Weaving my own thread…

August 13, 2010

IMG_1145

We’ve been down here vacationing at Tara for almost a week now, today is our last full day.  Lee has had it in his heart to return to his truly southern roots and warm water.

When I tell y’all that his family is OLD Flow – ida, I’m not exaggerating.  His Great grand father or maybe it was his great great? Anyways he came with his people from South Carolina, they were of Scottish decent.

When the Civil War broke out they got to steppin’, they didn’t want any part of that war and instead decided that digging their way through the unruly and wild – soon to be state of Florida was worth the adventure.  The other side of his Daddy’s family came from Majorca Spain – Flow-ida was settled by the Spanish and the city of St. Augustine was the first town in Flow-ida the year was 1565, long before the English settled Roanoke, VA.

Lee’s distant people came here during this time period. His momma’s people found their way to Flow-ida years on, they were German in descent, originally settling in Alabama.

So you see his people are pioneers of the great state of sunshine, his father followed along in his ancestor’s line of construction and development building most of the roads and structure from some of the major highways to Sea World! Driving around Flow-ida with Lee is walking again in two worlds – one mixed with stories of the past and strip malls of the present.  My mind wanders between these realms seeing what was and wondering why the humans have decided to cover every empty space with character less and style less housing developments and strip malls?

Lee loves to surf, and particularly in warm water.  We’ve had thoughts for the past year to move down here; last fall we investigated southern Flow-ida from Miami up.  On this trip our house hunting took us to St. Augustine, a town of eccentrics and mystical folks as it’s claim for being the most haunted town in the United States draws an interesting crowd of humans.

Lee likes this town for its history; you see it’s not so hard to see time. In St. Augustine.  The streets are cobblestone and many of the homes are well over 100 years old, in fact 100 years is young in this town.  There are still structures from the 1500’s!  Lee hooked us up with a FABULOUS real estate person her name is FLO FRANLKIN, and she is from Georgia originally.  When we met she wowed me with her FABULOUS southern way of speaking, introducing herself and adding on “I am from the Deep South.”  I giggled with glee ‘cause fo’sho I knew I was in for an interesting house hunting day.

IMG_1459

The first house we looked at sits right in the center of town, built in the 1800’s one just knew that inside it’s colorful exterior and Victorian style that a story was waiting to be read.  The house has 7 bedrooms and 5 or 6 bathrooms, two kitchens.  The walls were covered with beautiful wood paneling as it was done so long ago and done right along with wood floors to match, crown moldings, fireplaces and old lead glass windows filled most of the space.

Talk about walking in two worlds, the world of Lee’s great grand’s was alive and well here in this house, holding tight.

As I walked through the house I immediately felt as if I was greeted by a strong up right standing man. A thought whispered through my mind, this thought carried with it the sound of a male voice from this long ago time “Too many people have lived in my house, and you will not be one of them.”  I found myself answering back “No I won’t, however I am gonna take a look.”  IMG_1453

The roaming of these halls was on, the girls immediately decided that the house had ghosts and were on a mission to see one.  I climbed the beautiful stair case to arrive in a master bedroom, as we entered the room a “whoosh” moved through us all – with out saying anything Bella looked at me and said “WOW Momma this room is weird feeling.” She was right, that room that felt more crowded than the 7-11 on the corner, regardless of the fact that it was bare of even furniture.  When I say this house was rambling it was and is.  Back in it’s hey day the carriage house (now converted garage) was located towards the back, folks would arrive and then climb the stairs to the ballroom where there was also an orchestra room. The Orchestra room is now an apartment and the ballroom another apartment.  As I stood in the back of the house in one of the rooms I had an over whelming thought “Dang, this house has has fo’sho had way too many people living in it!”

TO BE CONTINUED..

Part One: LA and Beyond!

August 3, 2010

My plans for LA were to relax, hang out on the beach and catch up with all of my Malibu Momma’s.

IMG_1379

What my plans were and what happened were two different things; I ended up going as fast as I possibly could.  Running the girls to The C.O.O.L School (California Ocean of Learning) day camp every morning, preparing packed lunches, driving up and down the Pacific Coast Highway and rushing to prepare for one meeting after another.  These meetings were all great and revolving around my writing, it’s just that I wasn’t in work mode and I’d forgotten how crazy LA traffic and living just is!

In fact I found myself looking at LA with new eyes, eyes that aren’t so enamored or in the True Blood sense – I was unglamoured.

