paths they moved here to this areaa of Teo to be close to the portals.  The believed that by meditating through a great portal or doorway one could  get to the other side, a “hole or tunnel”.  The other side could have been literally or in my case the other side of my current fears.  With ease and grace, I found myself standing before this portal, dreaming into it, imagining life on the other side, imaging my life on the other side.  Then, as I was leaving, I remembered the hole and the tunnel. I was doing it. I was walking through my core – my core of illness, my own internal human center of my own personal earth, and I had found a way out of that house – an escape from the dark places I had been.

I had a conversation with someone before I left Nashville; I was feeling up tight about leaving and worried about how my body would travel, since Teotihuacan is not a comfy spa resort. It’s a cool and groovy city but the elevation is close to 7,000 feet and normally super, duper dry!  I happen to be a mango, moist and warm water kinda gal, give me humidity and I rock.  Back to the convo with this person: as we spoke she told me not to worry and that I am possibly getting to my core, truly moving through the center of my physical healing. Of course, in Princess Know It All fashion I argued and attempted to close my ears.  Then I called her back, I’d heard her and she was right, I thanked her.  On the way down here I started thinking about being in the core of every aspect of my self and my life, standing in my center and then moving forward.

Joan Borysenko, PhD and cellular biologist was on this trip with Lee and I wanted to connect with her, she is one of my contributing editors and a friend.  Joan KNOWS how diseased cells grow and change according to the emotional perception of the person. I’ve listened to her speak many times before I was sick myself and now her wisdom soars home and rings a bell.  Our first conversation here was more like a statement, when she asked me how I was I responded with tears: “I know I am better but my mind tells me I am still sick. My body IS stronger, but my mind wants to identify illness.” She hugged me and said, “This is the last piece, master it.”

So there I was feeling the thrill of passing through the tunnel when Lee said I have to climb the Pyramid of the Sun. I giggled and said, “No, I’m not down with that.”  Then Bella, my brave little warrior, said, “Come on Momma, you can do it.”  Of course, one of my main goals in parenting is to raise brave, courageous women who believe in themselves.  Not climbing to the top was not an option and this pyramid is tall too!  I’ve climbed it a ton of times and I only had a full on meltdown once, the first time I’d ever climbed it 13 years ago. Like everyone else that arrives at Teo climbing the Pyramid of the Sun ignites the child in us that wants to climb trees & castles.  I saw this giant pyramid as an adult jungle gym, I couldn’t wait for the final day to climb it!

Life sure is funny because half way up, I realized I was afraid of heights; I made it to the top but only by clawing and scratching my way there!  Afterwards, I dug deep to understand this fear and I found that it was a pile of fears that had sat in the back of my inner closet, overflowing the laundry basket!

Over the years I’ve worked to release them and in truth I have moved through more than I thought possible, like I said, since then I’ve climbed that Pyramid many times!  I did not know why I felt so uneasy once again, especially since I’d just seen myself moving forward in the Place of the Masters?

By the second level of steep stairs, I had to sit and try not to look down.  I found myself sweating and uneasy. Lee tried to keep me going but I froze.  After closing my eyes and hearing Bella’s call I grabbed the rope that one uses to make their way to the top and continued climbing. I heard the voice again, “Use the rocks as mirrors and allow them to reflect what is keeping you back.”  As I held one hand on the Pyramid stones and the other on the rope, my eyes began to fill with tears.  I saw myself, lonely, isolated, afraid, pained emotionally and physically. I witnessed my fear and doubt.  I made it to the top of the Sun with only ten feet to go. Instead of continuing, I sat by the wall, closed my eyes and lent some much needed compassion to Mee Tracy.  Lee called me to come even higher but I said that I wanted to sit alone, with just Mee.  Earlier that morning “Lady Gaga” came to share a hint that she’d received earlier that morning: “Hey Kid (in her hip cool lingo), I gotta piece for you. You be sure that you don’t ever go against your self, not in work, friendship or family.  You trust you and you’re going to go all the way.” So there I sat, knowing that I didn’t need to climb to the top because my view was good enough, I was high enough to see Mee.

For someone like me who usually pushes until I collapse, this was an accomplishment. Just like the mouse in my dream, I, too, found the hole guiding me through the dark tunnel that I have spent the last year wandering around in. The light at the end of that tunnel was the Sun.

The Toltecs believed that one can pass through portals into other dimensions and that ascension is possible. I don’t know if they really flew into the stars but I do KNOW that we ascend and move through our centers, becoming more of us and less of fear.

Below is a picture of the Pyramid of the Sun, if you look at it you will see that there is a body with legs & arms, a head all ascending, so that’s why we all go to Teo – to move one more step closer to ourselves.

Thanks Michelle Larson for this photo & the others.

What a trip getting here, we left our house at 4:30 am and arrived in Mexico City around 2:30 pm.

Our house in Teotihuacan is about 35 miles from the city and usually takes about an hour in traffic to arrive.  Thursday was a different story, Mexico City was hit by one of the worst rain storms in a super long time, leaving the city drenched in flood waters, specifically the area surrounding the airport. People were standing on top of their cars as our van/bus crept along the side streets, I must tell you that water was seriously dirty – WOW and the smell was through the roof!  I’m talking used maxi-pad left locked up in a car on hot August day…Uhnnnn.

Senora Gina was waiting for me as I came out of customs, she had taken the bus to Guadalajara and then flown into Mexico City earlier that morning.  I cannot express to you all what I felt as she embraced me – home.  If you’ve not followed this blog for long you won’t know who she is to me and the girls so I will give you a recap: Senora Gina is one of the most noble women I have ever met, she lives in Sayulita and now I KNOW she was truly one of the main reasons I moved there, to find her.

