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PART ONE: Two Homes.

November 3, 2011

NBC NASHVILLE MORNNG SHOW

San Antonio is glowing below me. I’m headed home and leaving home simultaneously. That song by The Steve Miller Band fills the background of my memory, “Big old jet airliner, don’t carry me too far away.”   My inner world is full of reflection – storyboard like scenes move through my mind as I recall the events of the past 10 days.

I left Malibu Saturday morning, only after having cooked enough food to fill my families belly for the weekend ahead.  Lee remained home with the girls and Mr. Mom’d it big time.  Of course I felt torn leaving my girls, but what I KNOW is that they NEED time alone with their Daddy, they need to KNOW he is capable, they also need to learn as sisters to take care of each other.  You see I have another character inside of me, her name is “HI I CAN DO IT ALL”, she takes over and runs it, micro manages every detail and works until she is bone exhausted and never says NO, not asking for help, and of course slowly acquiring resentment.  This week was fantastic to witness from afar, Lee jumped in – taking the girls to the park, organizing snacks and lunches, responding to emails from the school and tending to Lola as she caught a bug.  The bottom line is little girls’ need a strong relationship with their daddy’s and mommies need breaks from mommy hood.  With that said I can’t get home fast enough, I have missed all of “Those People” so very much.

It was strange to return to Nashville with out them, Lee had always been the reason that we ever traveled to Nashville – we’d go back to the ranch to spend time and then we’d moved there full time thinking we needed to be closer to our businesses and to support Lee – Funny thing is we moved back for Mee.

Landing in Nashville and driving to Ginza my favorite sushi spot to meet Mary Alice (my person) and Jane Ellen (she is my right hand on the Ranch, my dear friend and confidant) I had an epiphany – I was returning HOME to WORK on a project I created – holy cow, Nashville had become my home and my place of value.  That’s the amazing part of trusting the unknown – if you do trust the most amazing experience can grow from it’s seed – of course this trust takes letting go of control making it super tough on “Hi I Can Do It All”.

After dinner we all went back to M.A.’s house where we had a yummy tea party, dancing around her kitchen to Pistol Annie’s (my favorite new band) and giggling like mad.  We decided we’d not done a proper ceremony surrounding my book.  So in the cool fall air we hiked down to the little creek that runs alongside of M.A.’s property.  Suddenly I was paralyzed with fear, POSSUMS!

I have Possum issues, you’ll have to read my book The Queen Of The Doublewides to get the reason – but this fear runs deep.  Jane Ellen pulled on my hand and M.A. spoke loudly, her Jersey accent booming in through the cool southern night, “There is no Possums down here, besides Possums don’t hurt people.” I whispered back in a haunted voice, “Don’t say their names or they will come!” Jane Ellen tugged on me some more, “Come on little goose, if you were a farm animal you’d be a goose ‘cause you sure do squawk at everything in the barnyard – ALARMING the others.”  Begrudgingly I bent down picked up one of the green monkey balls that had fallen from the tree and headed down to the creeks edge; I’ve never been one to allow my fear to rule my outcome.  “OK, I’ll use the Possum fear as a metaphor for my fear to release my truth into the world, not hiding from  judgment or allowing self doubt to take the wheel of my big old life.” I looked down the creek, beyond the creek and into the next phase of my life tossing my monkey ball, my childhood flashed before me – I was 9 years old and throwing monkey balls around our yard in Clark Court Apartments.  My book is about the first part of my life; it was appropriate I set it sailing into the next with a monkey ball from my past – serious RELEASE.  Jane Ellen and M.A. threw theirs too in support of my accomplishment.  However, once that ball was floating I got to steppin’ out of possum land and ran for the house – SQUAWKIN’ like mad!

