I so need to talk, I awoke at 3:30 am tossing & turning as it totally hit me yesterday that we are leaving Nashville in less than a week. Suddenly I’m afraid. Afraid because I’m finally HERE, I finally feel complete connection and a sense of belonging. The first year of living here full time was so dang tough it’s not funny, I was super sick and terrified that I was going to die. I struggled to connect and find my place and I am AMAZED at what a nest I’ve built.
Yesterday we celebrated Isabella’s birthday, starting in the morning with Mary Alice arriving at 8am to take her and Lola out to Fido’s in Hillsboro Village, returning to open a few presents by 11am and then we held a party a “pop star karoke party” at a place called Diva’s & Dude’s here in Nashville. All of Bella’s friends from her school here came and she was as happy as could be. I too enjoyed myself as I sat with the momma’s from her class that I’d connected with over the past year. Afterwards Lee, his daughters Ana & Alexis – Alexis’s two children, Tylor, Mary Alice, Justice, her little sister Bella’s BFF and MEE all went to eat dinner, celebrating even more. When I climbed into bed I felt this great sense of success – On my 9th birthday all I wanted was to have a full and complete family, a small birthday party & to be loved and I didn’t want my momma to be sick anymore.
Since then I headed into the world and created what it is that I wanted at 9 years old – not knowing then that the sick momma I would be healing would be me. I arrived in Nashville to live full time almost 3 years ago terrified I would walk and wear my momma’s shoes and here I am leaving in my own boots.
Back to 3:30 am, I am awake and an inner battle is raging on, ’cause a huge part of me that wants to dig my heels in deep and stay right where I am, but I hear my momma’s voice pass through my dreams once I’ve fallen back to sleep, “Meme don’t stop dreaming, creating and having adventures, life is quick & when you look back KNOW you showed up & gave it your best shot.” My momma was not able to fulfill her dreams. The one thing I understand about dreams is it is NEVER about the outcome but the journey. I also KNOW most folks stop dreaming & creating adventures when they are past 22. Yep, so I could tell y’all the details of why we are moving to LA but in truth if I did then my mind would get hooked into some expectation and when the opportunity takes it’s own path I’d be clinging to some idea in my mind of what I THOUGHT was gonna happen – BAM disappointment would swallow the dream. So instead we are going west because a giant adventure is calling us and we happen to have the means to follow through. We moved to Mexico with this same intention and what unfolded there was I found a handful of my people, and my person Senora Gina. Here in Nashville what I thought I was coming to do here was take a protocol of drugs and instead I changed the direction of my life and connected on a super deep level to two women Mary Alice & Jane Ellen. So I say to you California BRING it & surprise me ’cause my mind & arms are wide open and my body is strong.
Two days ago I moved out of the Convent. I can’t tell you how special that office has been to me, a place to express, create and just be me. Wouldn’t it be great if all women had a safe little room tucked away where they could go just to be them – not a momma, a wife, girlfriend, cook or maid. I’m blown away by how appropriate The Convent was for me, at the age of 18 after my mommas death I’d almost joined an actual Convent however I knew that it wasn’t my life path, I love that when I needed to feel connected the most, dig in the deepest with my faith a space in a Convent became my refuge. In Mexico I worked in a super sweet spot in the center of the village, filled with beautiful Mexican furniture. I wonder what my next office will be like in California?
The next few days are nuts, I’m not just making one move but two, one truck is going to Malibu and one truck is going out to storage until the end of September when our farm house will be completed and we will move the majority of our belongings to the ranch. Maybe the reason this move feels safer than any before is because we will be leaving our main home here in Nashville, out on our ranch intact. We all KNOW where we belong – HERE. I myself will return every 6 weeks to lead the Noble Food Makeovers and Lee will return every 4 weeks to run the ranches, ILC and the treatment centers. All that’s going on is our commute has gotten bigger.
With this said I will miss my neighbors here in town, I will miss Mary Alice as she shows up for us like nobody knows, I will miss Jane Ellen, I will miss all of the friends and associates that I have made here in this sweet southern city, I will miss the simplicity of our Nashville life, however heading into the big old world of Hollywood with y’all here cheering on our adventure is something I’ve never had before and I will hold a line of loyalty and friendship with you all….
Thanks to all of you that hold the other end of this line, here in Nashville or out there in the big world that via this blog we have formed a relationship.