She is my friend, my family, my sister and my partner, I adore her and miss her more than I can express. I have not seen her since last June and the past eight months have been wild and twisty. I’m not certain if you all have relationships like this, but if you do, then you’ll understand the unconditional love and respect that ties us together, this tie or line that we hold for each other lends for great humor to be swapped between us!  The long bus ride through the floods flew by, as we sat and giggled like school girls – so thrilled to play once again.

The first night in our casa, known as the Dreaming House (we have a small two bedroom house that shares the land of our small boutique hotel and restaurant, all is wrapped within very tall walls forming a compound).  This compound rests upon ancient ruins and sits along the original Avenue Of The Dead, leading me to always have intense dreams here, from the moment I rest my eyes the dreaming begins and the download is on.

My first night of sleep I found myself in our old house (the one we just left) there was a small mouse running around and if you know me, I’m totally creeped out by mice – they seriously bug me.  I watched the mouse run back and forth, searching for the “hole” finally I said: “OK I’m getting off of this bed and catching that little guy and removing him from this house. “As I reached down for him, he turned into a white dog. This dog growled at me and I backed away…I woke up.

Friday I spent the day organizing my house and setting up my kitchen, I brought tons of food to cook so all I needed to do was buy veggies.  Senora Gina and I hit the market place and packed the cart with serious greens, that night my dreams returned, I was inside the old house, it was snowing inside of the house and there was a hole – this time the hole was in the center of the bed. The hole had a tunnel connected to it, when I peeked into the tunnel I saw another world, one that exists through the veil – or the other side.  There were many people busy trying to get through the tunnel, they didn’t seem to notice me, the world they lived in was swirling, chaotic and cold, I knew I had to burn the hole so that they no longer could pass through. Just as I realized my responsibility…I woke up.

Saturday the sun was shining and the word was Mexico City had dried out, Adriana-  a friend of Senora Gina’s had arrived late the night before from Mexico City.   Senora Gina had been telling me for months that I needed to meet with her – that she would be a good friend for me, a match in business, spirit, identity and bravery.  Senora Gina was really excited to return to San Angel and revisit her childhood home (which is now a store Toca Madera) and stroll the artist bazar.

For the record, I announced- “I think it will be a bad idea traffic wise”- but I wanted to get to know Adriana and I couldn’t bare to be apart from Senora Gina (as our time together is so valuable to me).  We made it to San Angel no problem and enjoyed a WONDERFUL lunch, then a walk through the many painters that appear every Saturday to peddle their fantastic paintings.  This is where Senora Gina purchased the most wonderful painting of three women and the three suitors that pursued them.  We all agreed that it was us and the women we have been and the women we have become, I love the fact that the painter sees his wife in every woman he paints and I too see myself in every woman that exists.

Knowing that we needed to return to the Dreaming House before dark, we left the city at 3pm only to sit in traffic for 5 hours! Can you imagine 35 miles in 5 hours? I must tell you all, it was the best 5 hours, I truly enjoyed every minute of it – OK well not the “I gotta pee really bad and the only option is a nasty Mexico City gas station bathroom that had been trampled by the other 3 million stranded motorists!”.

The best news is that I’ve made a new friend, Adriana. She is all that Senora Gina said she would be, successful and ego-less, brave and funny!

Last night I dreamed again of the old house, this time I was looking for the hole, I was trying to leave…this morning we headed to the Pyramid of the Moon – Senora Gina and I.  We climbed the many steps, I felt like I shot up to the top within seconds.  As we sat high above the old city I heard the voice of wisdom that lives within me – “This is your aerial point of view, this is where you must live from, above the reactive nature of humanness.  See the entire Avenue that you are walking.”  I can dig this, ’cause sometimes I get so caught up in the exact moment that I fail to see the opportunities that sprawl before me.

We joined Lee and the group that he is leading this week through the ruins, I was surprised to see the white dog from my dream. She was so sweet and had been following the group around. Some say that dogs are spirit power animals – meaning not really animals at all.

Lee finished with his group and led Adriana, Senora Gina and myself to “The Place of the Elders.”  I have had a hard time with grounding myself for over the past year, you see the house that we had lived in was 3 stories, once I found out what happened in the basement of the house I began to live only in the top two floors.  Every time I would try to ground myself I’d begin the process of finding my mental way to the earth but that would mean going through the basement….I could NOT do this.  In an even less metaphysical way, I found myself hiding in my bedroom!

Today as I walked into the place of the Elders, I knew what I needed to do.  Adriana, Senora Gina and all went to the center alter and lay down on our tummy’s, closing our eyes and imagining that a cord was coming from our womb’s, digging deep through the earth, passing through all that she is.  Once our cords were connected the dreaming began…There were woman swaying pepper tree  branches all over, cleaning our bodies and whispering into our ears.  As my mind would ask questions the answers would come and I fell deeper into the stone alter, drifting away swaddled by the warm sun.

Tonight we are preparing for a full on fiesta, Mariachis and all…tomorrow will bring yet another discovery but only after a clear night of dreaming.

I have moved 8 times in 8 years.

Le’ mee give you the breakdown: When I met Lee, I lived in a SWEET apartment in an old Hollywood style pad while Lee lived on the ranch here in Nashville. However, I knew I couldn’t give up my spot in LA, ’cause fo’ real Nashville felt like the end of the road. So, Lee and I hooked my pad up so that it worked for both of us and the “back and forth” began. I flew at least 21 times during the course of my first pregnancy!

