San Antonio is glowing below me. I’m headed home and leaving home simultaneously. That song by The Steve Miller Band fills the background of my memory, “Big old jet airliner, don’t carry me too far away.” My inner world is full of reflection – storyboard like scenes move through my mind as I recall the events of the past 10 days.
I left Malibu Saturday morning, only after having cooked enough food to fill my families belly for the weekend ahead. Lee remained home with the girls and Mr. Mom’d it big time. Of course I felt torn leaving my girls, but what I KNOW is that they NEED time alone with their Daddy, they need to KNOW he is capable, they also need to learn as sisters to take care of each other. You see I have another character inside of me, her name is “HI I CAN DO IT ALL”, she takes over and runs it, micro manages every detail and works until she is bone exhausted and never says NO, not asking for help, and of course slowly acquiring resentment. This week was fantastic to witness from afar, Lee jumped in – taking the girls to the park, organizing snacks and lunches, responding to emails from the school and tending to Lola as she caught a bug. The bottom line is little girls’ need a strong relationship with their daddy’s and mommies need breaks from mommy hood. With that said I can’t get home fast enough, I have missed all of “Those People” so very much.
It was strange to return to Nashville with out them, Lee had always been the reason that we ever traveled to Nashville – we’d go back to the ranch to spend time and then we’d moved there full time thinking we needed to be closer to our businesses and to support Lee – Funny thing is we moved back for Mee.
Landing in Nashville and driving to Ginza my favorite sushi spot to meet Mary Alice (my person) and Jane Ellen (she is my right hand on the Ranch, my dear friend and confidant) I had an epiphany – I was returning HOME to WORK on a project I created – holy cow, Nashville had become my home and my place of value. That’s the amazing part of trusting the unknown – if you do trust the most amazing experience can grow from it’s seed – of course this trust takes letting go of control making it super tough on “Hi I Can Do It All”.
After dinner we all went back to M.A.’s house where we had a yummy tea party, dancing around her kitchen to Pistol Annie’s (my favorite new band) and giggling like mad. We decided we’d not done a proper ceremony surrounding my book. So in the cool fall air we hiked down to the little creek that runs alongside of M.A.’s property. Suddenly I was paralyzed with fear, POSSUMS!
I have Possum issues, you’ll have to read my book The Queen Of The Doublewides to get the reason – but this fear runs deep. Jane Ellen pulled on my hand and M.A. spoke loudly, her Jersey accent booming in through the cool southern night, “There is no Possums down here, besides Possums don’t hurt people.” I whispered back in a haunted voice, “Don’t say their names or they will come!” Jane Ellen tugged on me some more, “Come on little goose, if you were a farm animal you’d be a goose ‘cause you sure do squawk at everything in the barnyard – ALARMING the others.” Begrudgingly I bent down picked up one of the green monkey balls that had fallen from the tree and headed down to the creeks edge; I’ve never been one to allow my fear to rule my outcome. “OK, I’ll use the Possum fear as a metaphor for my fear to release my truth into the world, not hiding from judgment or allowing self doubt to take the wheel of my big old life.” I looked down the creek, beyond the creek and into the next phase of my life tossing my monkey ball, my childhood flashed before me – I was 9 years old and throwing monkey balls around our yard in Clark Court Apartments. My book is about the first part of my life; it was appropriate I set it sailing into the next with a monkey ball from my past – serious RELEASE. Jane Ellen and M.A. threw theirs too in support of my accomplishment. However, once that ball was floating I got to steppin’ out of possum land and ran for the house – SQUAWKIN’ like mad!
M.A. set up an air mattress and I slept in her healing room (she is a true wizard, a body alignment practitioner, aligning people with themselves and their higher selves) I’ve NEVER met another person with her capabilities. Getting on her table is like traveling through the closest of ones self that we never seem to have the time to organize so we just avoid them the clutter seems until it creeps into our daily life – throwing off our chi, rhythm and groove. I knew I was gonna have big dreaming and shawty – did I ever. In fact I had about 20 dreams but the last one was something. I dreamed that I’d picked up Lola’s entire kindergarten class; we were at a park outside of a church. I needed to use the phone inside to call one of the momma’s of the children. When I went into the church I got lost, I asked the preacher how to get back to the kids, he pointed to a room when I entered it I jumped back and screeched (like a goose) there was a giant rattle snake and he was coming for me. Suddenly a dog appeared – a little Jack Russell. He was trying to scare the snake but was clearly not wanting to kill it but the snake was relentless his attention was hooked on me. The dog would distract him and then the snake would find his way closer to me. Suddenly I knew what it was that he wanted, my red coat that I was wearing. I quickly took it off, shedding it like skin throwing it at him. He quickly crawled on top settling into it as if it where his den he’d been looking for. I looked away from the snake, catching a glimpse of the dog happily wagging his tongue.
When M.A. awoke she made me a great breakfast of MEE food and a fresh carrot beet ginger juice. We talked about the dream and she told me about the meaning of the snake, transformation – welcoming it is welcoming change. The dog is loyalty, as dogs are here to serve man in our quest for self and spiritual growth. As she spoke I remembered the red coat I kept in my closet for at least 10 years. My momma loved red coats, she’d bought me a red coat my freshman year in college – the last gift she ever gave me, she died wearing her most favorite red coat. When I went to the car she’d wrecked in to gather her personal items I found her red coat thrown in the passengers seat, the emergency crew that found her had cut it off. It was covered in blood and glass and I put in a bag and moved it around with me, leaving it in my aunt and uncles closet for at least 10 years.
Throwing the monkey ball had triggered my memory, and I was shedding my own personal red coat – the fear of failure, welcoming success, trusting the unknown and moving into the next. Book one of my life was done, and just that a STORY no longer the present moment, no longer able to haunt me or cause me suffering – only a tale to share.
Sunday I met up with my D.F.F (dear family friend – if you’ve just joined us now she and I grew up together, she’s been healing her body with food from Hodgkin’s B – 8 months later she is 70% better!) She’d driven down from Ohio to resume our once monthly cooking marathons and to help with the Noble Food Makeover. We headed out to our ranch in Hickman County – an hour west of Nashville. Our farm house we’ve been rebuilding from the 1,000 Year Flood, is still NOT done – UGHHH…tough managing contractors from California.
So we booked ourselves into Jane Cantrells’ – she has a farm that rubs up next to our ranch that her family has owned since before the Civil War. She rents out a super cute little guesthouse. D.F.F and I settled in and got cookin’ – let me tell you we get down, and all this cooking is mixed with laughing; the best adult slumber party ever.
Monday we loaded my Landrover and drove into Nashville early, I was doing a cooking segment on the NBC Morning Show – Apple, ginger, Butternut Squash Soup. (click for recipe)
All went well and then I hit the streets as I had a TON of errands to run, folks to see and people to meet with and Tylor (my nephew a freshman at Lipscomb University) birthday to celebrate. By the time we made it back to the farm I was totally exhausted and got in the kitchen – yep we cooked some more.
This plane is fixin’ to land so I’ve got to stop don’t worry there is more to come..To be continued later this week.