M.A. set up an air mattress and I slept in her healing room (she is a true wizard, a body alignment practitioner, aligning people with themselves and their higher selves)  I’ve NEVER met another person with her capabilities.  Getting on her table is like traveling through the closest of ones self that we never seem to have the time to organize so we just avoid them the clutter seems until it creeps into our daily life – throwing off our chi, rhythm and groove.  I knew I was gonna have big dreaming and shawty – did I ever.  In fact I had about 20 dreams but the last one was something.  I dreamed that I’d picked up Lola’s entire kindergarten class; we were at a park outside of a church.  I needed to use the phone inside to call one of the momma’s of the children.  When I went into the church I got lost, I asked the preacher how to get back to the kids, he pointed to a room when I entered it I jumped back and screeched (like a goose) there was a giant rattle snake and he was coming for me.  Suddenly a dog appeared – a little Jack Russell.  He was trying to scare the snake but was clearly not wanting to kill it but the snake was relentless his attention was hooked on me.  The dog would distract him and then the snake would find his way closer to me.  Suddenly I knew what it was that he wanted, my red coat that I was wearing. I quickly took it off, shedding it like skin throwing it at him.  He quickly crawled on top settling into it as if it where his den he’d been looking for.  I looked away from the snake, catching a glimpse of the dog happily wagging his tongue.

When M.A. awoke she made me a great breakfast of MEE food and a fresh carrot beet ginger juice.  We talked about the dream and she told me about the meaning of the snake, transformation – welcoming it is welcoming change.  The dog is loyalty, as dogs are here to serve man in our quest for self and spiritual growth.  As she spoke I remembered the red coat I kept in my closet for at least 10 years.  My momma loved red coats, she’d bought me a red coat my freshman year in college – the last gift she ever gave me, she died wearing her most favorite red coat.  When I went to the car she’d wrecked in to gather her personal items I found her red coat thrown in the passengers seat, the emergency crew that found her had cut it off.  It was covered in blood and glass and I put in a bag and moved it around with me, leaving it in my aunt and uncles closet for at least 10 years.

Throwing the monkey ball had triggered my memory, and I was shedding my own personal red coat – the fear of failure, welcoming success, trusting the unknown and moving into the next. Book one of my life was done, and just that a STORY no longer the present moment, no longer able to haunt me or cause me suffering – only a tale to share.

Sunday I met up with my D.F.F (dear family friend – if you’ve just joined us now she and I grew up together, she’s been healing her body with food from Hodgkin’s B – 8 months later she is 70% better!)  She’d driven down from Ohio to resume our once monthly cooking marathons and to help with the Noble Food Makeover. We headed out to our ranch in Hickman County – an hour west of Nashville.  Our farm house we’ve been rebuilding from the 1,000 Year Flood, is still NOT done – UGHHH…tough managing contractors from California.
So we booked ourselves into Jane Cantrells’ – she has a farm that rubs up next to our ranch that her family has owned since before the Civil War.  She rents out a super cute little guesthouse.  D.F.F and I settled in and got cookin’ – let me tell you we get down, and all this cooking is mixed with laughing; the best adult slumber party ever.

Monday we loaded my Landrover and drove into Nashville early, I was doing a cooking segment on the NBC Morning Show – Apple, ginger, Butternut Squash Soup. (click for recipe)

All went well and then I hit the streets as I had a TON of errands to run, folks to see and people to meet with and Tylor (my nephew a freshman at Lipscomb University) birthday to celebrate.  By the time we made it back to the farm I was totally exhausted and got in the kitchen – yep we cooked some more.

This plane is fixin’ to land so I’ve got to stop don’t worry there is more to come..To be continued later this week.

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Eleanor Coppola & My Double Wide.

October 11, 2011

Point Dume

I spent the last 20 minutes sitting on my couch watching the morning fog roll in off of the pacific, it’s cool dampness creeps through the cracks of my high falutin’ doublewide. My fancy vintage designer swivel chairs almost twist with the thickness and chill.  I love living out here on the edge of Point Dume, we are at the back of the club as they call this place.  I have unobstructed views of the ocean – if I stand just right. 
Native American Indians used Point Dume as a place to send smoke signals to tribes up and down the coast as it sits way out in the ocean – sort of like an attached island.  There is something to this for me, you see the combination of thick fog, giant sky and never ending ocean feels like a blank canvas full of electricity to power my imagination as I too become a better communicator. Whats really fantastic is dreaming way out here on the edge, I sleep deeply with the windows open allowing that chilly fog to rest on top of my down comforter – filling my sleep with fantastic & crazy dreams.  Just the other night I dreamed that Lola and I were breaking into a friends house and stealing sweaters! Lol…We weren’t doing it out of malice but instead with giggly mischievousness. Simultaneously there was a second dream occurring, like a split screen in a theater – I kept seeing this woman working like a mad scientist trying to find the formula for my work.  My dream guide was there (you know the one you can’t see only hear) he kept telling me not to worry “she” was working behind the scenes and would connect the dots.  I’d then jump to the other half of the screen and return to my crazy escapades with Lola.  Then back to the mad scientist, each time reassured that destiny was at work.