After a year in that apartment, Lee started a business in Malibu. We packed up the apartment, headed up the California coast and settled into a really groovy Malibu Canyon Casa I named the “Shack”. But let mee tell you, we macked this Shack up! I called in Beverly Hills contractors and turned the bungalow-built out trailor-esque construction into a spot to remember. The real deal was the land surrounding the “Shack”: 40 acres of mountains and beach. Once the “Shack” was rocking, we moved outside and turned an old terraced garden into a veggie wonderland. Within weeks, we added a chicken coop and a few donkeys. The icing on this surf-shack lifestyle was the geodesic dome where I learned to paint, dream and keep the keyboard tapping. I rolled a Honda Element and spent most of my days with Bella, watching Lee surf at “First Point.”

Once again, a move was in the works and the Witness (if you haven’t been following the blog, the Witness is my dear friend who has always shown up to witness my growth) helped me load the “Shack’s” belongings onto yet another moving truck. Just as she guided me from our Hollywood apartment, she showed up to help me again, because Lee was out of town both times. The Next move was even higher up- up the mountain that is.

Once Lee’s part of the business was sold, up on a mountaintop is where we went. We went so high up that in the morning the clouds would settle around us like a sea, leaving us on our own private island. Of course, this house had its tricks. It was OFF the grid; it literally had NO electricity and solely ran on solar panels and a propane generator. We had our own well from which our water flowed but without ease, especially in the summer. This was a bit of a problem because by this time I’d added Matilda, an angry goat with great horns, 4 condom-less rabbits who soon grew to 40, and 2 teepees large enough to house a small family. A small family also lived on our land, Leno and Yadi, a great couple who helped us run this mountain top ranch. Stoking the wood-burning stove during cold winter mountain nights was tough and rainy, cloudy days meant that power was to be cherished. Hot days weren’t much better. The propane generator wasn’t very reliable so it was tricky to keep ice cream from melting.  Using air conditioning was just plain wasteful when one is counting every ounce of electricity.

However, the real kicker might have been the sound of rattlesnakes. On warm days I could lay in bed and listen to them rattle. In fact, when I got super spooked, I called “Boe, The Snake Man.” He came to the “Shack” to give me snake protection tips and, after hearing so much rattling, I knew it was time for him to come back. I wasn’t prepared for the fear in his eyes upon arrival. When I asked him if everything was cool, he said, “No maam, I’m nervous. The last time I was up here, I climbed under the house and found a packed den with momma and about 20 babies!

This house is the worst one in all of Malibu!” “Of course it is,” I said.

One night, I came home late with Bella. As I took her out of her car seat, I heard a loud shaking sound so close to my ear that I knew I was about to step on it. I threw her back in the seat and fled down the mountain, always finding safety at Ted and Peggy’s. But all these snakes and powerless days weren’t the deal breaker- it was the fires.

Our house was 30 minutes up the mountain- the hub of Malibu was at least a half hour away. Lee was out of town and forest fires were around the bend. I was pregnant with Lola and had to find some way to get my small zoo safe. We survived and my sister came to my rescue. First, the Witness rolled in, always prepping my every move. Then, my sister brought her own personal organizing army. We moved down the hill and as close to Santa Monica as the Malibu limit goes… Oh, and Lee was in Peru for this move.

Around the same time, Lee and I moved out of our house at the ranch and converted it into an Eating Disorder Treatment Center. The house almost seemed built for it- it had a huge dining room and restaurant-style kitchen. We decided this was the best way to use the space, since we were staying in Malibu most of the time and usually left the large and lovely home empty. The best solution was to down size and take up part-time residency in a 3 bedroom double-wide that I had pimped out.

We figured we would use this little house the few times we came back each year until we decided where to build our new ranch house. Once again, Lee was out of town and I was left to oversee the move. None of the cowboys could figure out why I was so happy to move into a trailer after living in one of the nicest houses in the county? I was actually thrilled ’cause this tiny trailer was our first home on the ranch that didn’t have Lee’s history attached to it.

So, I was responsible for overseeing the deal ’cause Lee was out of town… Are you seeing a pattern here?

A couple years later, Lee entered into a deal in Sausalito, California (San Francisco area) and we set up a home in a fabulous apartment overlooking the bay. I was torn with San Fran ’cause I loved my life in Malibu. I didn’t want to choose, and to be honest I didn’t really give the Sausalito pad a fair shot. However, I did enjoy the ferry rides across the bay, combing the wharf and the farmers market for goodies.

Lee’s part in the Sausalito project ended and once again, we packed up and loaded up. Our house in Malibu was still intact, but we decided we needed to make a change. We wanted an adventure, so all of a sudden, Mexico jumped into the picture. I packed and loaded a storage unit and said goodbye to Malibu. This time, Lee was in town!!!

We moved (Lee was here fully participating) this past week and wow what a quick and fast event that was. Unloading a giant house and putting every single item in it’s new spot all got done in less than 48 hours! Now I’m here in my new house, a house that sits in a neighborhood here in Nashville that actually has sidewalks! I’m reflecting and seeing clearly what’s gone down, I’m also owning my own part in the deal. When we left the Jungle last year, I could barely see in front of myself. I was so wrapped up in the fear of my illness and thoughts of my own mortality that now I understand why we ended up there. We are drawn to both places and people alike that reflect who we are internally.
Last year, I was living in an internal dark place as a victim of sadness and fear. I wrote about the whispering walls of the house and then I left you all hanging and I’m sorry for this. I’ve been trying to process everything and find a way to share it in a positive light. I knew I needed to leave the house before I could discuss it any further. Finding out the history of the space we lived in confirmed my nightmares prompting a quick move and change of scenery…

I’m going to Mexico on Thursday and for sure I will sit and write. Stay tuned, as Mexico opens my heart and my fingers are guided by her wisdom I shall unravel in her arms. I’m going home………

Yesterday was the big day, the get down & dirty…literally.