I first arrived in LA 20 years old and amazed at how life could become anything I wanted it to be, I saw all the magic and fell in love with the ability to dream big.  My first job was on the 3rd St. Promenade, Gretchen (my friend & roommate) and I hit the pavement, stopping in every groovy shop or restaurant sitting on this walk way street full of street performers, playing music for nickels, rapping, dancing, beating buckets turning them into drums and pantomimes.  I finally scored a job working as a cocktail waitress, and listening to these folks bringing it every night, inspired me  to figure out what I was good at and go for it.

Isabella has fo’sho got a pinch of Mee & Lee in her, when she was 4 we walked along this street watching the performers, one little girl in particular stood out, she was about 8 years old and singing Alicia Keys, her daddy was there with her running the amp while she did her best to “bring it.”  Bella looked up at me and asked “Momma when I’m 8 can I sing here on this street like her?”

I said, “Of course you can.”

Immediately upon arriving in LA, Bella kept asking if she could sing like that little girl, I was shocked that she remembered! Again I shook it off and said “Sure one day.”

Bella made great friends with a girl named Allie, a counselor at the summer camp and also an aspiring singer/guitar player.  Allie, a pretty young gal about 21 came to babysit one evening.  Lee and I went to dinner and Allie said she was going to take the girls for a treat on the 3rd St. Promenade, I left car seats and away they went.  Lee and I returned home and the girls were still out and it was almost 8:30pm, suddenly the door flew open and with it a burst of excitement bounced into the room.  Bella had convinced Allie to let her sing while Allie played guitar to all of the Taylor Swift hits that Bella has memorized. Meanwhile, Lola jumped around in the background yelling “Give us so money so we can buy some pillow pets.”  They have been asking me for a pillow pet stuffed animal for months, apparently they were performing next to a cart that sold them!  Not only did they earn money for two pillow pets but also 164.00 bucks!  Bella was beside herself with glee and pride, I was torn – “Oh, no my youngin’s are buskin on the street fo’dollars – what will the neighbors say?”  IMG_1376

OK Not really, you see I thought you go y’all, brave and entrepreneurial.  However when they wanted to return the following day, I said “NO” that would have made it a job.

So, Bella fell hard in love with LA, she could see all the magic, while I struggled with focusing on the traffic, lack of employment and the closing of so many of my favorite shops.  I kept seeing water shortages and then something huge – what has fed LA and all of those folks that eat and live there is Hollywood, most productions for TV and film originated there and were mostly shot there.  Now, not only are shows and films shot else where due to the high cost of LA filming but, that big old energy is spreading out around the globe and content is now created EVERY WHERE, just look at PKIA, we shoot high definition videos here in Nashville and 30,000 folks follow this site – all coming from 120 countries – so not only is publishing shifting but so is all of the entertainment industry.  Every time something is done somewhere other than LA, folks in LA lose a little bit more.  What’s happening is that people can’t afford to run business’s – rent for an average size restaurant spot in Santa Monica goes for $40,000 per month, people can’t pay their house notes let alone their rentals with the average home not apartment renting for $4,000 on the low end and $8,000 on average.  I never noticed this before moving to the Jungle and to Nashville, you see because it was really all I knew – I’ve lived in California longer than anywhere else.

LA was a yo-yo fo’Mee, one morning Lee and I spent the day at Surf Rider beach in Malibu, there was a contest and while Lee surfed, the girls and I watched young girls paddle out and catch some bangin’ waves.  I looked up at the mountains and thought this is what I want for my girls.  Then we drove back into the city and met my Aunt Connie in Venice for lunch.

IMG_1389

Aunt Connie has owned a head shop/souvenir store since the 1960’s.  She knows all the street performers and carni like folks that cover the boardwalk.  When I first moved to Venice hanging at her shop was part of my deal, Aunt Connie and her wide view of the world guided me.  This time Venice Beach was INSANE, beyond INSANE – the craziness and the crazy’s were in full force.  Aunt Connie’s latest BFF is one of the local street psychics that sit along the boardwalk reading tarot cards and telling tourist what they can expect.  Aunt Connie insisted that I have a reading; she wanted to know when I was coming home!  Before I knew it I was caught up in a wave of craziness and being dragged to the boardwalk by a LOONEY TOON TYPHON, dressed in a 1970’s pink, brides maid bonnet, long skirt, tennis shoes and one good eye.  Finally we made it past all the gang bangers, pot smokers (yep folks are smoking pot on the board walk – there are TONS of medicinal marijuana joints everywhere & script doctors!) There are way too many street performers too; in fact so many they have to rotate spaces in shifts.