I woke up thinking about this dream and there was a peace as I rested quietly in the early hours.  Suddenly my mind grabbed a name Eleanor Coppola – Francis Coppola’s wife.  I crept out of my bed, made some coffee and hit google search – What I learned about her is that she not only kept a home during their life together, but she also connected the dots, making a documentary based on home movies shot while her husband filmed Apocalypse Now.  She also wrote a memoir: Notes On A Life.  I’d never thought about Eleanor until moving here, you see our phone number is one of her old numbers as whenever I call someone her name pops up on the caller id. About an hour later the phone rang and Bubba & Nanny (Ted & Peggy) called to tell me about their night out and the highlight was that they sat next Eleanor Coppola & Francis at a restaurant up in wine country!!!!!!

I quickly told them my dream and how I’d just spent the morning reading about Eleanor – I knew what was happening, she is a mirror for me and I never have to meet her to feel her influence. 
When I was young I thought someone outside of MEE would connect my dots, tie it all together, find the formula and make things happen, agents, managers, writing partners thinking it would take someone else to make what I do good enough – someone else held the key to my value. I relied on assistants, friendships and family, even as I approached marriage I saw my husbands position and life as the one giving us importance. I LOVE getting older ’cause with my age has come my growth and confidence now I see life differently. Instead of seeing the mad scientist as someone else I see her as MEE – I married a man who’s world is was big and TOGETHER we created a huge life, and like Eleanor & Francis we too have moved around the globe like gypsies and I’ve been taking notes, making funny home videos and now put it all down on paper in the Queen Of The DoubleWides.  With each thought and reflection via Eleanor Coppola I saw with clarity that I am indeed the mad scientist in the dream constantly looking for the formula for a happy life, cooking up a recipe to feel better and carving a path for not only my own personal success but the success of my family….

Speaking of family Senora Gina and Don Lalo flew into town from Sayulita, Mexico to spend the weekend with us before flying to Paris and Italy for a few weeks.  The girls had not seen their Mexican Grandparents in more than two years.  The magic of our connection is that all of us picked up where we’d left off – that’s the thing about holding a line, all one has to do is KNOW that a thread of love runs through the heart creating a formula stronger than blood.

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Moving, cleaning, changing, airplanes & cowboys.

September 19, 2011

 

rug scrubbin'

 

I’ve been caught in a hurricane of change, finally the storm has passed and I’m more than ready to share, journal style.

August 30th Packers covered our house in the city (Nashville) like ants on donuts, and we moved into a hotel near to the house.  It was a complicated pack/move as we were dividing the house up into two moves one to the ranch and one to California. Packing up the house I remembered an interesting meeting, last January I was attending a gathering with Lee when I met a beautiful Turkish, Indian palm reader who also happens to be a medical doctor.  Of course I handed my hand over, she told me she saw a BIG book in my hand and that soon I would have to travel a great deal and leave home, but that home – Nashville would serve as my place of grounding.  She told me that I used to worry a ton but that I’d seemed to heal that dis-ease.  I giggled, pulled my palm back and thought about what she’d said.  I assumed she meant I’d have to leave the girls to travel away from Nashville – I had no idea that we would all be leaving and returning here, I’d not seen this giant move in my own palm then.