I spent the day filling boxes, thank goodness Jane Ellen (one of the cowgirls from our ranch, well I guess technically she is a “goat girl” as she tends to our hundreds of goat that we raise).  She gets down when she packs, seriously she has rhythm for it!  I didn’t know she was coming, I thought Rusty our ranch foreman was making the box drop.  Last year when we arrived I had the sense to save all the boxes, knowing that we weren’t going to stay too long in one spot. The cowboys loaded a pickup truck and took the boxes back to the ranch.  Where they stored them was unknown to me, that was until this weekend when Lee opened a stall and revealed the hot mess of card board awaiting attention!  That’s right folks, our boxes were sitting in hay and smelling pretty!

Of course Lee thought it not a problem, in his rough cowboy talk “Don’t be a Princess, we’ll dust ‘em off and they’ll be fine.”  I crinkled my nose and thought Oh, mang (Tony Montana inflection) : “Well I’ll be sure to put your stuff in ‘em.”

The good news was that when Jane Ellen showed up with ‘em they were really cleaned up, minus the few worms, what kind I have NO clue, only Alma mumbled something in Spanish regarding the possibility of them falling into my coffee and killing me.

Once again Jane Ellen came to my rescue, bending over and scooping them up with her fingers, I shrieked like a chicken, Jane Ellen just calmly kept to the task and in her warm Tennessee accent said “If that’s the worst thing I pick up today I’m siked.” Then my mind flashed to watching one of the cowboys stuff the “Bulls Meat Wallet” back into a momma cow who had just bore a new calf, I think it scared me as I was pregnant with my first baby and the fear of what would happen if I went into labor way out there on the ranch!

Anyways, back to the move, Brooke (a gal pal and friend of Lee’s) wasn’t really into the remnants of mice poo either, but we made it through the trauma, I’m thinking it might-could do me good to spend the day with Jane Ellen out on the ranch, buckin’ up and gettin’ tougher with the outdoor world….Hmmmm?

I know that moving is traumatic as I have done it so many times since I met Lee, we’ve set up more house’s than I grew up in.  We lived like gypsies for years, splitting our time between 4 different places all at the same time.  I decided it was better for us to travel and stay together than apart when the girls were babies, plus it was way easier having a home than a hotel room.

Yesterday I was smacked by time, what the last year has been about and who I was just a year ago upon moving into this big ‘ole house.. The emotion that came as I cleared each room was huge.

A year ago I thought I was going to die – seriously – die, I thought there was no turning back.  When I arrived in Nashville I had been told I had a 50 percent chance of intestinal cancer.  A year later I’m leaving this house – knowing that I’m going to live.

I know you all are jonesin’ for Part 2 about my house, but I gotta keep this blog real and how to do that is to share where and what I’ve been up to this week.

Right now, I’m flying over the Rocky Mountains and listening to Ice Cube’s Death Certificate…No Vaseline.  Not sure if you are all down with this CD or Ice Cube (before he was a big movie making dude). But back in the day, he was a real rapper with beats that I used to love to bump – loud. The real hook for me is his irreverence, you see Ice Cube says what he wants to say, there is a freedom to this, so incorrect in a social way – totally un-princess-like and rough and edgy.

I dig this, because fo’sho there is a part of me that is the truth-teller, always has been ALWAYS will be.  I’ve got a big old mouth and when I see things, I gotta call it.  I used to think that coming from “The Other Side of The Track” was a bad thing, however now I KNOW the tough side is the RIGHT side. Hunger, humility and loss all fed my dreams and when you have NOTHING your desire is greater than your fear. In fact the only part of my life that made it the “wrong” side was that we didn’t have material items, now I KNOW that even thinking this way is an insult to my family. They gave us so much love and taught us value. How is that the bad side?  I listen to rap like Ice Cube when I need to be reminded to say what I feel, express and remain in my raw, authentic place.  This is where my inspiration comes from.

I first moved to Los Angeles when I was in my early 20’s, I had one duffel bag of belongings and $900 bucks.  I handed all the cash over to my BFF Gretchen and we rented an apartment on Venice Beach, not a stitch of furniture or a car to make my way around the city.  What I did have was $5 bucks left over to buy myself a proper journal, up until then I’d only scribbled my thoughts in notebooks and scraps of paper.
I climbed the rickety steps of our new building and found an old broke down lawn chair to sit in, looking out over the sea I wrote “I’ve Made It”, and I had.  You see I’d done something big, I’d chosen to live life and not from a frightened point of view – I’d taken the NOT safe route, the world was mine to create a life in. Life in Los Angeles was like being inside the lens, everywhere I turned, I was struck by images that had been placed in my mind via television – the landscape was my favorite: mountains and the beach.

WE DIE, LIFE IS IMPERMANENT.

Sitting up on that roof, I was reminded of what I’d learned, life IS impermanent and meant to be lived, therefore I was determined to give it a shot and see where it took me. Granted,  lots of those places weren’t always so glamorous, but never were they wrong and always they were “Good Enough”, that’s my thing: our lives are good enough when we see them as being so.

Flying into LA I was reminded of the girl that I had been on Venice beach and the movie played in my mind everywhere I turned.  I immediately jumped in a cab and found myself delivered into the arms of my best friend Fab Gab.  I love how folks live in LA, in their own movies. Los Angeles is scenic, hip, progressive, forward moving, creative, crowded and alive.  LA is flawed to the bone and totally perfect, maybe that’s why I adore it.  LA took me in and never asked me who I was or what my parents did! Los Angeles whispered in my ear “You Can Do It”, if it’s meant to happen, it CAN happen here.  Guess what? It did happen for me there, I grew into MEE, I discovered my spiritual relationship with life, I acquired languages, friendships and met my husband.  I learned tough lessons too – I made life long friendships and lost people I adored due to my own self judgments that flew out at them.