This pink bonnet psychic brought me to her card table covered with purple velvet fabric and began to tell me about Mee, I could barely listen to her let alone look at her, she had so much crud around her mouth and her nails were filthy – my OCD self prayed that she wasn’t gonna try to read my palms!

I didn’t know that what she was going to tell me would ring so true…..

Happy Anniversary PKIA!

July 23, 2010

Bella said it best “Momma, it feels like we were just visiting Nashville, and now we’ve returned home to Malibu.”

I’m telling you she nailed it there, the moment we begin our decent into LAX I start to get the Chihuahua buzz, my knees shake and I wanna pee on the rug.  Once we make it from the back of the airplane and step into the actual airport I’ve got to contain myself – LA is one of those places on earth where humanity dreams – these dreams are big time and then sent out via television and film into the world.  Of course now we all know that this is changing considering where most of us go for entertainment – the Internet and folks like me can be anywhere and producing content, however LA continues to be the main hub of “what if ?”

We are here for two weeks, hanging out on the beach and checking out houses, yep it’s that time – the question is on the table – do we return to the West Coast? Stay in Nashville, or pick a new spot?

Lee has really gotten the Ranch back together after the floods, and in the process we’ve also changed partners; bringing in some new folks and freeing Lee up to try his hand at some new ventures.  All this says to us that we don’t “Have” to be in Nashville.

The other night I went to meet up with some friends from high school who were passing through Nashville, when one of them asked me “So do you like it here?” I had a total out of body experience, watching myself answer “Yeah, it’s a nice city easy to get around, little traffic, tons of culture and even a creative class!” My “what the hell are you talking about character was like “Jigga What?”

Most people, including myself think Nashville is only Country music, but it’s way more than this.  In fact there are more professional studio musicians living in Nashville than anywhere else in the country.  Every night of the week writers nights are held where songwriters famous and not gather around to share their tales and play a little music. I went to my first with Maryalice a few weeks ago and fell hard for this art form, ever since I’ve been trying to participate a bit within the city more, now that I feel so much better – staying up a bit longer is part of my deal! IMG_1193

This past weekend Ted and Peggy came to visit, we had such a blast; as they LOVE culture and current events.  We went to the Frist Museum to see a fashion exhibition – Paris and London 1947-1957.  I loved it!!!!!  It was like walking through time, I kept thinking about the life style and the motivating thoughts of pop culture of the late 40’ and 50’s, just after the war and the beginning of “processed everything”, from food to high fashion.

What I didn’t expect was my reaction to the Chihuly exhibition, he is more than just a glass blower – he brings life to life.  After a car accident left him with one eye and a bad shoulder he needed to rely on a team to create his projects – this team work is now something FANTASTIC to watch, truly capturing the theory that the process is more important than the outcome. Now when he is having one of his creation sessions, he gathers a team of folks together, he serves as the director and all of these humans connect into the same flow of nature and produce magnificent pieces of art.  People come from all over to watch this creative process.

IMG_1301

I loved reading something Chihuly shared regarding Jackson Pollack, the painter said that when one is creating they are NATURE, that Nature moves through us when we create…. the process is the magic that we all seek.

I love this, ‘cause I am a writer and now I’m writing like mad in my books; but most of my days are full of creating other things like food for my family and arranging an environment that we all thrive in – this is art -this is nature moving through me.

After having such a profound experience at the Frist Museum we all were in a hurry to experience Chihuly in the evening, Cheekwood Mansion is the old Maxwell Coffee family home; now turned museum.  This house rests on 50 acres and I’m talking 50 acres of unbelievable botanical gardens. The Chihuly exhibition was placed through out these gardens and lit in the evenings, creating mirror like reflections when placed in the many reflecting pools and ponds.  Our mouths dangled open as each installation wowed us, with the heat of the southern nights and music of saccades’ and bullfrogs filling our ears with natures symphony – reminding me that creation is nature moving through us.

Princess Know It All is now a year old, that’s right folks, and this is our anniversary week.  One year since the website has been up and running.  Princess Know It All was first a play that I wrote 9 years ago in LA, then once we moved to Mexico – where I set out to write a book and escape the hustle of life, so that I could have the focus for the task; Ted (Bubba) said “why don’t you write a blog so everyone can stay in touch.”  I did this calling it Princess Know It All…Goes to the Jungle.  Before I knew it tons of folks were following and I was a newbie to the blog world.

As you all have noticed I’ve taken a few weeks off, trying to finish up my books and really reflecting on what I want the direction for PKIA to take in her second year.

With this reflection PKIA is now fixn’ to get a makeover  – so if you see that the site is acting up don’t give up just know we are behind the scenes building.  I’m working on adding something really cool –my characters are about to come to life – animation Shorty!!!!