August 31st  Movers rolled on the scene to load the truck, Rusty our ranch foreman and Marty one of our cowboys loaded a Uhaul trailer attached to Lee’s pickup truck, then Rusty headed west on interstate 40 – destination Malibu, California. Jane Ellen, Justice, Mary Alice & Alma armed with magic erasers combed my house in search of scratches and dust, every time someone would get teary eyed about our departure I’d say, “scrub through it shorty gurl”, handing them a fresh eraser.  Around 2:30 pm  the professional cleaning company that we hired arrived and let me tell you they didn’t do much cleaning but sure did add to the funny banter that goes back and forth between me and my “Nashville people”.  The guy walks in the door (yes guy, two of them to be exact) holding his back and complaining about how he threw it out, he must have been in his late 60′s.  I KNEW we were in trouble when after only being there for 15 minutes he was raiding my fridge and noshing on the movers pizza they’d had for lunch the day before, thankfully his “partner” arrived who did have a little bit more pep in his step.  I think cleaner number one  had the munchies – if you know what I mean, ’cause he was like a stoned old monkey. Our lease had a tough clause in it that there be no marks or scratches on the walls, light bulbs changed and many other particular measures, I understood the reasoning as the house was brand spanking new when we moved in.  At one point I watched these broke down cleaners push dirt around and knew I had to get in the game, I took to scrubbing the rug on my knees – returning a spotless house to the owner.  The movers loaded our truck and Jane Ellen filled the back of her M.T.P (every girls gotta have one; only difference is her M.T.P is a super powerful truck).  Jane Ellen pulled out of my drive heading towards the ranch with all of baubles that we didn’t want to go into storage, I felt sad but so glad that I have her in my life – there is nothing better than capable friends and Ms. Jane Ellen & Ms. Mary Alice are the most!

I collected the girls from my neighbors house as they were saying goodbye and then the three of us walked through what had been our home, stopping in each room thanking the walls for supporting us and wishing the next residents a pleasant experience – I thought it important my girls and I have closure with gratitude.

I sat with Mary Alice in the hotel lobby saying our goodbyes, my mind flashed as I recalled the first month we’d arrived to live full time in Nashville, me sick as could be, scared to death and completely alone – Mary Alice filled a space in my life better than anyone else could have, her direction and guidance has not only served me but my girls too. She became a sister, a friend, an aunt, a god mother and a guide.  That night I fell deep into my pillow with the realization that we would no longer be neighbors.  You see life in Nashville returned me to living from the place of my daily bread – ’cause a little goes a long way and take only what we need.

Sept.2nd – We boarded our plane to Los Angeles, a combination of excitement, hope, fear and sadness.  Our plan was to arrive in Malibu, stop at the market, make the beds with bedding Justice had shipped fedex and rest a night before unloading the Uhaul Trailer that was on it’s way.  We’d rented a furnished house for the year, bringing with us only art and personal items, bikes, surf boards and of course the MTP.

Once we landed in LA Lee’s phone rang, Rusty was waiting in Malibu with our stuff – he’d made it in record time.  We dropped our luggage and began to unpack – this was turning into a marathon of moving that still isn’t done.  You see next month I will return to Nashville for the next Noble Food Makeover and the movers will deliver our belongings from storage and we will move into our farm house – which will represent our “MAIN” house for the next bit of forever. Rusty was full of funny stories, one in particular was his meeting of folks in the grand canyon – he didn’t know what language they were speaking – peep his story below:

Sept. 3rd – 10:10am Rusty knocked on the door and with him his Aunt Betty & his Uncle Walter, both from Tennessee they’d moved here more than 40 years ago.  I’d heard tale of them via Rusty over the years, as he’d come out to Malibu to see them, however we’d never met.  Ms. Betty took a seat on my couch and I didn’t want her to leave.  She’d been the principal of many of the public schools here in Malibu and knew every detail of elementary school life.  I laid my heart on her lap as she shared with me tales of Malibu, I clung to the drawl of her southern tongue – familiar, comforting and trustworthy.  I practically begged her to be my best friend! You see I’ve lived here in Malibu before, but that wasn’t really MEE who lived here, that was a person who still wore masks, had high expectations, believed the LA hype and spent her days driving to and from target, pre-school and cross creek.  The Mee sharing a couch with Ms. Betty has done had herself a makeover, from the INSIDE OUT and she has a focus – I’m here with a plan of action, values in tact, gnawing on my daily bread.

Years ago when we lived here my values were definitely not the same.  I’d moved to LA when I was living life from my characters point of view and “Just Something To Look At, Prada Is My Life, Procrastanita, Hi I Don’t Wanna Look At That and Please Don’t Make Me Connect” was who was running things.  This time I’m here on a mission,one that is led by MEE, my authentic self and that mission is deeply attached to Nashville, my place of destiny according to astrologer Bill Attride.

Sunday Sept. 4th – Again Rusty dropped by for breakfast and then Lee drove him to the airport. As they were heading out, I stood on the front porch of my Malibu Double Wide, bottom lip quivering ’cause the train to Tennessee was pulling out of the station and I was here, literally standing on a platform that I’d created – one I’d dreamed of since I was 18 and my mother died.