The best Los Angeles ever gave me was that I could try things I had NO clue how to do.  This is really how I became a writer, after working as a commercial actress and not really digging it as much as one might think, I asked my agent at the time if I could give writing a try.  He was cool and said “sure”.  I then called my dearest friend Denise Roberts. You see, Denise has a foundation fighting breast Cancer and she herself is a survivor – Cancer has also touched just about everyone in her immediate family – Denise’s foundation is the real deal – she is helping folks in the minority community to get well, no matter what the situation.  She goes into folks’ houses when they are sick and makes sure there is food for their kids, shoes on their feet and laundry tended too. This pulls my heart ’cause when I was a kid, we were left alone often as my mother spent weeks at a time in the hospital, my sister was left in charge at 9 years old, we were hungry, lights cut off leaving us cold in the dark.  We would have LOVED Denise’s foundation to come through and help us.

Well for my first project I knew what I had to do, I’d just finished a long run of womens’ workshops and trips to the Pyramids in Mexico, where for the first time ever, I really looked at myself and my life. Granted, I was physically healthy, but I’d seen a direct relationship with ill health and our emotional selves. I called Denise and ran the plan by her, I was going to write a play about my journey to the desert, since the majority of the women Denise helped couldn’t come to an actual woman’s journey in the Santa Fe Desert or fly to the Mexican Pyramids, I was gonna take ‘em via my writing.
Denise, loving my enthusiasm said “Right on little momma, I only have two questions fo’ya  1.) Do you know how to write a play?  2.) How are you going to pay for the production?”

This was the moment I will NEVER forget “No I don’t know how to write it but I’m fixin’ to learn and I might as well learn how to produce while I’m at it.”

Guess what? I learned how to write a play and the money was a gift ” I organized a fundraiser, brought folks together and then went to the bank where I opened a business account that was used to produce my play.  We sold tickets for $50 bucks a person and $100 dollars if you wanted an “Angel” seat – we SOLD OUT!  This play was meant to run for one night and stayed up for 6 weeks, Princess Know It All was born.

This weekend I returned to LA once again to go through the writer process of pitches and meetings, this is a VERY exciting process.  Don’t get me wrong, it can be totally nervy, but now I know my level of capability and I’ve ALREADY got a platform where I can express – so there is NOTHING for me to loose.  With this said, the meetings were AMAZING, I had to totally control my “inner Chihuahua” from not totally spazzin’ out and pissing on the rug!

I controlled my tiny bladder but some dog let his stool splatter and just as I walked into my final meeting, I felt that oh too familiar squishy feeling underfoot….Back to Ice Cube and my version of irreverence, I gotta remember to be truthful to my vision, what I want to convey & share without fear of rejection, gotta be “True to the game.”  This weekend I hooked back up with Denise Roberts and once again confirmed my connection to her foundation and just maybe this time around we will bring some noise to her projects.

I’d heard a LONG time ago that LUCK is when preparation meets opportunity. Well, a few months ago, I went to LA for direction, got it – headed home and returned this time with my homework – I got an A! Now I’m heading back to the lab with a new list of work…what I now KNOW is that when I don’t know how to do something, I step to the table and figure it out.

This week I said Yes!

Today is the anniversary of my mothers death and she would for sure be so proud that I have said yes, all she wanted was for all of us to be people that said yes to life and then showed up to make it happen.
My sister rolled into to town last week to drop her love on my house and tend to my girls, her nieces.  You see, this is how we see it, these are “our” kids and we each have a role to play with a different direction to lend to their childhoods. Thanks Nicole for showing up so I could once again give it my best.

The plane is landing soon and once I hit the ground, I’m fixn’ to take off running between work and moving to our new house, this winter is gettin’ ready to heat up!

Peep it all…A new Blog, PKIA VIDEO, A Fresh STYLE GUIDE, DEAR PKIA with Malibu-Yoga-Momma Michelle & A Podcast to Inspire you!

This is gonna seems nuts and I’ve struggled to take it out and even as I sit here in my kitchen wondering whether to write about it all or not, the writer in me has got to express!  Maybe if I take it out I’ll be able to read it with a readers eye and get some clarity on the craziness, after all everything we do and say is really for us first…Art is truly for its creator first.

Now that 2009 has come to an end and 2010 has begun, I’m full of reflection, I usually burn a candle for what I want to release using the flame as a metaphoric fire to move forward with my dreams.  Recapitulating this past year was a lot to digest and some of it I’m still chewing.

When we arrived last winter our plans were to stay in Nashville for only a few weeks, long enough to get my health sorted out and then head on home to the Jungle. Well you all know the saying “tell God your plans and for sure they’ll change”.  By January it was clear we were not going to return, I set out to find us a proper house in town – life way out on the Ranch was far too isolating for us, not to mention that the girls really needed to attend a good school.

Lee and I drove around looking to buy a house, however with the market collapsing the way that it was and our indecision we opted to lease.  One day we drove by this big old prestigious looking, mansion-like house, there was a private owner “FOR RENT”  sign, so we pulled in and looked around.  Looking back I felt the cold of the casa right away, but my health was so weak I could barely see my own feet in front of me.  We walked through the house and no my heart didn’t jump with joy, but my desire to put down roots was great.  The next two weeks were spent deliberating. I felt so unsure, but I was torn with myself not knowing if my intuition was talking to me or my fear of being trapped in Nashville…finally a decision was made, the owner was so accommodating and patient we knew we needed to make it happen and signed the lease.