I’m really jazzed about this, ‘cause I will be able to show y’all that I’m separate from Princess Know It All, she is all the characters or aspects of me that operate out of fear, insecurities and doubt – these characters are the core of all KNOW IT ALL’s;  ‘Cause when I’m Mee Tracy, I Knows Nothing.

I’m also looking for new office space and considering leaving the convent; I understand that I needed to be secluded the last 18 months.  My energy was so low and my focus was on surviving.  Now, with all of this development I’m looking to expand my crew – just like Chihuly I too will learn to work with a team.

So this brings me back to where I’m now sitting, on the beach in Malibu.

We are here for two weeks, Lee has some meetings and I came to feel it out.  I wasn’t sure if I’d still have the connection to this city that I once had or if my friendships had weathered the distance of 3 years passing.

I called Ms.Deanne – Bella’s preschool teacher and she saved a spot for the girls to attend her summer camp here in the “Bu.” The moment we walked down the drive the scent of desert sage and local plants swarmed my memory, then Ms. Deanne hugged us and her perfume sent me swimming.  I went all the way back to when Bella was 2yrs 9months and I was a first time momma, protective and frightened – frightened because I had no clue if what I was doing was right, I had no clue if I could actually hand my youngin’ over to someone else for the day.  Ms. Deanne’s scent reminded me of all of these lessons of trust that she guided me through.  I was home…

Lola jumped right in and Bella too, I then hung with my friends for the next two days – reveling in good conversations with familiar folks – the 3 years of time have done nothing to separate us, if anything we are closer than ever, knowing that our time together is special; after all we met in Pre-school.

What’s shocking is that my relationship with Nashville as a city is growing, I’ve become comfortable in its slowness, I’ve found myself appreciating when someone responds with a “yes Mam or No sir.”  I like all the green that fills this town/city, what I don’t like is the loneliness due to a lack of friendships.

I walked into Ms.Deannes and instantly 3 new moms began conversations with me, I’ve been in Nashville and the moment I open my mouth I feel like folks are trying to figure out which group to place us in, and fo’sho we don’t have a category and this is where Malibu is a fit – there really aren’t groups, this is LA and everyone is doing their own thing.

We have another week here to go and who knows what we will know by the end of our stay…will I expand in Nashville or come back to the Bu?

The first lesson in finding our balance…

June 28, 2010

IMG_1172

This summer is way better than last, for so many reasons.  I guess we are totally set up now.  Bella loves camp, Lola is attending a preschool camp 2 days a week and my nephew Tylor has been spending the past 3 weeks with us. I love him being here, not just because he helps so much – my sister has done an amazing job raising this guy – he’s pleasant, kind, patient and incredibly neat – for a 17 year old.

He began spending summers with me when he was 8 years old, living wherever I lived; in Malibu he attended surf camps, at the ranch he played in the river and learned to ride horses.  I have a special relationship with him, really because my sister and I have lived so close in spirit with one another. When she had him I was still young and in school – our mother had died a few years before and I knew I needed to show up, much in the same manner that my aunts, uncles and grandparents did for us – we knew we belonged to a bigger world than just my mother.

Now Tylor is grown and I have little’s, he loves on them like siblings.  Yesterday he taught Isabella to ride a two-wheeler and wow what a fantastic moment this is in our lives.  I remember my learning of this grand memory that never leaves us – after all it’s really about balance, once we find this balance it’s never gone from us.  I told Bella to think of it as riding a horse, you’ve got to sit solid in the center and pay attention to where you are going, you see if you are riding a horse and your mind drifts shifting your level of presence the horse will follow your lead.  I’ve loved this lesson; learning to ride in relationship with the animal is nothing shy than a truly spiritual experience.  Don’t misunderstand me I’m not a great rider, I just like the relationship of it all.

Bella is so much like me in ways, quirky and yet solid.  She got it, she was riding on her own, when she passed me I had to hold back my laugh because she was sitting completely straight, eyes on the prize and saying repeatedly out loud “I’m riding a horse, I’m riding a horse, I’m riding a horse.”

I learned to ride a two-wheeler in Clark Court Apartments; we lived next to Bay and Bukie Marshall.  I jumped on my sisters red kids sized beach cruiser and peddled away, however my know it all self forgot to ask how to stop and I flew over the handle bars!  Bella was lucky, Tylor kept catching the bike, not letting her smash to the ground.

I love this, he’s learned what family is about – we can’t prevent the falls only try to break them, serving as a cushion.