Sept. 5th – The Angels arrived. Stories of angels have been passed through societies since per-biblical times.  The Hebrew mythology is that angels are created on a need basis, they come to fulfill tasks and once the tasks are done the angels no longer exisit.  Of course this makes sense when we apply this to our guardian angels they are here for the span of our lifetime and when we are done I suppose they are too.  Mary Alice was hosting 3 angels at her house for a week and sent them our way, all we had to do was 1.) believe so that we could receive them. 2.) make a list of 3 tasks we each needed support with. 3.) pray with them every night.

I’d grown up praying with my grandfather and angels and I thought this a fine time for my girls to join in.  Monday night the girls and I lit a candle, placed an apple alongside of it and opened our front door, spreading our arms as wide as we could, closing our eyes and feeling the presence of gods helpers.  The girls and I slept better than ever.

Sept. 6th – First day of school for my girls, Lola Kindergarten and Ms. Bella 3rd grade. The MTP was loaded down with nerves, as the three of us (myself included) waltzed into another unknown.  On the way there Bella asked, ” Momma are the angels still with us? Yes, for certain they are.”  The first couple days were tense, but the school is super tiny and I’d known a couple of the momma’s from when Bella was 3 years old and attending Ms. Deanne’s preschool.  Lola jumped right in and Bella eased in with hesitancy.  I was thrilled to have met many new momma’s that welcomed us with great kindness and a pie! Yep, each new family was given an apple pie – sweet and homey.

Sept. 7th – First House Guest.  Yep, that’s right not even four days in my DoubleWide and Fonso my BFF from NYC filled the guest room.  For certain I was glad for him to be here, our conversations are always about reaching for our greatest selves and have been since college. This week we sat overlooking the sea, wondering again who we will be. That’s the thing we are both still creating adventures and dreaming up the next, and of course chair dancing in the car – peep below:

Sept. 9th – Lee left for Mexico City and the girls and I fumbled our way around LA and our new life.

Lee’s back and heading out again, he will return to Nashville this week and I will hunt for an office.  I’m missing Nashville but loving the clean crisp air that blows in off of the pacific.  I’ve printed up my manuscripts and sent them off to those that have been awaiting them, I can’t help but get nervous at the thought of sharing my deepest experiences with the world and yet there is a fantastic feeling of accomplishment, knowing that I did my best and completed one of my life goals.

Mexico filled me up, Nashville done raised me up, and LA is fixn’ to build me up…Another Adventure is on!

 

 

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A serious moment of I DON’T KNOW….

August 17, 2011

This past weekend was a whirlwind of activity. Lola turned 5 years old and Tylor, my nephew and my sister’s son moved into the dorms at Lipscomb University.

Lola woke up excited for her birthday and quickly moved into tears, announcing to the room that she didn’t want to get older. I understood as the night before her birthday I too had clung to the lingering toddler smell of her four-year-old self. I’m a momma who believes in keeping my babies, babies as long as possible – childhood is just a flash in the pan during ones lifetime and being cuddled, loved and cared for as long as possible is an intricate fabric in the secure building blocks of our foundation. This by the way has nothing to do with telling my kids that everything they do is perfect – ‘cause I KNOW that’s not true and a definite set up for a spanking delivered by reality when they enter the world and the world says, “shorty, you ain’t perfect and in fact you just messed up.”
Lola’s day was all about her, after expressing her fear of “change”, ‘cause I know getting older has nothing to do with age – but the unknown of “what comes next and what is expected of us in this new phase of our lives.”
MaryAlice rolled through the door at 8am, gift in hand and ready to celebrate Lola, Lee grumbled, “When did birthdays turn into Christmas”, I answered back the day my babies were born. Lola received a dollhouse, a stuffed animal from Tylor & an outfit from my sister – MaryAlice gave her a leapster.
Once we ate a rockin’ breakfast of gluten & dairy free blueberry pancakes we loaded the M.T.P with Tylors college life and delivered him to his freshman dorm at Lipscomb University here in Nashville (only 10 minutes from my house). He was so excited and into setting up his space and I was reminded of my first days at Kent State, my momma had cried all the way there and I was thrilled to be moving into a world that was my own. My Kent State College experience was short lived as my mother was killed during my first Christmas break and the next school I attended the following fall was the University Of Maryland – my first week there was sad, scary, lonely and I wondered HOW I would make it through alone. I felt great honor to help Tylor set up his room, filling his shelves with snacks, folded t-shirts and attend orientation with my sister and him. Tylor KNOWS that the unknown is for certain but that he is supported and we believe in him – there is a huge difference facing the unknown ALONE. What I LOVE about Lipscomb is the feeling of support that the students and the parents are given; Yep, it’s a very Christian school with strict rules, no girls in the male dorms except at certain times, dorm curfew of midnight, no drinking nor drugs – but having experienced life at giant state schools I now KNOW that heading into the world without any boundaries can be down right nuts, people between the ages of 18 and 22 are still young and need structure. I also LOVE that faith is part of the day – being reminded that there is a higher power, that life works things out if we believe in good is a gift to surround a young person with as they struggle with the simple choices of life away from home. The no girls or guys sleeping over is way important, I can’t tell how distracting “playing” house can be during college – this liberal girl done grown up and appreciates a conservative approach. Tylor seems too as well, ‘cause he was super excited to be there thrilled to jump into Freshman Week.