One afternoon I drove into town to meet the cable guy, Lola and I sat on the floor in the dining room cuddled next to the furnace, alone.  Our furniture was not going to arrive for a few more days and so the house sat empty awaiting the McCormick Legacy to fill its 17 rooms!  I should have listened to Lola as she whispered into my ear “Momma there are too many people here, I don’t like it.”  I giggled and said yes, this is an old house in an old city and I’m sure lots of people have lived here.

This is how it all began, Lola was not the only one to comment regarding the strange noises and bizarre going ons here.  What really troubled me were the awful dreams I dreamed, always the same theme – unsafe in the house.  I must have dreamed of people breaking in the house a few times a week, the irony now is that in the dream they were always already in the house.  These dreams bothered me so much that I’d spend half my nights walking the halls checking on the girls, then I started hearing doors opening in the middle of the night.  On one occasion my nephew Tylor was here with me – I ran to his room and made him get out of bed and check all the doors and windows.  Nothing, but I CLEARLY heard a door open.

The dreams continued to occur always the same theme, I’d awake in the night convinced that we were not safe in the house.  I’d google crime in Nashville and anything that could give me a hint to the history of the house, I even went as far as buying a book on the history of Nashville and the different areas of town.  I started asking people about crime in the area and I was told that yes robberies were common but that this was the BEST part of the city and we were safe.

A personal fact about me: I have lived in some of the most dangerous cities in the world, I have taken subways and buses by myself at all hours of the night.  I’ve traveled around the globe alone and my children have faced gun carrying Mexican military men as they have searched our car on a regular basis every morning while driving my girls to school.  I also lived in Mexico with my girls alone while my husband traveled – knowing that Mexico has the highest rate of kidnapping in the world.  I NEVER dreamed these types of dreams, NEVER.

I drove Lee nuts!!!

Finally he spoke to this women who trains police German Shephards. She had one who was ready to go to a family ’cause he was good at every thing but sniffing pot out, but then I talked to my hair dresser and he said that they shed way too much..so if you know me I’m way to clean and orderly for that. The only thing I didn’t do was google my actual address…..

The next step was calling in a security service to put in an alarm system, a young guy came out and did the walk through of the house.  When we got to the back corner of the basement we entered a little room that really is not much of a room – it used to be a room. Like I said the house is huge and has tons of little rooms, this one is the only part of the house that was not remodeled.  I’d never really explored back there due to the creepy factor, but this time I looked around and noticed things I’d not before – like writing on the walls and old notes from long ago.

The young guy got really uptight, when we went upstairs to sign the paper work he realized that he needed some info that I didn’t have on the house so he’d have to return the following day.  As he left the house he said “Mam I don’t mean to be rude with you but this here house is the creepiest that I’ve ever been in and I enter 50 houses a day sometimes. If I were you I’d be careful.”  I giggled and said yeah it’s different and for sure haunted but it’s harmless, I bet it’s just Halloween that’s got you thinking that.”  In a very sweet southern way he looked at me and said “I apologize but I’m not gonna be the one to return tomorrow, I’m gonna request someone else to take over.”

I shook it off and thought oh, well…but after being down in that room I started seeing things differently and the dreams increased.

The house is tricky  ’cause of the layout of it,  like I said there are at least 17 rooms in this house, if you include all the spaces.  At least 8 of these rooms we barely use unless we are entertaining or having house guests.  The house is about 100 years old, I’m not certain how long ago exactly they did a remodel on this house and added a HUGE addition.  Cosmetically they kept the new part in style with the old and really did a fine job, however energetically it feels like two different houses, when folks stay with us it’s like they are in another building completely.

Filling the house was not a problem for us, we shipped all of our belongings from California and that meant combing two houses worth of stuff.  Before moving to Mexico we split our time between our main house in Malibu and an apartment in Sausolito (San Francisco); all that furniture found one eclectic house to fill.

An interesting Tit-bit is that I KNEW that our statue of The Holy Mother Mary HAD to come inside the house and live within our walls.  In fact I was quite stubborn regarding this; she had always stood outside of our homes, as a result her painted cast iron skin had rusted and peeled.  Lee agreed and found a guy to sand blast here and repaint. It took 4 men to move her and the day she came into our house we all felt this wonderful sense of peace.  After all, for over two hundred years she had rested in a church and listened to the secrets of the people, I for sure had many of my own to whisper, what I didn’t know was…so did the walls of this house.

Peep it ya’ll…a Christmas Blog and the footage from Fox Morning news is up on PKIA Videos! You can also check the video out on the PKIA You Tube channel.

It’s early Sunday morning and my house is still resting.  I’m here doing what I love to do – sip on a little bit of Turkish coffee and scan emails and facebook.  The past week has flown by with the speed of every Xmas week, my sister flew in on Tuesday early morning and we instantly went into work-and-move-fast-mode.  We were raised to help in the house, to work hard and to complete our tasks.  So once we set out to accomplish something look out cause we ain’t gonna sit until it’s done!

When Nicole had her son Tylor I was still really young and just a kid, however I’d fly home and take over; doing her laundry, keeping the dishes up, playing with Tylor and cooking as much as I could.  I knew she needed a sister – someone to pick up the emotional slack that being a parent/mother carries.  When Tylor was old enough -9 years old he began to spend weeks on end with me wherever I was.  We’d learned from my mothers brothers and sisters how to tend to family and how to be generous not just with money but with our time and love.

Nicole and Tylor were here for Thanksgiving this year; they flew down from Ohio and drove home in a car Lee got for Tylor (nothing fancy – a used Mazda).  As they pulled out of the driveway at the end of that weekend my eyes filled with tears, as I wondered for the millionth time why we’ve lived apart for so long?

This past week has been another one, one really about being sisters and the admiration that we have for each other.  We are way beyond that competitive stage in life, where looking into one another’s life and comparing or judging is part of the reflection, now we just see each other and understand why we tick the way we do.  Nicole shows up for me and hops right in, taking over with the girls, running my house as if it were her own and giving everything she touches a drop of love.