Today Tylor and I are going to visit yet another local Nashville University, Lipscomb.  I really hope that he attends school close to me, I’d hate to miss out on watching him turn from young man to man.

For me it’s really been about being the belle of my own ball, filling my life with my kids, Lee and work.

I’ve been writing like mad, my goal is to finish 3 books by the fall.  I’m just about done with one and wow writing it has been a journey, ‘cause this book is all about food and health.  It’s really taught me much more than when I started it.  I thought Oh, it will be a cookbook – but now I’m siked ‘cause it’s not!  I’m not a chef, I’m not a super hard-core cook in the kitchen, I’m a regular person who has gotten well eating foods in their original form and what I know is how to heal your body and what each food does.  So I’m way siked about this project, cause it’s not a “cook book”, it’s a PKIA Book with recipes.

The other day I sat here typing in the Convent, I looked up and out the window, I felt a sparkle in my eye– I was in the middle of an “Oh yeah I’m really doing it moment”, I love these – ‘cause it’s not about the final product but the good enough feeling of giving it my all.  Luckily I’ve always been able to see when I’ve arrived at a point in my life.  Maybe to the outside viewer these moments seem hardly successful, but to me they are huge.

I write because I don’t wanna miss out, not on a second of it.  Once I’ve written I go back and see the magic of the moment or a clearer view of the situation that I’m in the middle of.  Gotta see those good enough moments, ‘cause that’s the only way our life is good enough.

Drive by….

June 16, 2010

The other day I drove by our old house, the one with “Whispering Walls”.  It’d been sometime since I’d passed, not because I consciously was trying to avoid it but because my daily driving route has changed.

IMG_1198Ever since passing by my mind has been hooked by memories of what we experienced there, I know I left you all hanging but it was for good reason – once we knew what we knew it was all I could do to pack as fast as humanly possible and get out.  I’ve not spoken in detail about what went down, not because the landlord asked me not too, which she did and I respecting her didn’t want to hinder the future sale of her home, however I did inform her that in good faith she must tell future renters  -  had I known I’d never have moved in there – but of course it was all perfect, had we not moved in there our presence couldn’t have shifted a very old situation the way that it did….I’m getting ahead of myself, sorry.

My real reason for not writing was because the darkness that did what it did in that house was so big I fo’sho didn’t want it following me via my memories to our new house; my Poppy (my grandfather) always said “Decide where you stand the light or dark, once you make that decision stick with it.”  So at a young age I KNEW I was fixn’ to walk in the light – avoiding as best as possible any interaction with darkness.

I have NEVER been a fan of horror movies, scary books and to tell the truth Halloween and it’s “Evil” characters kind of creep me out. Dressing up in funny things are cool with Mee & of course vampires as I am obsessed with the idea of immortality; the thought of what it would be like to really get good at this human reaction thing is intriguing.

The Day of the Dead, is one of my favorite holidays – because it’s not about sadness but again celebrating the connection as we pass through the veils of this world – death is not evil its an intricate part of life.  With all this said and my deepening comprehension of memories, time & ghosts – that our memories actually are what haunts our hallways and dreams – what went down in our last Casa is revealing it’s self with a new perspective.

Tonight I spoke to a friend on the phone that I’d not caught up with since before Thanksgiving, and well it was the day after the Thanksgiving weekend that everything began to unravel and the truth would not remain hidden – the clanging of cupboards and doors was no longer something we could ignore.

As I began to tell her, why we’d moved so suddenly; the room got cold and felt as if it were crowding in on me.  Before I could even finish the first sentence my friend suddenly said you know what let’s not talk about this, my body is covered in chills. I said thanks, we can talk about it later when I see you in California.

After we hung up, I sat alone in my room and yet that crowded feeling filled the space – I thought of Senora Gina and how she nips situations, folks & thoughts in the butt -”Oh, No We Aren’t Going There”  came out of my mouth, with the same I’m not playing around tone as Senora used when with me when the possibility of Cancer knocked on my door.IMG_1201

Just like a bully on a playground pulls back from someone who stands up to them – refusing to feed their poison -  I did not participate – this is how one stays in the light; and so the energy in my room shifted.

What left remaining was her, I thought of her all night….the one who’s story I have tried to leave behind.  Not such an easy task being a truth teller.

So I will wait and in time maybe I will write more, but I know that I will not pass that house again because they will feel me, and then I will hear their memories…

That’s the thing about memories they are everywhere and can really be heard, the more attention that a memory has been given the more power it has in the present.

I’m too tired to write anymore and like I said sunrise is many hours away and this is a tale I shall write from the light of the Convent.

Real Time Web Analytics