This weekend I saw my momma’s perspective from that day she dropped me off at Kent State so many years ago via my sisters’ experience. I watched my sister let go of her son and collect herself as an independent human. You see having him was yes a struggle as she was a single parent but he also gave her a sense of belonging after the loss of our family. She’s spent the past 18 years focusing on how to keep life afloat and now this boat has set it’s own sail.
After moving Tylor in she returned to our house, climbed into bed and sank deep into the “unknown of the next” and my heart broke as I grasped for the first time that these little people grow up and go off into a world of their own. That night I searched the room of my little girls for a sting of time that I could grab onto.

Bella has been having a tough time with our up and coming move, school is back in session in Nashville and she is feeling here, nor there; a feeling I can relate too and in my past was restless with however now I seize these moments ‘cause I KNOW they are life’s little time outs allowing us some breathing room before a new level of experience is presented. I can’t tell Bella this; I must walk my own talk and show her to trust.
Even when we have a routine, have lived in the same house for 20 years, married to our high school sweet hearts, worked the same job since graduation – life is there in the wing – waiting to deliver CHANGE. Putting up our “dukes”, ducking into ditches, drawing the blinds and dreading the shift only makes the ride bumpier, so I’ve been trying to live my life with my arms opened wide, embracing the moment and saying yes to life’s direction
Princess Know It All – Knows that the unknown is just that UNKNOWN……………

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Part Two..The thread in my palms.

August 16, 2010

PART TWO: OF OUR HOUSE HUNTING JOURNEY.IMG_1450IMG_1451

My favorite part of the house was the back yard with its old stone walls and courtyard, I could so easily see a time when it was covered with tropical flowers and plants.

We left this house and went on to look at 4 more, each with fantastic stories – the one I liked the best was Spanish in style and had been built in the early 1900’s – again time held still, steady enough to be seen as I glanced into each room.

At the final house I got to talking to another real estate agent that had shown us the previous two houses.  She was really more of a historian than anything, she filled my mind with images of each home and it’s time.  I told her what I felt about the first house and she knew much!

She said a Civil War Colonel John Upham built it, he had lived there for only 5 years before dyeing and he’d only married a few years previous to his death.  This historian real estate gal also informed me that two men had taken the house over in the eighties and restored it to it’s beautiful self, leaving two apartments. She said that most of St. Augustine had lived in these apartments at one time or another – before it had been restored a ton of folks filled the hallways as boarders, WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE, as I heard the Colonel say.  Lastly a woman bought the house opening the doors to the apartments attempting to make it all flow, but sadly what that did was open the house to the chaotic energy of way too many transient folks.  I understood that to buy such a house one would have to restore this house completely for it to ever regain it’s congruity – doing anything less would only annoy the Colonel.

All of this casa hunting got me to think about whispering walls and how homes hold on to time.  As we returned to Tara, and were greeted by Memaw and Idora I felt the comfort of the world that has lived for so many generations here in this Magnolia Mansion.  I’ve fallen in love with the view of the St. Johns River as we sit watching the sunsets to the sound of the girls singing and performing for us nightly.  I enjoy the giant Magnolia tree, counting her last few dried up blossoms as the summer shifts from the beginning to the end.