Bella and Lola were so into Xmas this year it was fantastic, they were just amazing, calling Ana (their big sis) & Mary Alice my good friend “hurry up you won’t believe this -Santa has transformed the family room – we will wait for you!”

Christmas this year was all about tradition and we made my Grandmothers sauce – or as Grandma calls it “The Gravy”.  As we worked in the kitchen listening to Frank Sinatra, Pavarotti and Timmy Yuro it was as if you could hear my mothers laughter mixed in with my Grandmothers commands that NO one touch the sauce.  When we were kids we spent half the day sneaking pieces of amazing Italian bread and dipping it in the Gravy.  As we worked and played I thought about our kids and how important it is that they see how we are together, that these smells and sounds are part of their holiday – ’cause passing this warm know-how on has been the greatest gift we were ever given as kids.

Mary Alice, really a sister from another mother, spent the day playing and teaching the kids about their new gifts. By 5 pm the house filled with our people; by 9:30 Nicole and I loaded the dish washer for the last time and sat down for a recap giggle.

Last night we went to see Avatar, DANG it was great.  Moving in so many surprising ways, and it answered a question that I asked myself 2 years ago and am constantly asked “Why did we move to the Mexican Jungle.”  I was never able to clearly answer this until yesterday – “We were seeking a connection to authentic life.”  Our life in the states has lost it’s natural adventure; therefore disconnecting us from life’s source. For example life here in Nashville is so super predictable, my relationship with nature is limited – unless I head out to our ranch and hang with the cows and horses, but how many people here have second homes outside of town?  Another question: Before you sit down to eat your burger do you feel gratitude for the life of the animal that has lent for your consumption? Ding dang ya’llllllllll…..

My seven year old watched with us and said “This is like real humans are, they truly don’t understand that everything is connected.  If the rivers are polluted then the soil is polluted and if the soil is polluted then the animals are polluted and so are the veggies – therefore we are.” She is right, as we destroy the environment we are destroying ourselves – hence the rapidly rising number of sick people in this country and globally.

In Mexico yes, the people have everything we have, but the women still know how to go out in the yard, Forrest, jungle and find a plant that will help their bodies heal in some way, they still grow their foods on small farms, they walk places, their feet touch the soil on a daily basis.  Yes, Mexico is facing a terrible battle with drugs and drug lords however my faith is that they will overcome and not loose themselves and their relationship with life after all, they have a grand connection to the Mother.

I hear little feet stirring upstairs, meaning my alone time is coming to an end.  My sister leaves today, I don’t want to miss a minute with her;  so many things to still whisper to one another.  My mother used to say when we were little girls and fussing at each other  “One day you will be best friends and all you will have is each other.”

Well momma you were right and so here we are…

Listen to “Diamonds are a girl’s best friends” by Marilyn Monroe:

I spent the weekend cleaning out closets and sifting through papers, when I wasn’t doing this I was cuddled up reading a book or watching a movie – I LOVED – Miss Potter- the story about Beatrix Potter..I needed inspiration and a few days away from my writers mind.  I’ve been pushing a project and dang we all know that when you push…you gets NOTHING.

The fact is that Winter Solstice was making it’s way – it is here today and to me the Winter Solstice is about marking the time of the imagination…Happy Son Of My People says it also about finding our inner light and shining it bright.

So, I’ve been trying to set the tone for the next couple of months and go deep inside uncovering all that hides. This reflective behavior has me watching the clock – not the actual one on the wall, but the one that records all the Mee’s I’ve been.  I guess Facebook has a lot to do with this; finding new peeps from old times stirs that pot that says “Wow, really, has it been that long?”  Then the soup of time reveals all the different ingredients that it’s taken to get me here – to Mee.

One of the characters that I have been in the past and have to be mindful of so she doesn’t rear her not-so-cute head is “Prada Is My Life.”  She is all about stuff and using it as band-aids.  You know this girl well, she is covered in fabulous gear and truly believes that if she is perfect and dripping in labels that no one will see how she aches and bleeds on the inside, I mean ’cause she totally believes her own lies and spends every dime to drip in designer digs.  I just knew that if I made it on the outside that the inside would heal, ha,ha…All those labels just made it even harder for me to see Mee.

For sure “Prada Is My Life” done did sprouted from the womb of “Hi I’m Not Enough.”

Christmas time brings “Prada Is My Life” to table for most of us.  I’m still tempted to over shop and buy folks way too much stuff, but now that I’m settling into life with open eyes, I catch myself as I reach for the Gucci & Pucci.  I also peep myself when I’m feeling down and out and the mall calls, I head home and cook something new.

This year is the first year we will all be together; we being Lee, his two grown girls, their kids, husbands and men folks, and my sister and her son.  Lee and I have been together over 8 years and I guess it’s taken this long to make it happen.  I’m really excited, it’s not always been an easy path combing a family especially when you’re the younger wife and going out folks can’t tell at times who’s a daughter and who’s not.  I sort of have fun with it, OK we all do now.  Conventional families are great and good fo’you if you’ve got one.  Maybe in my next life I will be normal too – however I wouldn’t bet on it ’cause this crew is pretty good and creates a mean sauce come party time.

I’m most siked to bring my Momma and my Grandma into the house via the kitchen we are going to make Grandma’s sauce and I’m going to make my version of it ” a tomato free marinara – it’s bangin!  Instead of a tomato you use a beet and ume boshi vinegar – you see the tomato’s are too acidic for me.  Once again I’ve a got something new to learn and ya’ll know – that’s inspiration fo’me.