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Memaw (my mother in law) is in good spirits; she is getting up every day, sitting with us and joking.  She feels more relaxed than ever, interesting enough as the last of her good friends have been passing on over to the other side.  Of most recent Dr. Fleming Roach, he was one of her suitors and dear friends just died a few weeks ago.  Memaw is seeing an end of time and via mee and the girls the beginning of the next.  Last night I sat at her feet, she told me she is proud that I am the mother of her last grandchildren and I felt great pride.  My eyes teared a bit, ‘cause I have wished that she could really know me, travel with us and see the world through our eyes.  However what I know is that it is perfect, as she has mirrored to me and opened a window to her time; what a grand gift this has been.  I love that the girls are able to come here and hopefully form memories of their own.
As Memaw is chatty and upbeat Idora is quieter by the minute, she still gets up everyday to sit in the kitchen and watch the bustle of this busy house, but her words are fewer and fewer.

The other night I was sleeping in the Rose Room, named for it’s rose covered canopy bed, rose colored carpeting and beautiful floral stain glassed window.   The dreams in this room are outstanding; climbing into bed is like climbing into a dream traveling ship – filling my rest with epic journeys.   IMG_1150

So, there I was dreaming away that I had spider man thread that pours from my palms on command, my girls had it too. There was a man named Deacon, large, dark haired, handsome and the air of someone who lives in both worlds “good and bad” however his core was noble.  He was watching over Lola and Bella because there were folks – who wanted people who could weave life with their threads.  The interesting thing about this dream was that the time of it all was long ago, and I was totally conscious in my dreaming understanding the concept of the thread, you see for years now I have worn a string around my neck that the Oracle of Tibet placed – this thread was symbolic of me finding my own thread – through writing and health. Our first night in Malibu the thread broke and I lost it.  I knew that it was all perfect because now I have within my own hands the ability to write – and to cook food with these fingers that can heal my body and yours.

I heard in my dream someone calling out a name, a name I couldn’t make clear, and the voice was far off.  I opened my eyes and heard clearly – it was Idora!

I flew out of bed, she’d fallen in the middle of the night, and unable to climb back into bed; she’d been on the floor for some time.

Her blood pressure had dropped, she was scared and sweaty.  Nella (she is the nurse here) was trying to get her up when I entered the room. It took the two of us to lift her and I was in shock, I realized how hard it is for her to move her body every day, how scary it must be for her to fear falling every time she gets up and goes.  You see she still gets up every morning, dresses, heads down stairs (via the elevator) and takes her place in the kitchen.  I understand this struggle as I too have fought to stand up and carry on with my busy day – strapped with pain, threatening to steal my freedom.

I felt time grip my fingers and I wrapped my imaginary thread from my palm around her wrists – I was awake but completely connected to my dream.  She looked deep into my eyes and I saw how close death sits along side of her.  I wiped her forehead with the love that I touch my children, whispering into her ears that I was there and to hold tight – I adore this woman who too has opened another window with a view of time.

Idora told me the next morning that she never really had many friends, that she kept to her self and this family was her life.  I find myself walking by her and kissing her on her cheeks every chance I get, I want to touch her and Memaw with love.  I want to whisper into their ears how valuable they are.

I know that once Memaw and Idora are gone someone will come into this house, remove the doors that have kept time still here and all that whispers in these walls will fly free towards the river.

I’m sure someone like me will show up on occasion and hear the footsteps of AD Davis, Ben McCormick, Lee McCormick, Skipper & his girls, my sister in law Ms. Barbara, Lisa and Ernest and all the others.

The strangest thing is that the large front door is harder and harder to open, in fact as I was leaving I had to use the back door to exit– this old Magnolia Mansion is holding on tight to what was.

For now we have decided that Flow -ida isn’t the place that we want to move to just now, LA is calling and if all that seems to be real out there is – than fo’sho we will head west.  However what I do KNOW about LA is that it can be a city of illusions and what if’s.  I’m comfy in Nashville, I know this little city and have grown to appreciate the lack of chaos and ease that the south holds.

We are heading home to Nashville where Bella will start a new school and I will clean up my messy office and get my ducks in a row – as they say LUCK is when preparation meets opportunity.

I’m gonna do my best to step to the plate and welcome the next level of experience, by pulling on the threads that can be found within my own two hands.

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