Most of my life I tried like mad to avoid winter, moving far from it’s gray skies and closed windows; however it’s most poignant that I’m here in this time of healing my body.  I guess I’ve got to embrace all that has built me and create new winter experiences.  Something unique has actually occurred health wise; my memories of the cold were always full of freezing to the bone, I could NEVER handle the cold.  No exaggeration here, it just seemed to get into my spinal cord and gnaw away like a puppy with a piece of raw hide.  Last year when I went to see Happy Son Of My People (Gil Ben Ami) for the first time, I ached with pain and shivered like a wet puppy.  Now that I’m eating seasonally, resting, balancing my sugar and lowering my over all inflammation…my body is handling the cold!!!

I actually enjoy breathing in the crisp air for the first time ever ever ever in my life!!!  On top of this, I just read that when our hormones, inflammation and diets are balanced, our bodies can handle temperature/climates regardless!  This is a sign of good health!!!! Oh, one more thing: my hands are warm all the time – my circulation is pumping to a regular beat, baby!

So as I still struggle with occasional tummy aches and symptoms, I am really understanding that healing your body with foods is a process, one that takes a great bit of time – so, as I said I’ve been watching the clock and what I KNOW is that time is moving regardless, I might as well pass it with healing foods and see where it takes me.

What I want for Xmas is what I’m getting-  my family….I can’t wait to see my sister tomorrow morning!

Dang ya’ll I’m really dancing with Destiny.

I guess we are always dancing with her, just not always aware of it.  I’m fo’sho learning her rhythm, and part of learning new moves is surrendering and allowing someone or something else to guide.  December seems to bring me many changes for an example my momma was in a a car accident Dec. 31, I conceived my first child on the 15th of Dec. and we moved to Nashville last Dec. 13th.

The thing about Destiny is that usually she packs a big old punch and rocks us with what we think things will be like and delivers what they need to be.  When destiny knocks my character “Hi I Don’t Wanna Change” starts clinging and scratching to hang on to what she knows, even if what she knows no longer serves her.

Let me shine some light, when my momma died, I had no idea that something amazing and fantastic would come out of it as a result – you ask what good could have come?  Well, for starters I stepped to the plate and decided to have an adventurous life full of determination to reach my greatest self.  You see I wanted to be all that those folks could have become (remember I lost of a bunch of peeps that winter).

The conception of my first child was actually terrifying.  I had watched my momma struggle with life, marriage and parenting – in truth I wasn’t sure I could do it or that I really wanted to.  I had NO fantasy to live up to, I knew parenting and rearing babies was a big job.  I was really afraid of all the changes that were destined to come my way.  Once again, a slammin’ lesson showed up and I learned, Whenever I have great,huge, gigantic fear of change – it’s because I know somewhere deep inside it’s a path to my greatest self.  “Hi I Don’t Wanna Change” is all about self sabotage and the second I let her hold me back I loose out.

The 3rd time Decembers Destiny snatched me up was 1 year and 2 days ago, we were living large in the Mexican Jungle. I had built a warm cozy world of my own, truly found my peeps, and then I got sick.  I can’t lie to ya’ feeling the way I felt and not being able to get to a hospital at night ’cause the Jungle road to town was too dangerous forced me to take action and pack it up.  What I packed was two suitcases full of long tee’s and the few pairs of pants we had. My plan was that we would come spend 3 weeks here in Nashville  at our ranch, enough time to meet with doctors and get on a medical plan. We rolled into Wal-Mart rockin’ flip flops searching for some type of foot coverage.  Bella’s concern was for the tree’s and what had happened to them? Where did their leaves go?  This all seems like a life time ago as we wrap ourselves in Ugg’s and gloves, the Jungle seems like a dream that I dreamed and now hold in my heart.

As I bitched and moaned about not finding my way, Destiny carved one and I showed up every day.   A world was opening here and according to astrologers Nashville was my place of destiny, meaning I was going to connect to all that I needed to reach my personal potential.  Looking back at the past year I see that this just might be true! OK in fact it has shown it’s self to be true.

You’ve heard me whine about not connecting and making friends, but that’s not true – now I see that I have built a world, one based on poignancy.  Here’s a flash light of what I’m saying: I’ve become friends with a couple school families, two families that I jive with and my kids now have safe, supportive play dates!  I’ve brought some seriously cool people on to support me, from Virginia Harper, Carri Duncan Butts, Alex, Marielle, Lena Bauer, Lauren Williams, Mary Alice and Gil Ben Ami, Alma Fong – everyone of these folks has my back.  So no, there aren’t any bull shit convo’s going on and I’m so not keeping up with the Jones’s.

All these poignant relationships have got me headed in the right direction.  I’m not just doing 10 times better health wise but work has been unbelievable! I built this site and ’cause I don’t wanna jinks what I’m doing behind the scenes, I’m not gonna a share the details of what’s coming next. However keep posted and pieces will begin to reveal..I gots plans folks!

So the year is coming to an end, and we are planning on staying in Nashville a bit longer than we planned.  This is the tough part ’cause right now I’m reading a BANGIN’ book “The Lacuna” by Barbara Kingsolver.  It’s set in Mexico and dang ya’ll it’s pulling me like a rope tied around my heart.  I miss my people, something fierce, I read Senora Gina’s words and my heart crackles with the scent of homesick bacon.  But, I can’t fight that I’m where I’m supposed to be, Nashville is comfy, easy and as you can see – supportive.  So here I go, leaning back and getting out of my own way, I guess it’s like the Tango – I’m a woman and this is the one dance that I don’t drive, just show up and move to the beat.

I suppose when change comes my way I gotta get up and get that dirt off my shoulder so I can see what all the new is trying to do.

Click play to listen to Dirt off your shoulders by Jay-Z